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“She’s still the nanny,” I confirm almost wearily. “We haven’t really—” I clench my jaw. “We haven’t talked about what happened.”
“Well, you need to!” JJ exclaims, looking incredulous that I haven’t had the needed conversation with Alex. “This isn’t something you can just brush under the rug and hope for the best, Leo. Clear the air and either keep her on as your nanny or, I don’t know, get another one.”
Dryly, Reed remarks, “Maybe someone your mother’s age.”
I glare at him, though it’s not heated, and he remains unfazed. I wipe the towel over my face again, exhaling roughly. I know they are right; I know a conversation with Alex is needed. But facing that kind of awkwardness and discomfort is going to be hell, no matter how necessary. Maybe it would be easier to get another nanny, but the thought of taking Lilah and Alex away from each other sits heavily, unsettling. The two of them have a special bond that can’t be ignored, and if I fucked that up for my daughter, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
I just hope this hasn’t gotten too screwed up beyond repair.
Eventually, the guys leave, and I reluctantly exit the home gym as well, wondering where Lilah and Alex are. But it doesn’t take long to find them in the kitchen, following the sounds of their giggles. Unsurprisingly, the two of them seem to be in the middle of baking, one of their favorite pastimes, as I have come to learn.
It smells like brownies, delicious and warm and fresh, and a laugh threatens to bubble through me at the sight of brownie batter at the corners of Lilah’s mouth. “Hi, Daddy!” my daughter greets excitedly from where she’s standing on a stool next to Alex. “We made brownies.”
I keep my gaze on my daughter for a moment longer. “I can see that,” I say with a small grin. “Smells great.”
My gaze slides over to Alex, but she doesn’t meet mine. Instead, she is focused on sprinkling chocolate chips in a pan of brownie batter. Another is already baking in the oven, from what I can see. The tension becomes a little too obvious, and I clench my jaw before looking at my daughter.
“Hey, sweetheart, you wanna go watch some TV? Gotta talk to Alex real quick,” I tell Lilah gently.
I can feel Alex’s gaze snap to me, even as she helps Lilah off the stool and my daughter runs off into the living room. When it’s just Alex and me, I stand opposite of her, a counter full of ingredients in between us. Alex has once again gone back to not looking at me, and my jaw works for a moment before I say, “You know we have to talk.”
“Totally,” Alex says with a nod, lips pressing together as she wipes her hand on the floral apron tied around her waist. “That would be the mature, adult thing to do.”
Despite the circumstances, I resist the urge to smile, her tone telling me that she most definitely doesnotwant to do the mature, adult thing. Not that I can really blame her for it. I don’t think I do, either. But it’s necessary.
The reality of it all sinks in, and unease creeps through my veins. I brace my hands on the counter, gripping it tightly when she still doesn’t meet my gaze. My thoughts take a turn for the worse, and I say, “I just want to apologize for making you uncomfortable the other night.” Alex grows rigid, her head snapping up to finally lock her eyes with mine, but I continue on. “It wasn’t my intention. I never should have crossed that line, and if you don’t want to work as Lilah’s nanny, I understand that. If I fucked things up for you and my kid, I’m sorry, Alex.”
She stares at me, the silence in the kitchen mounting after my words, and I see the surprise that settles on her pretty features. “I...” She trails off, her eyebrows furrowing together. Alex shakes her head, then, and says quietly, “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”
Those five words still the air in my lungs, inhaling sharply but quietly, my grip on the edge of the counter tightening.You didn’t make me uncomfortable. Relief floods through me like a tidal wave, making it a little easier to breathe as I nod to myself. I didn’t make her uncomfortable—but it doesn’t necessarily mean that she wanted me to kiss her in the first place.
“But you’re right,” Alex says, her throat working. Her blue eyes lock with my light brown ones, and she chews on her lower lip. I do my best not to watch, to keep my gaze from straying. “Weshouldn’t have crossed that line.”
Something twists in my chest, difficult to ignore. “Right,” I say with a sharp dip of my chin.
“I just—” Alex makes her way around the counter, her eyes fixed on me as she approaches me. She stops a few feet away, and there is a plea in her gaze that I can’t ignore as she peers up at me. “I love being Lilah’s nanny and I can’t get dropped by my agency.” With a breathless, nervous laugh she adds, “They have a zero-tolerance policy for this kind of stuff.”
“I know,” I say with a nod. “We wouldn’t want you to go, either. Lilah likes having you around. So do I.”
A cautious confession, one I probably shouldn’t speak aloud after what has happened, but I can’t help myself. A little of my self-control seems to slip when I’m around Alex, and while it might get me in trouble, I don’t necessarily mind it. Especially when Alex’s eyes lock with mine once more and, so quietly, she asks, “You do?”
Unable to help myself, I smirk, wishing to close the distance between us once again. “I almost kissed you, didn’t I?”
A pink flush spreads across her cheeks, and satisfaction spreads through me heatedly knowing that I am the reason for it. Alex’s eyes spark, like she is delighted by my words, and it only sends my blood pumping. The space between us seems to grow smaller and smaller, and I don’t think either of us truly realize it. Not until Alex has to tilt her head back to look up at me, the heat of her body seeping into my bones, so close that, under the bright lights of the kitchen, I can make out the flecks of green in her blue irises.
“I didn’t realize you liked having me aroundthatmuch,” Alex says pointedly, teasingly. Enough to make my dick stir.
God, weren’t wejusttalking about the possibility of her getting fired by her agency if they found out that she and I are toeing the professional line of employer and employee? I think it is just easier to not worry about that when we are within the privacy of my home, where no one outside of this room will know what is going on. No one will know of the tension that wraps around us, insulating the electric charge passing between us. In the distance, I can vaguely hear the sound of the television where Lilah watches it in the living room, but all I can focus on right now is the woman in front of me.
“What can I say?” I murmur, hand reaching up to tug at the end of the braid that rests over her shoulder. My gaze meets hers as a ghost of a smile touches her mouth. “You kind of snuck up on me.”
I don’t know when we got this close, to the point where we are breathing each other’s air. But we have, back in the same position as we had been the other night in front of the guest house, the aroma of brownies lingering in the air, and yet all I can make sense of is her lavender scent.
My nose bumps her, my gaze dropping to her mouth, lips so pink and full and begging to be kissed. Alex exhales softly, the action making her entire body shudder as she says breathlessly, “We shouldn’t.”
It’s a repeat of that night, where we stopped before truly crossing the line. But despite her words, I feel Alex lean into me slightly, our lips a hair's breadth away from one another. So, instead of moving back like the smart, right option, I mutter lowly, “Tell me to stop, and I will. Just say the word, Alex.”
I wait. I don’t move a muscle, waiting for her to make the call. My heart thunders in my chest, and part of me expects her to—hopesfor her to—step away, to tell me to stop. It would make things far less complicated than they are already beginning to be if she does that.
