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“I’m tired,” I announce. “But I’m too comfortable to move. Night.” Closing my eyes, I let myself think about what my life would be like if Jake and I were able to give it another chance.
I love him.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’d admit that I have never stopped.
12
MARGOT
“I don’t knowwhat you want me to say, Ray.” I look at him and am surprised that I don’t feel any regret at breaking off whatever we had. “You got weird and irrational and frankly kind of creepy when I was injured and my phone was dead. I can’t have that. It’s easier if we just end this now. I hope you understand.”
“Well, I don’t. I know that I was out of hand, but I was worried.” He reaches for me, but I pull my arm out of his reach. “Please, Margot. This doesn’t have to be the end when we didn’t even really get a chance to have a beginning.”
For a moment I’m caught in the blue of his eyes and I feel bad for not giving him that chance, but then I remember that he freaked out on me.
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m not doing this. We weren’t together. We didn’t even get to have an actual date. It’s over.” And I walk away without looking back.
“I’m not letting go!” he calls after me. “When you come to your senses, you know where to find me!”
I don’t turn around. I’m glad that I listened to my friends and my gut. Obviously, there is something wrong with Ray, and I don’t want to have anything to do with him. For a minute I think about telling his fire chief what happened, but I decide against it. There is no reason to involve his boss; he hasn’t done anything illegal or unethical.
Stopping at my car, I sigh and put my head against the door, saying a silent prayer for strength. In the two weeks since my accident, I’ve almost made almost a full recovery. The bruises are gone, and so is the pain, at least until I get a migraine out of nowhere, which I guess is a side effect of the concussion. I’ve also managed to avoid Ray until today when he cornered me outside of my office. Someone coughs from the other side of my car. Looking up, I’m transfixed by a familiar set of green eyes. The eyes I could drown in, if there were such a thing.
“Jake.”
“Hey, Lilly-girl. How are you doing?”
“How many times, Jake? How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t want anyone else to pick up on the nickname.”
“Hush, there’s no one around. I told you. You’ll always be my Lilly-girl. Always.” He smiles at me. “What was the hose chaser doing here? You got a date?” The last bit is forced out, I can tell, but he’s still got a smile on his face.
“No. No, I don’t.” I open the door and slide into the driver’s seat, not giving him an answer to the question he’s really asking. “Goodbye, Jake.” I close the door and start the engine, afraid to look at him. Worried that if I do, I’ll ask him to take me home, and I’m not ready for that.
I’m almost home when the radio in my car starts going off with fire tones.
“Attention, Birch Harbor Fire Department. Please respond to 811 Amber Street for a report of commercial fire. Birch Harbor Fire Department, please respond to 811 Amber Street for a report of commercial fire. Stand by for mutual aid tones.” I immediately turn my car in the other direction.
Amber Street is across the river, pretty close to the county building that houses both the EMA offices and the sheriff’s department, so I swing back into work. Leaving my car idling, I make my way into my office to gather the supplies I know I’ll need to help. While I’m in the building, I make sure that the dispatchers have everything that they need, then I make my way to the fire scene to offer any support that I can.
It is bad. There are people screaming, calling for loved ones who are still in the burning building. There are four fire departments on-scene already, and sirens can be heard in the distance. The paramedics on-scene are helping the victims that the fire crews are retrieving, while some are attempting to knock back the flames. There is a ladder extended to the roof, and it looks like one of the crews is up there trying to vent the building.
I feel my heart lurch in my throat when an explosion rocks the building and even the ground I’m standing on. The radios squawk, and the incident commander calls for an evacuation of the building.
“No!” a woman screams from behind me. “My husband! He’s still inside; they can’t leave him in there.” I run to the woman, holding her as her body collapses.
“Shh. Shh. I’ve got you. I’m here.” I hold the other woman while she rails, crying for her husband, and together we watch the front of the building as the men make their way to safety.
After what seems like an eternity, I see a familiar firefighter come out the front holding a man around his arms.
“Eddie!” the woman calls. “Eddie! That’s my Eddie!” She pushes herself up and away from me, running to her husband’s side. He’s wheezing and coughing.
“Angel. What are you crying for?” He manages with a faint laugh. “I’m here, love.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but he needs to get checked out,” Ray says, handing the man over to the paramedics. I think about going to Ray for a minute, but I know that it will just complicate things between us even more, so I stay away.
Instead, I call the fire marshal’s office. When Logan answers directly, I know that something’s up.
“Hey, Margot,” he starts. “Thanks for the call, but I’m already on my way out there.”
