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Hearing the tears in her mother’s voice only triggered more of her own, so she repeated that she’d send her flight information and then ended the call.
She went online and used her savings to book the cheapest ticket to San Francisco she could find. Then she emailed the information to her mother.
And for the first time in years, her heart felt a little lighter. As long as she kept the dark uncertainties about Gabe at bay, she’d be fine.
CHAPTERTWENTY
The following morning, Hope crawled out of bed early. Not run-with-Ivy early, but early enough that she caught Ivy as she was leaving the apartment to go to work. Ivy eyed her speculatively as she came out of her room in full run gear and tried to stifle a yawn.
“You okay?” Ivy asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she replied, trying not to feel insulted that something had to be wrong for her to go on a run.
Ivy just shrugged, gathered the rest of her PT gear, and headed out the door.
Sometimes it was really nice having a friend who’d mastered the art of being strong and silent. Other times, it was damn annoying. It wasn’t until she passed the hallway mirror that she caught sight of her reflection. With hollow eyes and stress lines around her mouth, she was several shades paler than usual, bordering on gray.
She needed sleep and proper nutrition, but between her worries about Gabe and her returning anxiety over facing her family again, she’d lost her ability to sleep and consume anything other than Oreos and wine.
Maybe if she ran herself into exhaustion, she’d get some flush on her cheeks. So, she ran. She had built enough stamina to run for a full twenty minutes before she had to walk. She forced herself to walk for no more than three minutes before running again. She did the run-walk for over an hour, and by the time she got back to the apartment her legs felt like noodles.
Dragging her liquified limbs into the shower, she stood under the hot water until it ran cool. When her phone rang as she was toweling off, her heart nearly jumped out of her chest at the sight of Gabe’s name on the screen.
“Hello?” she asked tentatively, feeling nervous for some inexplicable reason.
“Hope,” his voice came through low and husky. He sounded like the sexiest thing she’d heard all week. Or in twelve days. Or ever. “I just wanted to let you know that I talked to Lori. She’s invited Ruby for a sleepover this weekend, so I am going to take her straight there after school.”
Her heart kicked up, fantasizing about all the things they could do in an apartment without a child in it.
“You don’t need to come tonight,” he added.
And with those words, her heart cracked so painfully in her chest she imagined she could hear it. Of course, there was now no reason to join him tonight. Because they weren’t a couple.
She should be elated that she had her first Friday night off in a long time. She should be texting Ivy to make plans for a girl’s night. She should be planning what sappy movies she was going to watch in her pajamas while eating her weight in carbs.
Instead, she just felt hurt, and the oddest sense of loss.
“Okay,” she managed to say at last.
“So…I’ll see you Monday,” Gabe replied, oblivious to the gaping wound in her chest.
And even though everything in her was screaming at her to put it all on the line now, to invite herself over after his shift, or insist they talk about what was or wasn’t going on between them, she ignored it and said, “Yep, Monday. See you then.”
And she hung up before he could say anything else.
* * *
After Hope hung up, Gabe stared at his phone for a long minute. He shut his eyes against the wave of regret that washed over him. He was such a colossal jerk. He knew he was being an ass, and yet he couldn’t seem to drag himself off his painfully slow path to self-destruction.
For the first few days, he’d convinced himself that given the situation, he was doing the only right thing. Then, somewhere along the way, he’d allowed himself to believe there was no future for him and Hope, so it was only fair to nip things in the bud and not play games. No matter how fantastically erotic the games could have been.
But as the days wore on, he had more and more trouble assuring himself that he’d made the right decision. When Lori had called earlier, inviting Ruby to sleep over, she’d alluded to the fact that he could use this time to connect with Hope.
Her actual words had been,grow a pair and woo the girl. As sisterly insults went, it only pissed him off more because he had to admit once again that his sister was right.
He hadn’t wooed Hope. They had been making progress in their own roundabout way. Their connection and chemistry was undeniable. There was even a moment where he seriously thought they could be more, but instead of going for it, he’d run like a coward and pushed her away.
Trauma was funny that way. Just when you thought it was far behind you, it came up and bit you in the ass. It should have come with a warning:Caution, trauma may be closer than it appears.
