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Except I'm just more annoyed with him now. “I can take care of myself, Lev. I have been for a long fucking time. I don’t need you watching my back,” I say as he walks out the door.
Suddenly, he’s storming back in, startling me when he yells, “Damnit, Evie! Don’t you get it?” He throws his arms out. “We aren’t watching your back because we think less of you or because we think you’re weak! We’re watching your back because you’re important to us.” He grabs my chin looking into my eyes, so deep tears fog my vision because I’m afraid he’ll see the truth in them. I don’t want him to know that I only snap at him because I’m scared of falling for him. That I’m playing a game I don’t know how to stop. A tear escapes as I close my eyes. He wipes it away with his thumb before leaning down and kissing my forehead again.
Now my chest is hurting for all new reasons. It hurts because I know no matter what, I’m going to hurt him. And that has my eyes burning with unshed tears because for the first time in my life, I’ve found a small corner where I feel like I could maybe belong. I feel like I really do belongwith them. Like my heart calls out to them in a way I didn’t even know was possible.
When the door closes I let out a shaky breath. Damien slides off the bed beside me, “I’m just going to go grab a water bottle and make sure he’s okay. I’ll be right back.”
I nod, laying back on the bed when I hear a ding. I pick up my phone on my nightstand, only to see it’s not mine. It’s Lev’s. The message displays next to a number I don’t recognize, but I can see the message on his locked screen. I tap it and the message expands.
I grab my phone to take a picture of the message. Then, I quickly tap out of it and turn off the screen. Carefully I place the phone face down on my nightstand right where it was.
Damien comes walking back in with Lev. Lev grabs his phone and leaves while Damien jumps on the bed, snuggling close to me. “Doc said no stress, so let us take care of you. As long as we’re in here, nothing out there matters. We won't talk about Alexi, it’s just us.” He nuzzles into my neck, his breath making goosebumps cover my skin. I turn to face him and pull his lips to mine, letting his warmth invade every one of my senses. I kiss him until a soft knock sounds at the door.
“Come in,” I call out. Laney jumps through the doorway with Lev right behind her.
“Evie,” she yells, falling on top of me, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I tried to tell you. I should have tried harder. I’m so sorry.” She cries into my chest. I still haven’t showered and I think some girl time is just what I need. Lev sets a tray of food on my dresser, and my stomach instantly growls. I didn’t even realize it’s been a week since I’ve eaten anything.
Lev smiles as he brings over a bowl of soup and some crackers. “Before you kill me,” he says, “I figured you should start off with something simple first and work your way up to juicy steaks.”
I smile at him. “You’re probably right,” I tell him. I snatch the bowl of soup and crackers out of his hands and eat like a person starved, which I pretty much am. No wonder I have no strength, I need to eat.
When I look up, the three of them are silently laughing. “What?”
“Nothing,” Laney says. “I think we just expected you to breathe between bites, that’s all.”
I toss my pillow at her as we all laugh. This feels nice, having all of them together, making small talk, relaxing.
After a while, I start to feel better. “Laney,” I say, “do you think you could help me take a shower?”
“Of course, girl. Let’s grab you some clothes first.”
I get myself up, slowly pushing up to stand on weak legs. I’m definitely feeling better, but I don’t trust myself to hold my weight alone just yet. Laney helps me get my things and we step into the bathroom together while Lev and Damien clean up our dinner. They plan to take showers as well so that I’ll get a little girl time with Laney.
I carefully take my shirt off and realize I’ve lost a good bit of weight since being here. Laney helps me get my shorts off. She sees the scars and the fresh wounds, but she doesn’t ask. She doesn’t even flinch when I hiss because of my shorts sliding over the stitches. She’s one of the first people to ever see all of the scars under lights like this, and I mentally prepare myself for the rush of embarrassment I usually feel when any of them are exposed.
But it doesn’t come.
“I got you, girl,” she says softly, doing her best to lower the shorts while also avoiding the stitches.
“Thank you.” I say, oddly comfortable with her seeing me naked.
While we wait for the water to warm up, I look to the floor and say to her, “You must think I’m a mess.” There aren’t many times in my life that I’ve felt self-conscious, but at this moment, it begins to seep into me like oily sludge.
Laney runs a finger down my arm before wrapping her hand around it gently. “What I think is that you got a crappy hand in life.”
I meet her eyes. “You have no idea.”
“I’m always here if you want to share,” she offers.
I sigh, knowing I need to talk about this before I explode. “I don’t think it’s much of a secret anymore that I’ve been taken advantage of in my life.”
Slowly letting out a breath, I try to prevent the tears from forming and to keep my heart rate under control. I keep going, my eyes on the floor, and put it all out there. “What I hope can remain a secret is that the video wasn’t the first time something like that happened to me.”
Getting the words out begins to feel like it’s actually helping me catch my breath, so I keep going. “At eighteen, I was initiated into an organization. The final task was to undergo torture for information in a prison camp. It’s not supposed to last more than a week with very clear boundaries that are not to be crossed. The point is for training, not to break people. However, I was the first woman to ever get through the ranks. This apparently upset a lot of men in the organization.” When I exhale, I let all the bad memories flow out of me.
“I was held there for thirty-eight days. Everyone was sent to prisons in South Africa, but I was taken to Syria and hidden. For thirty-eight days I was tortured. Sometimes it was twenty-four hours a day. Other days, I was locked in a hole in the ground with no way of knowing how much time had passed. I was raped by eight different men during that time. When I was literally on the brink of death with an infection, and starving to the point that I couldn't hold up my own head, someone found me.” As I look back at Laney, steam drifts up from the shower while tears drip from her eyes and down her cheeks.
“Evie, I’m so sorry,” she says while she wraps her arms around me in a hug so gentle I wouldn’t believe she was there if I couldn’t see her.
