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How am I doing?That’s a good question. “Would you believe me if I said I’m doing okay?”
Her lips press into a thin line and she shakes her head. “I know you, Crew. Your eyes don’t lie.”
“Oh yeah?” I rest my head on my hands. “What are they telling you right now?”
She leans closer, squinting while dissecting my eyes. “You’re sad. Lost, maybe.”
“I guess you’re right.” I chuckle. “My eyes don’t lie.”
Maddie adjusts the white chenille blanket on her lap and sinks back, getting comfortable. “Listen, Crew. I didn’t wake up a fool. I’m well aware that while I was asleep, you were awake and living your life. I don’t want you to think that I’m not taking that into consideration. The person you were before I fell is not the person you are now. And the same goes for me.”
“What are you saying, Mads?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t expect us to pick up where we left off…unless you want to.”
Averting my gaze, I chew on my bottom lip. Maddie catches the action. “Avoiding eye contact, biting your lip. Are you forgetting I’ve known you since we were both in diapers?”
“Ya know,” I look at her, “I think you probably know me better than anyone. No matter what happens, I don’t wanna lose you, Mads.”
“A million light years could pass and you’d still have me. What I wanna know is, have I lost you?”
“No,” I say honestly, “you’ll never lose me. You’re my best friend.”
Maddie nods, and now she’s the one biting her lip and averting her gaze. “Best friend, huh?” I swallow hard, hoping she didn’t take it the wrong way. “I can handle that.” She snaps her fingers at me, eyes beaming. “But I have to come before Neo. It can be our secret, but I need you to say the words.”
I chuckle. “You come before Neo. But it’s our secret.” Maddie holds out her pinkie finger, and I wrap mine around it. “I’m glad you’re back.”
“Me, too.”
Maddie and I spend a solid hour catching up. She asks a lot of questions about me, The Academy, Jude, and even Scar. It’s nice having my friend back. She doesn't know about me and Scar and it might take some time easing her into that, but right now, she’s happy and that’s all that matters.
At one point in our conversation, she mentioned Neo and Scar being together, and I kept my lips sealed because, hell, maybe they are starting something up. I always knew Neo kept a sliver of his heart open just for her, probably the only part that’s not charred black. Throughout their fights and threats, I’d always stand by idly as the sparks flew. But I never let it affect what I had with Scar because I know what we have is real. Her relationships with other people don’t take away from her relationship with me.
Neo was raw tonight. Jagger and I saw a part of him we haven’t seen in years. Ever since his mom died, he’s been unable to express any emotion other than hatred. A couple weeks ago, we were walking to the river to try and catch the stalker—which was a bust—but Neo kept fucking with Scar. He was flipping her hood, flirting with her. That’s when I knew he was hiding his feelings. Neo doesn’t flirt, and he certainly doesn’t let a girl make him laugh, unless it’s a sinister one.
I’ve got no doubt there’s something going on, even if they’ll both deny it. Jagger knows it, too. It’s the reason he’s been so pissy lately. He’s worried we’re losing her to Neo, and no matter how hard I’ve drilled it into his head that we’re not, he fails to believe it.
So now, we need to talk—all four of us.
ChapterTwenty-One
SCAR
“Everything.I need you to tell me everything you know about the case,” I beg and plead with Riley, all the while knowing she might be limited on what she’s allowed to confess. She’s already said there isn’t much to tell in the case of the student having a forbidden relationship with an outsider, but there has to be more. The guy supposedly died at the hands of The Lawless. Someone has to know something.
She runs her mascara up her lashes, while leaning close to the dormitory bathroom mirror. “Honestly, Scar. There isn’t much to tell.” She blinks through each swipe, coating her lashes. “Everything I heard was while I was eavesdropping the summer before my junior year here.”
I press my palms behind me against the cold vanity, while twisting my head to watch her. “Who were you eavesdropping on? Why did the conversation start? How did it end?”
Moving to the next eye, she watches herself in the mirror while she talks. “It was a Chapter meeting. Probably seven to nine Elders were gathered in the meeting room, while I was playing a game on my phone outside the door. They were talking about a female member having an affair with an outsider. Said he was set to testify against her in front of the student body, so she could be punished, but he died first. Apparently, she had a connection to one of The Lawless members and he helped her or whatever.”
Or whatever? The casualness of her tone makes me wish this were just an insignificant conversation. I’ve got no doubt in my mind that my mom was that female student. And The Lawless member she had a connection with—none other than my dad, or so I thought, Kol Sunder.
Everything Riley is saying matches perfectly with what Neo said.
My heart pangs with unbearable agony. Dread washes over me. I’ve lost my identity, and I have no idea who I am, or where I belong anymore.
Do I dare confess this to Riley, or anyone, for that matter? Where do I go from here?
