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I lowered my eyes to shield my feelings. As a professional, his words should encourage me. But as a woman in love, his words cut me. They showed so clearly how he thinks of me only as Daisy’s nanny. Important for the job, yes. Important to him in any other capacity, no.
But he picked up on my energy, and asked, ‘What’s the matter?’
My chest was tight, and I blinked back the tears. How stupid of me to think I could mean more to him than that. I was determined he wouldn’t see how his words affected me, because I know it was unfair of me to expect anything more from him.
At that point, he had given me no reason to think he wanted anything more from me, so why did I jump to the conclusion that he might like me too?
Something about his teasing, light-hearted banter reaches into my soul, as if it’s designed especially for me. I couldn’t help but fall in love with him. He’s unlike any man I’ve been involved with before. When I look back on the few serious boyfriends I had in Paris, they pale in comparison.
He’s eloquent, funny, and kind. He’s sexy in an effortless way, and he’s such a brilliant dad to Daisy, it seems impossible for me not to fall for him.
He’s smart and sophisticated and I could talk to him for hours.
We did talk for hours sometimes. We talked about Daisy, and he asked what it was like growing up in Paris. When I told him about my mother dying, his eyes glistened.
‘I’m so sorry you had to go through that,’ he said. ‘I know how painful it is to lose a parent, but I can’t even imagine how awful it must have been for you to lose your mother at such a young age.’
In truth, I find it difficult to believe that his charms don’t bewitch every woman he meets.
I wonder if that’s the definition of romantic love.
Loving someone so much that you can’t imagine anyone not loving them. He’s a single guy, and to me he seems like the best kept secret in London. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such a fabulous boss.
I also can’t believe howunluckyI am to have such a fabulous boss.
Juliette said if I’m not careful, this is going to end in heartbreak. And I didn’t disagree.
But I don’t know how to stop this torrent of feelings I have for him. He’s charming with everyone, so I guess I’m reading a lot more into our relationship than there is. He’s an upper-class gentleman who has been raised to be charming and polite.
The sensible thing would be to stop dreaming about being with him and keep a discreet distance. I’m here for Daisy, after all. She’s delightful, so that’s a pleasure, too. This is the best nanny position I’ve ever had. And here I am risking screwing it all up.
But I don’t know how to stop.
And then what happened in the kitchen gave me hope that he does have feelings for me.
How do I stop his face from filling my every waking moment and taking over my dreams?
CHAPTER14
Nathalie
I can tell he has something to get off his chest about what happened between us, and I’m avoiding being alone with him. I’m terrified by what he’s going to say, so I keep running away. Whenever his eyes search mine, I busy myself with some activity.
My biggest fear is he’s going to say it’s not a good idea for me to stay on, because it’s too awkward. And I can’t deny it is awkward. Even when he persuaded me to attend the ball, I made it clear I didn’t want there to be any chance of anyone thinking we were there as a couple. I spent most of the evening behind the scenes. A charity event like that is so much work, so it was easy for me to hide. I’m a member of the Rochester household staff and I made sure everyone I met knew it. I’m trying to be professional, and not risk getting into a compromising situation again.
But then he asked me to dance, and I melted. The air crackled, and I felt dizzy with longing for him. I couldn’t think of a reason to say no, and it would have been rude, so I nodded and moved tentatively into his embrace. His touch was gentle but firm, and I loved every second of being in his arms. The tension between us was tangible, and I wanted him to pull me in closer, even though I knew it was a terrible idea and would just make me want him more.
He’s so handsome, and in his tux, he looked like a movie star. On the way to the ball, I was about to get into the backseat of the car, but at the last second, I panicked and jumped in next to the driver.
He must think me strange. All the way into London I regretted it and wished I’d sat next to him, but it was too late. On the drive, I found myself wondering why he didn’t bring a date to the ball. How is it he’s still single, or at least not dating casually?
I don’t get it. I’m relieved he’s not seeing anyone as that would destroy me, after having him and Daisy to myself all this time, but if he’d been seeing someone when I turned up, it would have stopped us getting into this awkward situation in the first place.
He would be taken, and I wouldn’t have started thinking of him as mine. I don’t know when that happened, but it was soon after I moved in. It’s presumptuous and naïve of me to fantasise that a billionaire CEO belongs to me, and I can win his heart.
I am a silly, silly girl.
Nothing about my love for him is sensible or logical. It’s like a fierce, untameable creature and I don’t recognise the sensible, do-the-right-thing Nathalie anymore.
