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“That’s exactly what that means, Albin. How can you still say that when we have a son together? We need to put his needs above our own.”
Even if it meant only treating Albin like a co-parent.
Walking away from him was going to be hard, but not as hard as disrupting Jimmy’s life and confusing him. Since he was still five years old and ignorant of the ways of the world, it was my job to make sure he was safe and happy. While being around Albin all the time wasn’t going to be easy, especially after years of pining for him and dreaming about having him back in my life, I couldn’t see any other way.
I liked my life the way it was, and Albin was a complication I didn’t want.
Nor need.
At least, it was what I kept telling myself.
Once the waiter materialized with our sandwiches, I pulled mine closer to me and pushed the salad around. Across from me, Albin did the same, a look of fierce concentration etched onto his features. Eventually, he sat up, pushed his plate away, and looked directly at me.
Like he was seeing right into my soul.
“I saw Jimmy the day you left.”
I tilted my head to the side and set my fork down. “What do you mean?”
“When you left the hotel room, I went to go see Banks and asked him for your address. I saw you with Jimmy that day, and I knew.”
My heart twisted inside my chest. “You’ve known since then? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Albin shrugged. “Because I was sure you had your reasons for not wanting to tell me, and I wanted to respect them.”
“I needed to be sure you weren’t going to break Jimmy’s heart.”
Or mine.
But my son was, and always would be, my number one priority.
“I appreciate your telling me the truth, Martha,” Albin replied. “I know we aren’t the same people, but it doesn’t mean you, and I can’t be together. This is exactly why we should be. You know how good it feels between us. Imagine if it was always like that.”
I stared at him and swallowed.
In the distance, conversation rose and fell, punctuated by the sound of honks in the distance. Overhead, the early morning sun was high in the sky, its warmth beating on the back of my neck. Underneath the table, I crossed and uncrossed my ankles, my mind racing with possibilities.
Was I being too hasty?
Was I jumping to conclusions where Albin and I were concerned?
He and I hadn’t gotten off on the right foot, but it wasn’t either of our faults. Meeting under the circumstances we did wasn’t ideal, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t trust him. Yet, as I sat across from him, all I could think about was how badly I’d been hurt before and how I was still paying the price for my poor judgment.
Albin and I had chemistry, but we didn’t have trust.
I wasn’t even sure we had a good foundation for a relationship.
And without it, I couldn’t take a leap of faith in him, not with Jimmy’s future on the line. No matter how hard I tried to justify taking a chance on Albin, I kept circling back to the same thought, and I knew it wasn’t going to leave me alone.
I needed more than Albin’s assurances to open up to him.
I wanted proof.
“You and I can be good together,” Albin repeated in a softer voice. “I know you know it, Martha, and I know you can feel this thing between us.”
“That’s not enough.”
“You need to give it time,” Albin maintained. “Now that we’ve found each other let’s spend some time together and see how things go. We can take Jimmy out together. We can be a real family.”
