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“Hey,” Riley says, sticking her mascara wand back in the tube. “What’s the matter?”
I drop my hands from the sink and turn around to look at myself in the mirror. I’m a mess. A hickey on my neck that reminds me I’m a whore. Dark circles wrap around my tired, red eyes. My hair is still matted from having sex with Neo. In fact, his dried cum is still on my neck. I haven’t showered, I haven’t eaten. And I won’t until I know the truth.
“I’ve made a mess of things, Ry.” I purse my lips tightly, fighting back the urge to break down. “I think I need to go home.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I lose it.
Riley holds me tight, while I sob into the sleeve of her robe. The same robe I just returned to her. “First of all, whatever mess has been made, we can clean up. Second, you’re not leaving. You are not a quitter, Scarlett Sunder.”
“Maybe I am. Maybe that’s why I don’t like change or trying new things, because I’m afraid I’ll quit when things get hard.”
Riley grabs my face so that I’m looking at her. “Listen to me. You are one of the toughest girls I know. If anyone should quit, it’s me. I’m the world’s worst Guardian. I’m like an elf at Santa’s workshop, who doesn’t know how to build toys. What kind of elf can’t build toys? Better yet, what kind of Guardian can’t crack a case?”
We both laugh, and it’s a nice moment of comical relief. I step back and wipe the back of my hand up my nose. “You’re a great Guardian.”
“No, I’m not. I’m a terrible one. But I’m not quitting, and neither are you. Now tell me why you think you made a mess of everything.”
I look at myself in the mirror again, hating everything about me with each word that leaves my mouth. “I had sex with Neo.”
My eyes meet Riley’s wide ones in the reflection of the mirror, and her mouth drops open. “You had sex with him?”
I nod, lips pursed, and tears ready to fall again. The lump in my throat has expanded and my chest shakes with each breath. “I did, and while I don’t like myself for why I did it, I don’t regret it.” That does it. My bottom lip quivers as I sob again, but I don’t stop talking. “And I hate myself for liking it. I’m so angry that Neo showed me this other side of him that no one else gets to see.”
Riley rubs my back and I drop my head, looking into the empty sink. “Scar, you’re not a bad person for seeing the good in someone who wants the world to think he’s a monster.”
“But to have sex with him? Crew and Jagger’s best fucking friend? What does that say about me?”
“It says, you’re a girl who knows what she wants and found it in three different guys.”
I lift my head and rub my fingers under my tear-soaked eyes. “I don’t think Crew and Jagger will see it that way. Besides, I don’t want a relationship with Neo. I still can’t stand the guy half of the time. He’s still a selfish asshole.”
“So it was just sex? To get what you wanted from him?”
I nod. “I think so.”
“Well,” Riley quips, “what was it he was holding over your head? You don’t have to tell me if…”
“I’ll tell you.” I pivot around to face her. “But you can’t tell anyone. Not a single soul.”
I know I can trust Riley. She’s one of the good ones and she’s been on my side since the minute I got to The Academy. But I wouldn't fault her for turning me in. After all, I’m a fraud. It might actually make things easier. Get kicked out of The Society. Get on with my life.
“Your secret’s safe with me. Promise.”
“Apparently, I’m not a Blue Blood,” I spit out, no thought process behind it. No time to sugarcoat it and wrap it up with a cute bow. “My mom had an affair with an outsider. A Beckett.”
“Oh dear God, Scar. Tell me your mom isn’t the girl from the rumors.”
My sunken shoulders and bitten lip tell her everything my lack of words do not.
“Okay.” She nods, breaking eye contact. “Okay. This is fine.” Her gaze shoots back to mine. “Who all knows?”
“Obviously Neo’s dad because he’s the one who told Neo years ago. Apparently, it’s why Neo has always despised me. All this time, he looked at me as an outsider. It’s no wonder he was so cruel.”
“Don’t make excuses for his bad behavior. Neo could have come clean prior to fucking you. But why now? Why is he telling you this all of a sudden?”
I shrug my shoulders because I haven’t the slightest clue. “I guess he had his fun and he was done. I think his intentions were to hurt me by telling me the truth, but in the end, I don’t think that’s what he wanted.”
Riley holds up a finger and begins counting them off. “So…Neo’s dad, Neo, me, and you. That’s it, that we know of?”
“That I know of? Yeah. I haven’t told Crew, Jagger, or Maddie yet.”
