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Daisy flings herself at me and hugs my legs. ‘Don’t cry, Nathalie. Please don’t cry again.’
I stroke her head and soothe her, saying they are happy tears, not sad ones. She seems satisfied with my explanation and runs off to play with her new doll.
‘Don’t cry, darling. It’s beautiful. Just like you,’ Sebastian says, and then he runs a hand down my bare arm. There’s a pause where we just stare into each other’s eyes. I don’t know what to say, but I don’t want him to stop looking at me like that. His eyes are full of love. ‘I’m sorry about the article. That was a misunderstanding,’ he adds.
I don’t know how it can be a misunderstanding, but in that second, I don’t care. I clutch at his words and hope leaps within me. I’m so overwhelmed by the necklace, and his touch on my bare flesh, I can’t compose the right words to question him.
So, I just let myself drown in his kind eyes with the thick, dark lashes, and I breathe him in. His masculine scent envelops me, and the heat circles in my groin. I yearn to feel him against me again. He’s so close I could tilt my face upwards and kiss him, but we just hang there in the hot air, unmoving but glued together like magnets that can’t break apart even if they wanted to.
The room is silent but for our breath, and it’s like we’re standing in this vortex forever, but then Daisy rushes back in and calls, ‘Mrs Johnson says tea and cake are about to be served in the garden.’
Sebastian searches my face, and I see regret in his eyes, but ours is to be an unfulfilled love. What does it matter if he desires me if we can’t be together?
I’ve been reading about the Rochester family, and I found an interesting article saying it’s well-known that Arthur Rochester laid out in the terms of his will that each of his grandchildren must meet his criteria to qualify for their full inheritance which includes shares in the company. The word is that their grandfather must give his approval for their marriage as part of the terms.
So, what did Seb mean by it being a misunderstanding? To me, it seems clear that Lizzy Archer must be the chosen one in his quest to meet his grandfather’s approval.
Lucky Lizzy.
We walk into the garden and my thoughts are swirling as I try to make sense of what’s happening. He must care for me at least a little to bring me such a beautiful gift. But then why would he buy me a personal gift when he was with his girlfriend and potential future wife?
He doesn’t strike me as the cheating type. Everything I’ve observed in his character and what he’s shared with me about Daisy’s mother and their marriage makes me certain that he did his best to make it work, even if he made mistakes. They were career-oriented mistakes, not other-woman mistakes.
What is he doing, and why is he still leading me on like this if he’s decided to marry her? It feels unfair, but I clutch at the fragments of hope he’s relit in me by presenting me with the necklace.
None of it makes any sense, and I try to act normal and drink tea and butter a scone for Daisy and heap strawberry jam onto it which is her favourite. My actions and responses are robotic as I play the perfect nanny role and act like my heart isn’t splintering into tiny pieces. But all the while, my head is foggy, and I can’t figure out what any of it means. My heart hurt so much after reading the article and discovering he had started dating someone, but now I can’t stop the fledgling seeds of joy shooting through me. I can’t help it. No matter how bad it all looks, the necklace—and the way he touched me—say something different.
Don’t they?
Daisy finishes munching her scone, and I wipe the bright red jam from her mouth with a napkin. Sebastian stands and goes into the house to take a call, and my eyes follow his retreating back. I can’t take my eyes off him. His broad shoulders in the white shirt that tapers down into the waist of his trousers make my mouth dry.
Daisy leans over to me and whispers something. I can’t make out what she’s saying. ‘What?’ I whisper back, thinking she’s playing one of her word games.
Her eyes are mischievous, and she has the cheeky grin on her face that I love so much. The grin that reminds me of her father and makes my soul sing.
‘I think my daddy loves you,’ she says, louder this time.
I look back at her, stunned.
‘Shhh,’ I say. ‘Don’t be silly, sweetie. Your daddy is my boss.’
But the blush slides over my cheeks and I look away, confused.
If Daisy knows there’s something between us, who else does?
CHAPTER32
Sebastian
Buying her the necklace seemed like a good idea at the time. I missed her so much when I was away. I always get something for Daisy, not that I’ve been away for more than a day or two during the past few years. After buying the latest doll with all the gadgets for Daisy, it just felt right to get something for Nathalie. I told myself she’s doing such a fabulous job with Daisy, it’s only fair.
But the effect the necklace had on her was devastating. And the effect it had on me was equally devastating. I didn’t think it through. I should have realised that buying her such an intimate gift would confuse us both even more. What she makes of my behaviour, I don’t know, but I saw the tears in her eyes. No necklace, no matter how lovingly chosen or expensive, could repair the harm I’ve done to her. She was a flawless jewel when she arrived, and I have damaged her. As much as I can’t bear the idea of not being with her again, causing her even more pain would be worse.
And I told her the article about me and Lizzy was a misunderstanding. What was I thinking? All I know is I had to bring the life back into her eyes, and that seemed like the only way. How did we get so tangled up like this?
Since the divorce, when it hit me that I had been away from home too much on business, and not realised my marriage was imploding, I swore Daisy would be my number one priority. Always. Business is important, but it shouldn’t supersede Daisy’s wellbeing. I vowed not to let that happen again, and it was even more imperative after Maddy left. They barely see each other, so I’m all Daisy has. It’s not strictly true, of course, because my mother adores Daisy and is always asking to spend more time with her. And Grandfather is close to her too, and when I take her to Greystone for family gatherings, she is spoilt rotten by my siblings. She’s luckier than many, I remind myself. We are a big, close-knit family and we have each other’s backs. Even so, every child needs a predictable routine.
Nice one, Rochester. You’ve fallen in so deep that now we’re in danger of losing Nathalie.
