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For a second, my heart does a happy jig and I’m tempted to wait for him. But it’s a terrible idea and I know it. The inevitable will happen when we’re alone, and if he gets a sniff of me leaving, he’ll be all over it and will charm me to stay. I find it impossible to resist him, so if I’m serious about going, today is the best time. It’s even better now because Daisy will be with her grandma for the week, and the agency will have plenty of time to line up a temporary nanny by the time she gets home.
The Rochesters have tons of family and staff members, so it’s not like no one will fill my spot, especially in the summer holidays, when her schedule is flexible. If the agency really can’t find a suitable replacement at short notice, I imagine Daisy can always stay on at Greystone until they do, whilst Seb works.
I read his message again. It’s friendly but business-like, apart from the one surprising kiss. The spare heir, as he laughingly calls himself, has one kiss to spare for me. We’ve always been careful, given our professional status, but based on that text, no one would guess we were making passionate love to each other recently.
Well, it’s not enough, Sebastian. You’ve had time to figure out what you want to do, and it looks like you have—nothing.
My resolve deepens and a feeling of calm descends upon me. I’m done being his bit on the side for when he feels horny. When he gets home, I won’t be here.
Enough is enough.
It’s Sunday and I’ve still got the house to myself, which is good because it gives me plenty of time to get organised before I need to leave. I want to make sure I don’t forget anything, because when I go—that’s it—I have no intention of coming back. A clean break is what I need.
I make myself a bowl of muesli even though my stomach’s swirling and the last thing I want to do is eat. It’s going to be a long day and I need my strength. After washing up the few dishes, I sit at the kitchen island where we first kissed, and for a moment, I wonder whether I’m doing the right thing.
There’s something in me that keeps whispering that he loves me.
But no, if I carry on like this, I’m going to be a wreck. I’m already a wreck, for God’s sake, so I pick up a pen and write him a letter on the Rochester Hotel notepad. I owe him that much, and as I write, the tears flow and I wipe them from my eyes, so they don’t fall on the paper. Just as I’m finishing, a tear slides through my fingers and lands on the bottom of the letter. I blot it with a piece of kitchen paper and hope it doesn’t stain. This is a hateful letter, and I can’t bear to rewrite it. I come close to ripping it up and throwing it away. Perhaps a text message will be better, after all. I can’t call him because the sound of his voice will break me.
I read the letter once more, sign my name and fold it carefully and write his name on the front. Placing it on the desk in his office, I lay the box with the beautiful topaz necklace inside, next to the letter. It was never supposed to be mine and I can’t keep it, no matter how much I love it.
And then I get ready to leave Richmond for the last time.
CHAPTER41
Sebastian
I whistle as I exit Greystone Village and take the road to London. Nathalie didn’t respond to my text yet, which is unlike her, but she’s not working this weekend, so she’s probably out.
Tricky Dickhead’s irritating face enters my mind and I push him firmly away. She works for him too and after my outburst; I realise I have no right to tell her not to see whoever she wants. I’ve offered her nothing, and it’s unfair of me to expect her to fit in with my likes and dislikes beyond her job.
But all that is going to change starting today. I don’t know how I’m going to work this out, but something about my conversations with Marian and Caspian disturbed me profoundly.
I don’t want to live a lie any more than they do. Marian said she’s only going to marry for love, and Caspian is playing along with Isabella to fool Grandfather. It just seems so wrong, and as much as I think the inheritance clause in the will is unfair to us, I know Grandfather is only doing it to protect us and the company he’s worked so tirelessly to build. After all, we won’t inherit fully until he passes away, so the repercussions of our choices won’t impact him personally, but if we make disastrous marriages, we all stand to suffer, and it will damage the legacy for future generations. And I want Daisy to have something remarkable to inherit. A marriage to Lizzy Archer would be the best strategic move I could make, and I reconsidered it this weekend. Lizzy is involved with someone else, but if I genuinely wanted to make it happen, I think I’d be in with a chance of persuading her to agree to an arranged marriage for the good of both our families.
I even let myself imagine briefly what it would be like to be married to her, but all I could see was Nathalie, and the thought of giving her up forever made me die inside.
I can never marry Lizzy or anyone else who isn’t Nathalie. No matter how much my grandfather wants me to do it for the company, I don’t believe he truly wants a loveless marriage for me. He must be counting on us growing to love each other over time.
In the middle of the night, I woke up and an eerie calm fell over me and I just knew. I must find a way for Nathalie and me to be together. I know I must do something now or I’m going to lose the most incredible woman I’ve ever known.
It’s going to take some time for me to figure out how to break it to Grandfather, and maybe we don’t need to tell him for a while. My mother has a way of getting through to him, so I consider appealing to her romantic nature. I know she’s not altogether comfortable with the will arrangement, but Grandfather calls the shots. Perhaps if my father had lived to take over the company, he would have softened the rules around marriage and had more of a modern view, but we’ll never know.
My thoughts tick over as the car eats up the distance back to London, and I form a plan. Nathalie and I can see each other with no one knowing and keep things under the radar for a while longer. I don’t doubt I want her forever, but given the situation, it’s wise to take it slow. Damian can have his people work discreetly on making the story about Lizzy disappear, or that will look awful when the news about me and Nathalie breaks, which it inevitably will when we go public. I shudder at what will be a busy day for the media:Spare Heir to the Rochester dynasty in torrid affair with daughter’s nanny.
Daisy is Nathalie’s top fan—well, after me—so I’m certain she’ll be thrilled if we make it official, but I can’t risk getting her hopes up in case it all turns to shit somehow. I need to be smart about this and so I decide to enlist Damian’s help once he’s back in Chelsea.
The traffic is heavy as I enter London and I wait for what seems like forever for a set of temporary traffic lights to turn green.
Come on, come on.
There’s a ping on my phone, and I see a message from Nathalie flash up on the screen, but then the lights change. It said something about her going, but I couldn’t catch the details.
Where is she going? I tell myself to calm down—I just gave her the week off so she might have gone away for a break. I hope she’s still in when I get home because I’m desperate to see her. I’m not sure whether I’ll tell her everything that’s on my mind just yet, until I decide how to handle the volatile situation, but I will tell her how I feel about her. Again.
What if I’ve misread the depth of her feelings?
I couldn’t get a minute’s peace this afternoon, which is the downside of being surrounded by a big family and a young daughter. I ummed and ahhed about writing something more personal on the text message, and I even started to tell her how I feel and that I want us to be together, but then it sounded silly, so I deleted it. Don’t want to scare the poor girl off when I’m not there to gauge her response. For all I know, she’s not ready for a commitment like that, anyway. She looked startled when I told her I love her after the red-hot car fuck, which is partly why I backed off.
