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“I vote drop him. Like a pan of hotcakes.” I look at Maya, and the woman has the decency to blush. “What? I’m serious. I don’t like him. He’s too nice. There’s something wrong with him.”
“You just don’t trust gingers.” Poppy snorts into her glass.
“Not true. I like you well enough.”
“That’s only because you were stuck in a dark room with me for a few years every single night we worked. You were forced to.”
“Asshole. I digress. I still don’t like him. There’s something weird about him.” Maya sniffs, then takes a drink of her beer.
“I know. I just thought maybe I was overreacting or something. I guess not.” I know that I’ll have to end it with Ray, and it has nothing to do with Jake. I can’t be with someone who freaks out on me for not being responsive enough.
“I don’t mean this in a weird or creepy way, but I think you should make sure that either Jake or Brian knows about this.” Maya looks down at her arm, where she has been absently rubbing along her tattoo. “You know. Just in case he’s a psycho.”
No one says anything for a few minutes, all of them lost in their memories. We almost lost our friend because of a psycho, and Maya is lucky to be alive after what he did to her. I barely knew her when the accident happened, and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without Maya in it.
“Don’t worry, I will. But I don’t think it’ll be a problem. We haven’t even slept together. I just, you know.” I flounder for what I should say, motioning with my hands, attempting to get my point across.
“We know. You’re in love with Jake. You don’t have to deny it.” Megan takes a drink of her margarita and then frowns when she realizes that it’s now empty.
“It’s not that. I just don’t think I’m going to be with anyone. I want to think about my career.” A bald-faced lie since all I want to do is crawl into Jake’s arms and let him make everything okay like he had at the hospital.
“You’ve been thinking about your education and career since you left. I think it’s time you face how you really feel. How you’ve always felt.” Poppy still has some of her drink left and doesn’t hesitate in draining it before looking back at Margot. “I know it’s scary. But you have nothing to lose.”
I start crying, unable to look into the eyes of any of my friends. “I’m afraid. We’re different. We’re not the same people.”
“Sweetie. That’s the best part. You get to know each other again. There’s nothing that says you have to jump right into it. Take it slow. Date. You don’t have to get married right away. I mean, hell. Brian and I aren’t even married yet.” Maya drains the last of her margarita and gets up, heading to the kitchen.
“You two aren’t married yet because he refuses to elope with you and you refuse to have a big wedding,” I holler after my friend. “I need my pills! Can you bring them and something to drink? And a snack, too.”
“Eh, details,” she calls back. I hear the cupboards open and then the blender whirring in the other room. When Maya comes back, she has the entire pitcher and a bottle of water with my pills.
I sit there as my friends continue to talk and celebrate life’s events, but all I can do is think about what I did. What I should have done. Caught up in the idea of what could have been, I’m oblivious to what my friends are talking about around me.
The day wears on, and more alcohol is consumed. Music is played, and horrible dance moves are reenacted by everyone. I have fun, when all I wanted to do was to sleep and wallow in self-pity. As the day turns into night, I expect to feel like my friends are crowding me, but instead, I find myself happy when they all make themselves comfortable and sleeping bags appear from somewhere.
“What the hell?” I ask no one in particular, a smile playing on my face. “Don’t most of you have people to go home to?”
“Nope,” Megan says, slurping on her drink. “I’m yours for the night.” She smiles and continues to drink, while snuggling into her sleeping bag on the living room floor.
Poppy doesn’t say anything, just curls up into her bedding and lays her head on her arm, looking at me and the other women. She smiles, though, and I find myself smiling back at the other woman. It feels good, having them here in my house.
“And I’m not going anywhere, because Brian keeps asking me to look into surrogacy. He wants us to explore our options. We’re not even married, and he wants to have a baby.” Maya hiccups and then takes a large gulp of her margarita. “I mean, we have the boys. I don’t need any more. Plus, who would carry a baby for me?”
“I would.” I speak without even thinking. “I’d do it in a heartbeat. You’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.”
“You… you would?” Maya bursts into tears and throws herself into my arms. “You don’t have to do that.” She keeps crying, and there is nothing that I can do except pat her back.
“You’re drunk, love. But if you and Brian want to talk about it when you’re sober, I’m more than happy to. Only if you put him out of his misery and marry him first.” I laugh and pat my friend’s back, oblivious to the looks of love and awe that are coming from the other women.
“I’m gonna get to have a baby,” Maya cries and promptly falls asleep in my arms.
“Well, she’s out.” Poppy giggles.
I push Maya off me, letting the other woman fall to the couch in an awkward heap. I pull a blanket over her and use the sleeping woman as a footrest while I make myself comfortable. I look at the other women, and gratitude fills my heart.
“Thanks, you guys. I mean it. Thank you for being here. I didn’t know how badly I needed today.”
There is a chorus of agreements and a pillow thrown at my head from Poppy’s direction.
