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I feel like she’s speaking a foreign language. Whatever can she mean by “keeping him?” No way does my delicate Fiona want romance.
Of course, I don’t fess up about my confusion. I ask questions to see if Fiona’s interest in Lewis is new. Mostly, I worry he’s manipulating her.
“What if he’s toying with her heart to get to her money?” I ask Eagle later as my old worries over Fiona return. “What if he marries her and then kills her to have it all?”
Eagle and I decide to sit down alone with Lewis to feel out his intentions.
“Fiona has many problems. Why are you sniffing around her?” Eagle demands, unleashing his biker vibe on the former military man turned security guy turned Fiona’s boyfriend.
“She’s beautiful and smart,” he says as his pale blue eyes narrow at Eagle’s aggression. “I like when she plays her music, and I don’t mind the dark.”
“But she can’t do the things a woman can,” I blurt out as I imagine him bullying her into sex and marriage.
Shifting his muscled build in the chair, Lewis replies, “Fiona asks for what she wants and has zero trouble saying no.”
Despite his quiet tone, Lewis clearly wants to push back against Eagle’s glaring. I feel their testosterone battling for supremacy. However, Lewis wants our blessing more than to win the pissing contest. We’re like Fiona’s parents. I recall him once referring to me as her “mom” when I visited the estate.
Instead of pushing back against us, Lewis mumbles, “Look, I wasn’t planning to fall for my employer, but Fiona’s damn irresistible when she flirts.”
I feel sick in my stomach about Fiona possibly getting hurt. Later, I realize I’m most upset by how she hid things from me. When I fell for Eagle, I shared everything. She was my sounding board, even if I had to edit myself with the baby subject.
Yet, when Fiona nursed a crush on this man, she didn’t tell me. Am I not trustworthy? Did she think I would spoil her happiness?
“I knew you’d tell me to stop,” Fiona explains the next day. “You’d worry so much about me that I’d worry about myself. But I want Lewis to like me. So, I didn’t tell you to ensure I got my way.”
“You’re sneaky,” I tease, hugging her to me.
She wraps her frail arms around me and replies, “You have no idea.”
I decide my baby girl is growing up and starting her life. I might be wary of Lewis or anyone with the power to hurt Fiona. However, I must step back and let her stretch out in the world.
With Eagle, I fully believe the members of the Steel Berserkers Motorcycle Club are the toughest and roughest. After all, they handled Jimbo, something I took forever to figure out despite the truth being right in front of me all along.
I trust nothing bad will happen to the club. Yet, I struggle with my kids wanting to step away from me. First, with Fiona and her love for Lewis, I learn to see him as more than hired muscle. Lewis likes old, classic movies, but he also introduces her to slapstick comedies. I never thought Fiona would find humor in people falling. Maybe that was true in the past, but she loves silly movies now. Or perhaps she just loves Lewis enough to pretend.
“I found my Eagle,” Fiona announces after I bring the family to visit her at the estate.
My handsome biker always wears a little grin when she praises him. Eagle isn’t a complicated man. He doesn’t need much to be happy. Being included with his favorite people is enough to satisfy him most days.
Of course, Eagle still likes to get rowdy. He spends his days riding the roads of a town he knows like a friend. He’ll throw down to back up his people. He hasn’t gone soft.
Now, though, Eagle knows how to feed the soft part of him. He never understood how to do that except with his mom. That’s why she held such power. With everyone else, he felt like he needed to be hard and shuffled to the side.
These days, Eagle’s okay with being the center of attention. The kids never experience a dismissive or absent father like Eagle had growing up. Clementine and Rhett don’t fear the large, rough man who owns my heart.
Clementine often stares at him like he’s fascinating. I can’t imagine what she’s thinking. My own father didn’t amaze me in that way. I never got excited when he came home from work or missed him when he was gone. Though I loved my father, he felt distant even when sitting beside me.
In contrast, my kids will drop whatever they’re doing when their dad returns home from a ride. They want to know what his day was like and share their own experiences. Rhett and Clementine trust Eagle won’t blow them off or say he’s too tired. Their dad always has space on his lap for them.
I’m blessed with two sweet, creative kids. My days are filled with fun adventures. However, I do find myself stopping at random moments and feeling the sting of my loss. Occasionally, I wish my life had gone differently, allowing Eagle to be the father of all my children. Owen and Inessa deserved everything.
Early on, my psychiatrist suggested visiting my children’s graves. I considered the idea for a while, always finding excuses to avoid my hometown. I felt like the place held a curse that might spread to my new life.
Instead of pushing me to return to a town I no longer know, Eagle offers to create a memorial in our backyard for Owen and Inessa.
“That way, you can visit whenever you want,” he explains. “Also, your daughter’s name will be correct on this gravestone.”
“We should do the same for your mom.”
