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Where did she go?
In the past, when I’ve been smitten, I’ve always kept some perspective. When we were released from foster care, my sister and I shared a flat and I wasn’t tempted to move in with a man.
Never have I chosen someone forbidden to me. I guess it’s not appealed to me before. But perhaps it’s simply not something that came my way, and I’m just as susceptible as anyone who gets thrown into the clutches of an irresistible love affair.
My brain says no, but my heart keeps saying yes.
One thing is certain. Sebastian Rochester is forbidden to me. He is off-limits. He is not going to marry the nanny, no matter how much electricity rages between us.
But now I realise he iseverythingI want in a man.
One morning he asks me to come to his home office after I’ve dropped Daisy at school. I’m nervous as he’s never done that before, and I wonder if this is the day when he’s going to terminate my employment.
He’s usually in London at this time, so it’s an unusual set up all round, which puts me even more on edge. Did he stay at home to fire me when Daisy’s not around?
I know Daisy loves me, and I think he knows it too, but I mustn’t kid myself into thinking I’m the only good nanny he could hire. There are thousands of nannies with similar credentials, and I’m sure Daisy would soon settle down with a different one. She’s sweet natured, probably much like Sebastian as a child. She’s especially well-adjusted considering the divorce and absence of her mother.
The truth is I’ve fallen in love with Daisy and her father. The thought of her quickly growing used to a new nanny physically hurts my heart.
My legs are like liquid, barely holding me up, as I move towards his office door.
The room is all clean modern lines, perfect lighting and photos of family and hotel industry events on the walls. It’s elegant, warm, and unfussy, like him.
‘Please sit down, Nathalie,’ he says, as I buck up the courage to look at him. It seems I can’t avoid him any longer.
His beloved face flickers into a smile and he asks lightly, ‘How are you doing?’
I straighten my back in the seat and square my shoulders as I say I’m doing fine. I hope my lip doesn’t quiver, and I don’t betray the many conflicting emotions passing through my body right now.
He talks a bit about how well Daisy is doing and how grateful he is to me for the effort I have made to connect with her.
This doesn’t sound like he’s about to fire me.
But I stay tense and ready for whatever he is about to say.
He coughs, and I shuffle in my seat. I can feel the heat on my neck and my cheeks grow warm. My shirt sticks to me, and I wish I was wearing something looser.
Sitting here like this is too embarrassing and my heart is slamming into my chest. Being around Sebastian involves many heart pounding moments.
His thick dark lashes flutter briefly, and his blue-grey eyes meet mine dead-on. ‘I’ve wanted to speak to you privately for a while now, but there never seems to be a good time. So sorry for taking this long to get around to it.’
I’m barely breathing now. I’m barely alive. Is this the moment he’s going to fire me?
He says, ‘I’ll just get to the point. I want to apologise for what happened between us.’
I search his eyes for a deeper meaning. All I see is kindness and a hint of shyness.
‘It was selfish of me, and I lost control and let the fact that I’m attracted to you, blur my good judgement. I seem to be doing a lot of apologising.’ He lets out a short round of his staccato shotgun laughs and pulls a wry face and shrugs his broad shoulders.
He is attracted to me.
My cheeks are burning up. My whole body feels like it’s on fire. I wish I could disappear into the floor or merge into the air.
‘It’s important to me that you know, I have never taken liberties with a member of staff before,’ he says.
His eyes are piercing my soul now and I feel hopeless. I feel useless. His words confirm that it was all a mistake. It was just a moment of crazy abandon that he regrets.
I take a quick shaky breath and pray I don’t look as gauche as I feel. Thank God I didn’t wait for him downstairs after he went to check on Daisy. It would have been mortifying when he came back down and apologised because he wished it hadn’t happened.
