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Is admitting to liking the way he feels when I’m around, but not actually liking me, what Sloan meant about Jake fighting tooth and nail?
I refuse to read into it and use Jake’s perceived selfishness as allowance for my own.
Even if I’m using this man to forget my fiancé, since encountering Jake, I’ve been too busy for the loneliness I experienced before we met. The foundation of our relationship is wrong. But, out of necessity, I’ve looked past that for weeks. Can I now? Can I use Jake to make myself feel better about where my life is at this moment?
It isn’t as if he’s professing he loves me or asking me to assume a bigger role in this farce than I am. Jake is only saying he wants to keep me around. But I sort of want to keep him around, too.
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15
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“If we’re sticking together, we have a few details to iron out.”
Paisley hasn’t agreed yet. In fact, her bewildered brown eyes stare at me unconvinced, and her parted lips exhibit her confusion. My fingers glide into the tendrils at the back of her neck, bringing my forehead to hers. I hate Paisley’s ability to look into my mind and see the cogs moving. My current thoughts betray how well the strategy of her posing as my girlfriend is working with my friends. Although I’m more afraid she’ll see the other tiny gears shifting. The ones that keep my pulse moving and my heart pounding in my chest every time I think about Paisley when she’s not around.
I don’t want her to see how the idea of someone vandalizing her shop throws me into a rage. Nor the concern that her cut won’t heal without medical attention. I’m not ready to offer everything I have to Paisley on a silver platter. Everything I have is tarnished. She deserves more than the heaping crap of baggage I’ve felt compelled to continue carrying. But I also want her to understand that I’ll do anything for her to make up for the callousness I showed her yesterday.
“I’m sorry,corazón.”I nip at her lips. “So. So sorry for not listening.” My tongue swipes at the seam. Paisley opens for me, completing the velvet stroke as our mouths combine.
You can tell me anything.I want to say.You can rely on me.But I don’t know how to express that other than with the fierce determination of kissing her harder. The language we began with is the one we’re best at.
I move the roses so that we don’t crush them any more than we have. Light as a feather, it’s easy to shift Paisley to straddle my lap while our tongues tangle. She moans when I deepen the kiss. Unlike yours truly, Paisley doesn’t hold back. Perhaps when Paisley kisses me it’s because she doesn’t want to. More likely because I won’t let her. I want all of her and, sadistically, I don’t want to give her all of me. Not when, from the moment she ran into my arms, I was already aware she was worthy of a better man than I’ll ever be.
And my biggest fear is becoming that Paisley understands this, and no matter what I try, I’ll never convince her otherwise.
All I can do is keep kissing her as a method of persuasion, hoping that she rides the high as long as I do between kisses.
She rocks with practiced perfection over my hard length. Teasing my dick. Reminding me of what, at any other time, I’ve been brave enough to ask for. Yet, with Pais, there are strings attached and the last thing I want to do is rip her heart out.
I reach under her short shirt to cup her breast. It’s covered by a sports bra.
I groan. “You’re killing me with the spandex.”
Paisley pulls back. Our noses mush, but I can still see her tooth sink into her swollen lower lip. The one my teeth are jealous of her biting. She lets me palm her tit. Through the tight fabric, I pinch her taut nipple. She takes a sharp inhale, moving her mouth back over mine. When I skim my hand higher toward her collarbone, Paisley grabs my wrist and forces my hand back to her hip.
She grinds against me. Although her panties and pajama bottoms and the thick denim of my jeans and cotton boxers separate us, the way she moves against my throbbing erection is the reward for letting Paisley control the pace. She’s not a cock tease. I simply haven’t shown Paisley what she’s missing. When I do, I’ll have her naked under me, right where she belongs. The thought makes my balls tighten.
“Corazón,”I whisper with one hand cupping her ass and the other her cheek. “We have to stop or I’m going to blow in my pants.”
When she laughs, my thumb slides to rest on her chin.
“You think it’s funny turning me into some horny kid?”
“I can’t either. We can’t. I’m—It’s that time of the month.” She shakes her head and her unbound hair flies everywhere. The scent is intoxicating. I love the way she smells.
I brush an errant lock away. The need to touch her overpowers all else.
“Not lying to you. That excuse has never stopped me before.” Paisley’s eyes widen when I slide my thumb into her mouth.
In the dressing room, Sweet Caroline’s dancers hold nothing back. For instance, I learned at sixteen that sex is amazing for menstrual cramps. And depending on how much hot water versus the sting of cold that you’re into, not much beats the easy clean up with shower sex.
“You tell me what you need to make you feel better,corazón.I’ll listen. From now on, I’ll listen. Nod if you understand me.”
Her head bobs and my thumb slides between her lips. She sucks on it. Doesn’t that paint a pretty picture of the other things Paisley can do with that mouth?
I roll her to her back, letting Paisley lie flat on the sofa. I tickle her neck with my nose and kiss the soft spot behind her ear while her legs are still wrapped around my waist. My dick hates me as I take us down slowly. But this way I have an image of what her hair might look like spilling over the sheets of my bed or the cushions of my couch, should we not make it that far.
