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“I’m not disagreeing. Only trying to understand.”
“I didn’t want anyone to miss me.”
“If the past few months are any indication, there isn’t anything you can do to stop that. I’m going to miss you, Pais. Every damn day I’m without you I feel your absence.”
I understand a little more why Caroline says what she and my father had was once in a lifetime. I won’t make Paisley promises I can’t keep. I can’t force my help on her mother any more than Paisley could’ve convinced herself marrying Gavin was the right choice. But if Mrs. Cooper needs anything, I’ll be there to help her.
“When you left, I didn’t reach out to anyone to help me through it. I didn’t have many friends left until we began pretending in front of your friends. And all of a sudden, you—the person I’d spent the most time with—were gone. I was so lonely.
“I listened when you told me why you stayed away. I’m excited for you and the remodel at Sweet Caroline’s. It still hurts, though, Jake. And what happens when I’m not interesting to you anymore? You don’t have a secret to hold over my head now.”
Of all, her last confession stabs at me. It isn’t that I haven’t worried about the same thing.
“I’m finally doing what’s right for me. But I need you,Corazón.I should have told you that using the secret you were keeping against you was less important than being with you. I was afraid that if you knew, you’d have no reason to stay. I’ve been surviving these past few months, taking chances on something new, with the promise of you on the horizon. I’m hoping tonight we can start fresh.”
I hold my hand out for Paisley to shake. “Hi, I’m Jake Ballentine. I own a club downtown. And, until recently, I’ve been hopeless.”
She gives me an odd glare, but the corners of her lips turn up.
“Paisley Cooper. I, too, am a business owner in Brighton. Recently, I’ve…” She stops short of shaking my hand “You know what? Pretending we don’t have a history isn’t going to work for me, Jake. Do you think we could—
“Just go with it?” I finish her sentence. “Do you remember what happened when you said that to me?” Because I have to admit, kissing Paisley Cooper is the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. I wouldn’t have attempted to make any changes if she hadn’t run into my bar.
Paisley flushes. She shifts to straddle my lap. I cup the base of her neck, bringing our foreheads to rest together.
“You’re everything I ever dreamed of,” I whisper. “Please, let me back in,Corazón.” I nip, tugging her plump lower lip into my mouth.
Paisley opens for me so I can dive in deeper. Her velvety tongue strokes against mine. It’s as if the last time we did this was yesterday, and dinner can wait a little while longer.
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37
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I scurry into Brighton General Hospital with three minutes to spare. Grateful the elevator is open and empty, I punch the button for the third floor. As the metal doors shut, I check my fuzzy reflection, smoothing my skirt, and fluffing my hair over my shoulders.
My molars clench. Stowing myself, I push the air out of my lungs, let my shoulders fall, and try to relax. I should’ve known that finding a parking spot may be difficult and had to use the parking garage across the street.
“Layla has it under control.” I let the affirmation slip out, speaking to no one in particular. I’m the only person in the elevator.
Of all things to come down with, one of my favorite employees has been sick with Chickenpox! I lamented over it when she’d first called in sick. That day, I’d brought Jake lunch from a new deli and we were picnicking, using a cardboard box as a makeshift table. Layla stopped in at Sweet Caroline’s to see Julian and she offered to help me out of the bind, needing a distraction from her own job search. Having run a register before, she’s proven to be a quick study.
I don’t have a permanent position to offer Layla, or if she’d even want to stay on at the boutique, but her willingness to cover shifts has been a godsend. Not having to worry about missing out on what little time Jake and I have for one another is a relief.
Sweet Caroline’s grand reopening is approaching. The renovations at the club seem like they require Jake’s twenty-four/seven attention. Meanwhile, I’m sorting through the boutique’s yearly receipts, studying my savings account, and hoping that I can find a small business loan with good terms.
Both my mother and Jake offered to put up the money. I appreciate their support, but like everything else, I need to reach my goals on my own. Plus, when I questioned Sloan about Jake breaking Carver’s wrist—and she told me that allowing Jake to hurt him allowed Carver to move on from where he was in his life, the way Tom’s offer for Jake to go on the road gave Jake closure—she cautioned me against mixing any of Jake’s earnings from Sweet Caroline’s with Paisley’s Boutique.
It was a hard pill to swallow, knowing Jake has done a lot of unscrupulous things in his past. It brought up my own negative feelings about Jake’s disappearance and if he’s not showing me who he really is. For someone who I can’t get enough of, finding a level of trust with Jake is complicated. He says he’s committed to keeping shady deals out of the concert hall. However, there are certain commitments he made, that there is always the possibility he could wind up behind bars for, that Jake can’t back out of.
Kimber and Sloan are on the periphery of those situations as well. My curiosity got the best of me, and both mill girls sat me down and said if Jake was unwilling to confide certain details, it was for my safety. It’s frustrating for my friends when Trig and Carver keep secrets, though they understand that, in all likelihood, knowing what’s going on would implicate them. I appreciate having the reassurance to talk my concerns through with Kimber and Sloan.
I’ve come to recognize the reason they don’t judge is because they live in the same glasshouse that I do. Navigating loving someone who made conscious choices to engage in criminal activities that can cause problems in the future is hard. There are so many more shades of gray in the world than I thought existed before I heard about what my friends have endured and how those experiences shaped them. I may have a broken heart, but their journeys are heartbreaking.
Jake and I have been taking things slowly. I find it funny that a man who claims he doesn’t have a lot of patience has never been anything but with me.
We started dating after he made me dinner. We go on proper dates to the movies and out to eat. Although, Jake prefers holding my hand in the grocery aisles and bringing what we’ve bought home to cook.
