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I gripped the steering wheel like my life depended on it and stared at the empty road ahead. When I drove past the spot where I found Martha, the car inched forward, and I glanced around, eager for any sight of her. Eventually, I had to drive past it and settle back against the seat.
Although I didn’t want to, I had no choice but to give up.
Martha wasn’t meant to be my girlfriend, no matter how much I wanted her to be.
All I had of her were the memories of last night.
I spent the entire drive replaying them over and over in my head and seeing her in front of me, a bright smile lighting up her face. I saw her bathed in the glow of the fire as she unburdened herself to me, and I saw her on top of me, her body glistening and covered in sweat.
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why she had left without saying goodbye.
Granted, I hadn’t been the best company when we first stumbled into the hut, but I’d more than made up for it when we shared a bottle of wine. Something had happened between us, a strange thread weaving back and forth and binding us together. As I left the hut far, far behind, I knew that it wasn’t going to be the same with Martha. Soon, I was going to be in the city, back to my old life and my reality, leaving our snow-filled night together as nothing more than a memory.
But I knew I wasn’t going to forget Martha.
I wouldn’t let myself forget her.
Chapter 5
Martha
I couldn’t believe what I had done.
A stranger. A complete stranger!
I had never done anything like this before, and just thinking back to it made my body shudder. Waking up in the morning, realizing what had happened, I had to get out of there.
My hands clenched the steering wheel tight. Images of last night flashed before my eyes, and my mind kept going back to the rush of emotions that had washed over me. And still were. Albin was a stranger, but there was no denying he had sparked something inside me. I couldn’t stop thinking of him. It was like my brain had pushed thoughts of anything else out and had built an Albin shrine right in the center.
I caught myself smiling in the rearview mirror.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I didn’t know the man, but I couldn’t stop thinking of him. Was I falling for him? From just one night together? Was that even possible? Or was I just rebounding from the crap Louis had put me through?
I had no idea, but the one thing I was sure about, Albin wasn’t going to be an easy man to forget.
The next few weeks went by in kind of a blur. Of course, it took everything I had to avoid Louis completely, but he wasn’t the problem. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get Albin out of my head. At first, I thought being back at school would help, the courses and professors bombarding us with enough work that any thought of my one-night stand would be pushed to the back of my mind. But no, there he was, filling my head with sweet memories and daydreams of what could have been had I stayed in that cabin.
I saw him everywhere. The random man walking past the café window while I had my latte, the overly loud professor trying to flex in front of his students, or the cab driver taking me home after a night out with friends. They were all Albin until I closed my eyes, shook my head, and opened them again.
It was like he had this inexplicable pull on me that wouldn’t let me go. It drove me insane. It wasn’t like I could see him again, and a large part of me even wondered if I wanted to.
That sentiment changed very quickly, though, exactly three weeks after our night in the cabin. A few uncomfortable mornings throwing up eventually led to a pregnancy test, and the shock of seeing it was positive had my mind doing summersaults.
I spent the whole day at home, crying at first, then pissed off, then crying again. How could I be so stupid? It was like the universe had decided to grab me by the collar and slap me about a bit. A million thoughts raced through my head, and a million more emotions. What was I going to do? What were my parents going to think? What the hell was my life going to be like now?
Abortion.
The thought popped up just as soon as I felt like I had lost all hope. Not the best option, but what else was I supposed to do? A baby meant my life was over, and I was way too young for that! A kaleidoscope of clichéd teenage mom scenarios raced through my head, and by the time I had gotten a hold of my emotions, I had made up my mind.
I couldn’t have a baby. I wasn’t ready.
It took me a couple of days to work up the courage to drive to the abortion clinic. Hiding it from my parents was one thing, but bringing myself to actually go, was a whole different story. I felt guilty that it wasn’t fair for the baby inside me, but part of me knew it would be even less fair to give birth to a child when I couldn’t even take care of myself. What kind of life could I give a child when I barely knew what I wanted to do with my own?
“Name?”
The nurse pulled me out of my thoughts, and I stumbled for an answer before finally saying, “Martha Auden.”
