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“Not so fast.”
I crumble in that second. “I’m so sorry, Crew. None of this was supposed to happen.”
The disappointment in Crew’s eyes slices through me with the potency of a knife. “So it’s true. You fucked him?” He observes the mark, but still demands an answer. “Yes or no?”
I break eye contact, chin down, and I nod.
Crew tosses my arm away like it’s trash. “That son of a bitch.” He whips around, giving me his back. His knees bend and he slouches, then comes back up, all the while tugging his hair on both sides of his head. As fast as he let me go, he grabs me again. Both arms this time, while his eyes level with mine. “Did he rape you? Just say the fucking word, Scar, and I’ll kill him.”
I shake my head, telling him the truth. “No.”
“So you wanted it?” He exhales dramatically, jaw ticking as he awaits my response.
A door outside the room slams shut, startling me, and I know it was Jagger leaving. “I had to do it, Crew. He knew things about me that he was going to hold over my head if I didn’t—”
He draws in a breath, holding it. “Let me get this straight. Neo knew a secret about you and threatened to expose it if you didn’t sleep with him?” My chest feels so tight. I can barely breathe. Let alone think or speak. “ I need you to be honest with me, Scar.”
If I admit that’s what happened, I have no doubt he’ll go after Neo. What he won't understand is that, in the end, I wanted it just as much as Neo did.
“Neo made the deal, but I accepted it because it’s what I wanted. These last couple days, I’ve seen humanity trying to claw its way out of Neo. I…I saw him differently.”
“You saw him in a different light and decided to jump into bed with him? Jesus, Scar. Do you know how that sounds?”
I drop my head back, eyes closed as I collect my thoughts. It’s damn near impossible to explain how I feel because I’m not even sure myself. Ever since I kissed Neo, something awakened inside me. It was a moment of clarity, and after hearing Neo tell me his dad is the one who brainwashed him against me, everything has changed. Neo wasn’t lying when he said that my entire life would change once I knew the secret he was holding.
I bring my head back forward and own up to what I did the best I can. “I know it sounds ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous?” Crew spits out. “It’s unfathomable. What? Do you plan to fuck every guy who cracks a smile or gives you a compliment or shows themselves in a different light?”
On instinct, I slap him across the face. “How dare you judge me!”
“Well, what the hell do you expect?” His nostrils flare while he soothes his cheek, his voice rising with each word. “First Jagger and now Neo. Are you trying to build your own harem, or what?”
“No!” I shout, anger and pain both unleashing at once. “I messed up, Crew! I’m sorry. I…I don’t know what else to say. I guess…go to Maddie. You’re better off with her.” I storm out of the room, tears falling down my cheeks as I head straight for the door to leave.
Once I’m out, I don’t even bother glancing over my shoulder to see if Crew’s following, because I know he’s not.
I don’t even know who I am anymore. When I first got to The Academy, someone told me this place would break me. I had no idea until now how true those words were.
A memory of my first day here pops into my mind. It was something Riley said.
“Hey,” Riley whispers, pulling me off to the side of the trail, “wanna hear a secret?”
“You know I do.”
“I heard a rumor that a member once had a relationship with an outsider here at BCA, and when The Lawless found out, they killed the guy.”
“Come on,” I sweep the air with my hand, “you can’t believe everything you hear. Sure, all The Lawless, then and now, are pricks, but they aren’t actual murderers.” Even if it wasn’t long ago, I assumed they were all capable. Funny how things change.
Her shoulders rise, and she clicks her tongue. “I dunno. I think you’d be surprised.”
Is it possible that the member she was referring to was my mom? Neo said the guy, being Jeremy Beckett, went missing and was presumed dead. It would make sense Riley heard the guy was killed.
There’s only one way to find out. I need Riley to tell me everything she knows.
ChapterTwenty
CREW
