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“Great. You wanna burn these?” He gestured at the pile of leaves.
“Yes!” I replied.
His smile widened, making my breath catch. “All right then, pile ’em up.”
And that’s what we did. Made the biggest pile of leaves we could, and then Jake set them on fire. The weather until today had been pretty mild, so they were dry and went up in flames really fast, crackling and spitting in the cold fall air. “May as well add this stuff too.” He’d gathered a pile of twigs and sticks and when I nodded, threw them on as well.
“You were always such a fire bug,” I observed, stiffening the moment the words were out of my mouth. We weren’t meant to do that, weren’t meant to allude, in anyway whatsoever, to the fact that we had a history. That we knew anything more than purely superficial details about each other.
“Yeah, well, it’s pretty cold. Who doesn’t like a nice warm fire on a day like this?”
“True.” Okay, that wasn’t too bad. We got through it.
“Why don’t you have a seat?”
“Huh?”
“Here.”
I watched him grab a short, stumpy log and bring it close to the fire and pat it invitingly, indicating I should sit. “Oh, nice. Thanks.” I wanted to say something about s’mores but thought better of it. It was already hard enough to avoid remembering that just a few feet behind us was the spot where Jake had asked me to move in with him, even though the hammock was long gone.
“Did you catch the game last night?”
Good. A nice, safe topic. “Yeah, Hastings had a great game, didn’t he? I didn’t think the Knights were gonna pull it off and then he hit that home run.”
“Me either.” He brought his own log over and sat down, poking at the fire so that a shower of sparks flew up into the sky. Staring into the fire for a long moment, he said, “I’ll be asking the doctor about it.”
I frowned in confusion. Asking the doctor about the Knights nearly losing to the Saints? Oh. He wanted to start playing in the local league again. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”
“Dunno. There’s just a few more games, I’d hate to miss them. What do you think?”
I ran my eyes over him. He’d taken his sweater off while he worked, and his long-sleeved shirt clung to his muscles. He looked fit and healthy and good enough to lick all over. I turned my gaze back to the fire. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” I rubbed my hands together and held them out to the crackling flames. “Just promise me you’ll do what the doctor says, if he asks you to wait till the spring.”
He didn’t reply.
“Jake…” I said, a warning note in my voice.
“Okay.”
His tone was laced with irritation, but he’d promised so I knew he’d follow through on that. And wasn’t this all so nice? Just me and my ex, chilling on a crisp fall afternoon. It was all very cozy, and I could enjoy it if I didn’t think too much about hammocks, and car accidents, and cold tiled bathroom floors.
Suddenly, I’d had enough. The fire was too hot and I was feeling way too antsy to continue sitting there. So I got to my feet, knocking the log over in the process.
“Emma.” Jake stood up as well, blocking my way so I couldn’t escape. There was a world of meaning in the way he said my name, and it dragged my gaze to his. There was so much there to unpack, but I didn’t want to do that. No, all the baggage between us could stay right where it was. Locked up tight.
What I did want to do, though, was feel his lips on mine. It was stupid and reckless and undoubtedly a big fucking mistake, but maybe if I kissed him, I could stop fantasizing about it. There was no way it could be as good as I remembered. I should just get it over with. Like ripping off a band aid.
We were standing about a foot apart. Not giving myself a chance to reconsider, I closed the distance between us. Jake watched me, his eyes intense on my face. Drawing in a shaky breath, I let his scent wash over me. Knowing I shouldn’t, I let myself remember anyway, let the heat curl in my belly, until I was swaying toward him.
“Emma,” he said again, his voice low, whispering over my skin and settling in my belly. I lay my hand over his heart. It was thudding hard, matching the rhythm of my own.Stop. This is dangerous.But I didn’t listen. I didn’t stop. Instead, I slid my hand up his chest, into his hair, pressed my body against him. Raised my face to his. He could kiss me, or he could step back, his choice.
He didn’t step back.
I let out a soft sigh when he cupped my face, then slowly lowered his head. It was light and gentle at first, only a breath of a kiss. It wasn’t nearly enough. I wound my arms around his neck, rising up on tiptoe to press my lips harder against his. The feel of his hands sliding down my back to my hips, pulling me closer against him, made me gasp. He took his chance, sliding his tongue against my open lips. Maybe I whimpered, I don’t know. I hope I wasn’t that shameless. I did, however, open my lips more, inviting him to deepen the kiss, to tangle his tongue with mine.
It was hot and wet and amazing, setting off fireworks inside me. It was so much better than I’d even imagined. Christ, how could I have forgotten this? Or was it new? Had he just got that much better? Who cared. It set me on fire, burned away all the memories, all the pain, so that there was only me, and Jake, and pure, scorching hot need.
He broke the kiss first, pulling away enough to rest his forehead on mine, running his hands in soothing circles over my back. My breathing was uneven and I was desperate to do it all over again. But this had been a terrible, enormous mistake. Because it hadn’t doused the flame of desire I had for him at all. It had poured fucking gasoline all over it.
