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Eagle gives me a half-smile. His dour mood improves immediately.
“I like how you stalked me,” he says and chuckles at his words.
Sharing his smile, I admit, “I knew you were special.”
Eagle studies me. His guard is down again, making him irresistible. Nudity feels like a good choice again. I’m now cool with my vulnerability in front of him. Eagle’s rich scent intoxicates me until I can’t keep my hands to myself.
“If we fuck, I won’t want to talk tonight,” he says, snagging my hands and holding them snugly. “My dick will be in charge, and it can’t think about tomorrow.”
“What do you need from me for these clothes to come off?”
“I want to know you are on the same page as I am. I felt stupid the last few weeks. Like, I was addicted, and you were just slumming it.”
“Slumming it implies you’re beneath me. I can’t believe you see yourself that way.”
“You’re classy.”
Cocking an eyebrow, I ask, “Am I, though?”
“Sure.”
“Or am I just older than the other women who come to your parties? Is that what you’re reacting to?”
Eagle frowns at me like I’m an idiot. “I hang out with women my own age. Those chicks are older than you, but I don’t think they’re classy. They’re cool or bitches or whatever. But they don’t become classy because of their birth year.”
“Well, I don’t feel classy. I feel very simple.”
“Maybe that’s why you’re classy. You don’t try to be anyone else.”
“I’m too old to pretend.”
“And you know real pain,” Eagle says in a voice drenched with emotion. “You get how life is short, and we don’t need to waste our time trying to impress people.”
My fingers slide across his bearded cheek before brushing his lips.
“I live a strange life. Emotionally, I mean. Working with Fiona gives me purpose. Yet, I’m often worried I might be in danger.”
“Is she dangerous?”
“No, but her mother was insane, and her local family is worse in many ways. I can’t get a read on how much danger we’re in there. I feel like Fiona has a target on her back. But maybe I’m mistaking their soap opera bullshit for reality. Though Marky was a bad man, his death still shocked me. I guess I’m unaccustomed to terrible people paying any price for their sins.”
“If anyone there threatens you, tell me and I’ll handle it.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it really is. Todd Rogers is rich, and his sons are violent, but they fear the club.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you could handle them,” I say and run my fingers down his thick, muscled arm. “It’s that Fiona has financial needs. If I thought I could support her without Todd Rogers, I’d leave.”
My thoughts return to how I’d planned to do just that until I saw Eagle and lost my way. Todd Rogers also seemed to wrap his power around Fiona to keep her safe. How long will that last, though? He comes off as a fickle man. Ashley is most definitely plotting. Larry and especially Jimbo resent Fiona’s presence. Every day feels like I’m closer to losing her.
“What is it that you need me to say?” I ask Eagle when he seems restless.
“I want to spend a real night with you. What I feel isn’t about fucking. That’s all we do. That’s all anyone thinks we are. But I need to nail this down.”
His words nearly trigger my confession about the pregnancy. I imagine the words spilling out and the different possible responses from Eagle from joy to disgust. I’m not ready for our time together to end. I’ve lived thirty-five years without this man’s warmth wrapped around me. Giving this up isn’t something I’ll do easily.
So, I control myself and remain silent. Eagle is confused about his feelings. He might take me out on a real date and learn he’s gotten worked up over nothing. Except he won’t be able to admit his truth once he knows about the baby. He’ll feel squeezed by expectations, just like I did years ago.
