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“Technically, I’m driving back into town. I need to get to my hotel before they charge me for checking in late.”
I turn the key in the ignition and hope I appear much braver than I feel. I wave to Jake as I drive off, leaving him standing there to watch my taillights as I disappear down the road. I know I’m tempting fate, but honestly, I don’t really care about getting a ticket anymore. The night lights, mixed with the steady rhythm of my tires, transport me into the past just over a year ago, to the moment my life changed forever.
“How many times do I have to tell you, Jake? My name is Margot, not Lilly. I’m not ten anymore.” I looked into his eyes and knew that he was ribbing me just for fun. I’d always be his Lilly-girl, and we both knew it.
At the age of ten, I decided that I didn’t like my first name and wanted to go by my middle name. That moment led to almost ten years of me being called Lilly. Now that I was an adult, though, I wanted to be called by my real name. The problem was, I worked with cops. A rowdy bunch of people who, once they got it in their heads that they wanted to call you something, stuck with it.
I grew up around deputies. When my dad died, they welcomed both me and my mother into their family with open arms. Although, now that I was telling them where to go and giving them the information they needed to do their jobs, it seemed like none of them took me seriously. It was frustrating beyond belief and it was ten times worse with Jake.
Jacob Findlay, the deputy that I fell into bed with after a lifetime of friendship, and ever since had fallen head over heels for. At almost thirty, Jake had already finished his degree and was a member of the Birch County Sheriff’s Department. He did all of it and still had time to live. He didn’t have to worry about figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. We weren’t close to being on the same level, not really.
I couldn’t even look him in the eyes because we both knew that calling me Lilly wasn’t the real problem right now. The problem was that I told him I was pregnant a week ago, and now he was planning our lives out. I was barely twenty-two. I didn’t want to have my life figured out for me. I was supposed to leave this town and go off to manage an emergency department. Even though I had taken the job the department offered as a dispatcher after I finished my degree, I felt stuck.
“Margot… Please, don’t leave like this. We can figure this out. We can do this… together.” His eyes, greener than I had ever seen them before, blazed with his unspoken words. It shattered everything in my resolve, and he folded me into his arms, holding me tight.
Neither of us said anything, but we knew that the problems wouldn’t resolve themselves. I knew that I would be giving up my future to stay with him and have the baby. Still Jake knew that he couldn’t do anything to keep me in his arms if I decided to leave. We had both seen our good friend Maya almost die, and it changed everything.
I sniffled and realized that I started crying in Jake’s arms. “Baby. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We can do this.” His voice was the last thing I heard before I fell into the welcoming arms of darkness.
* * *
Jake
I watch Margot speed away from me and know that my carefully constructed world is falling apart right in front of my eyes. The last year completely crumbles, leaving me just as raw and heartbroken as I was the night Margot left me.
There was a car accident. Maya was the one to call me at home. “Jake, you need to get to Maine Coast. There’s been an accident… Lilly got hurt.” I couldn’t hear anything else that she said because my heart rate had instantly skyrocketed. Lilly was hurt and what about the baby? I forced myself to take a deep breath, knowing that I had to ask.
“Maya… the baby?” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the question.
“I don’t know, Jake. She was taken in the ambulance.” I disconnected the call, getting into my truck and taking off. I made it there in record time and didn’t bother to go in the main entrance. Swinging around to the emergency entrance reserved for law enforcement and medical professionals only, I threw my truck in park and ran through the electric doors.
“Where is she?” I asked a nurse.
She was crying, and she pointed to the far room.
It was strange; as a nurse she was trained to keep her emotions in check.
I nodded at her and tried to rush to Margot’s side. I really did, but my feet felt like they were covered in cement and every step drained a year from my life. When I finally reached the doorway, only a few seconds had passed, but I felt every single one of them weighing on my chest.
It tore me apart to see her lying in a hospital bed. The sight was even worse than seeing Maya after her attack. Lilly’s black hair was pulled to the side, and her skin was almost as pale as the sheets that she was wrapped in. Her hands were laced together over her abdomen, and she was turned away from me, but I could hear her heart-wrenching sobs from the doorway.
“Oh, baby. I’m here.” I moved into the room and brushed her bangs away from her forehead, kneeling down to kiss where my fingers had just been. The woman I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with curled into my hand and grieved for our baby. I waited for her to stop crying, but it didn’t happen for a long time. When I was greeted with soft snores, I took a deep breath and let myself mourn the loss.
While she slept, I called dispatch and had them update me on everything that happened. Lilly was driving when a drunk driver ran a red light and smashed into the driver’s side of her car. The other driver walked away without a scratch, but not Lilly.
No, not my precious flower.
I stayed with her until the doctors discharged her. I was the one wrapping her carefully in a blanket when it was time to take her home. I moved her into my house and tucked her into a makeshift bed on the couch. It was only when she was asleep again that I let himself cry for what we could have had. When I finished, I crawled onto the couch and held her until I fell asleep.
Hours later I woke up and realized she packed her bags.
“Jake, I can’t stay here.” Her eyes were bleak, and although her face was clean, it looked like she hadn’t ever stopped crying.
“I know.” Even though I felt like someone was stepping on my chest, I knew that this moment was coming. The car accident just made it possible for her to escape the life she wasn’t ready for.
A life with me.
“I need to do something with my life. I need to get out of this town. It’s just going to be too hard.” She looked at me then, and I felt my resolve crumble. I searched her eyes for any sign that she was waiting for me to convince her to stay, but there was none.
