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I’m sitting in the passenger seat now, wishing we’d gone straight home after the appointment with Janelle’s lawyer this morning. But Lawrence spotted a billboard for the Pablo Picasso exhibit at the Art Institute and decided we should go there as a tribute of some kind, being that Janelle had a few of his prints hanging in the house. It did nothing to lift the mood. Janelle collected funky prints for our home, bright contemporary renderings of a rooster, a horse and a bull. This exhibition was subtitled Mother and Child. Every piece, spiritual and somber, spoke to me. I could feel the pain Janelle must have endured over the years, her prayers to have a child of her own never answered.
The call from Janelle’s lawyer came out of nowhere. We had to venture to Chicago for the reading of her will? My grief still felt paralyzing, like being trapped shoulder-deep in quicksand, so I didn’t connect the dots until this morning. Once I did, I was ashamed of the way my heart raced. And I was being ridiculous. Me and roughly two million other people walking the streets of the city of Chicago—what were the odds of seeing him?
It figures the one time luck was on my side, it would leave me doubled over as if I’d been kicked in the gut.
“You all right?”
“Yeah…No.”
“That’s how I feel.”
I change the subject, not wanting to reveal what’s really dragging me down. “Do you think she knew?”
“Knew what?”
I look over my shoulder to make sure Ethan is sleeping. “Don’t you think it’s odd that she contacted her lawyer just six weeks ago? And then dies a few weeks later?”
Lawrence keeps his eyes on the road but nods. A moment later I see his left hand go to wipe at an errant tear. “You think she had some kind of premonition?”
“An aura, a premonition…I don’t know. I just keep thinking she might not have been feeling well and didn’t say anything.” I hesitate, not wanting to say what I’ve been thinking. “Was I so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t notice?”
“You know she’d hate it if she heard you talking like that.” He clears his throat and meets my eyes when we slow to a stop at a red light. “And the doctor said it was very likely she had no warning. She never even complained of a headache. Sometimes these things just happen.”
Lawrence is no stranger to tragedy, but this has to be hitting him hard. Janelle once mentioned that his wife died years ago of a sudden, massive heart attack, and now Janelle of an aneurism. No warning whatsoever.
“She did everything for me.”
Lawrence reaches over and grabs my hand. “You gave her something to live for, you and Ethan. You know that, don’t you?”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. “I was thinking I’d withdraw from my classes this semester, regroup a little.” Referring to the strict instructions laid out in Janelle’s last will and testament, I add, “Guess I can’t after that sermon, huh?”
He chuckles quietly. “I don’t see why you can’t lighten your load a little, but taking a semester off? No, I don’t suppose that would sit well with our gal.”
“I don’t know how I’ll manage without her.”
“We can do this.”
“Lawrence, you love it up here. I don’t expect you to upend your life for me.”
“I won’t be. I’ll be up here most of the time, but I’ll be down in Ann Arbor too. Janelle would want this...Want me to help you see it through. And Arlene is on board. She’ll be a great help.”
Arlene Gold, our neighbor. She’s a little on the kooky side, but I do trust her to babysit. She had Janelle’s stamp of approval, and that means something.
“I’m going to drop two classes, both electives. I’ll do the three that contribute towards my major. I can make the other ones up later, maybe online.”
“Sounds like a solid plan. Did you talk it over with Barbara?”
“Not yet. She’ll probably give me,” I turn again to make sure Ethan is asleep, “shit about it. I love that woman, but she is a damn pitbull.”
Barbara Ryan is a pitbull, but a wounded one at the moment. Janelle’s death was devastating to her as well. The two of them had forged a close friendship over the past few years, meeting for lunch at least once or twice a month whenever school was in session and Janelle was down in Ann Arbor with me.
“I don’t know about you, but I feel like we need her more than ever right now.”
I nod, conceding the fact. “Did you meet her kids at the funeral?”
“Yeah…Nice boys, both of them.”
“Marriage is weird, right? I mean, can you imagine any guy walking away from her and those two kids. She’s annoying sometimes, yeah, but she’s amazing.”
