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I suck in a breath and close my eyes. He knows. He must already see me in a different light. Who is going to want a woman that has been through what I have? I’m in a million broken pieces now, and I don’t know how I will put myself back together, especially for a man like Nate, who deserves the whole damn world and everything he wants out of life.
“Yeah, I know, and no, it doesn’t change a thing. I meant what I said when I told you that I’m crazy about you. You’re mine, Audrina. When you’re ready to move on, I’ll be here. But what matters first is making sure that you’re okay. So much has happened to you. Shit that never should have happened. Unfortunately, life threw you a fucked up hand. But I’m here to change the outcome. I’m here to help you heal in your own time, the way that’s best for you. I will make sure that the pain you felt from Clint, you never feel it again. You’re the best person in this entire fucking world, amour. You are the one that deserves everything they want out of life.”
I can’t help it, I let out a soft chuckle.“Once again, I was talking out loud when I only meant to have an internal battle with myself.”
“That’s the thing, though,” he starts, wiping a tear from my cheek,“you don’t have to have these internal battles. I’m here for you when you’re ready for me. I’m not going to force myself on you. If you decide that I’m not the one for you, I’ll walk away. But what I won’t walk away from is making sure that you heal. That your mind, body, and soul all have the time they need to get better. That’s the main focus, amour.”
I cry more as I bring my hand to the back of his head. Looking into his eyes, it’s like my dream all over again, but this time, it’s real. I see my future. I see my happiness. I see everything with Nate.
I pull myself up and attempt to connect my lips to his.
“We can’t,” he tells me as he pulls away,“you’re hurt.”
“I know what I am, Nate. I’m not asking for anything more. I’ll stop if I can’t handle it, but right now, this is what I need. Please.”
My hand traces down his face, attempting to pull him closer to me. I can see the fight in his eyes. I appreciate that he doesn’t want to hurt me, but I know that’s impossible. Nate would never hurt me. He’s only ever cared about me.That’s what you think.
“Please,” I say again, shaking the negative thoughts from my head.
He takes about half of a second more before his lips are on mine. His lips are plush. They are so full but so soft. His goatee isn’t very thick, so I don’t really feel it against my skin. Not that I would mind, though. I would take the burn that it would cause simply for the fact that it’s a burn from him.
When his tongue connects with mine, it’s like my world corrects itself. It doesn’t matter what I went through with Clint. It doesn’t matter that I’m lying here bruised and broken. Everything is the way that it should be now. Nate’s here. Nate’s giving me the kiss that I’ve always craved. One full of passion and compassion, with an undertone of love. I can feel it.Or maybe it’s because you want to feel the love.No. I know this isn’t a made-up feeling. It doesn’t matter what Clint told me. I know what I feel. Right here, right now, he’s telling me without words. All too soon, he breaks the kiss, and my mouth follows.
When I open my eyes, I can see him pleading with me.
“Okay,” I say meekly and look away.
“Hey,” he says as he pulls my face back toward his,“none of that. We have to stop because now isn’t the time to take this further. I promise you that I want to. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you, amour, but now isn’t the time.”
“You can, though, Nate. You can have me. I’m yours.”
I have never seen his eyes look this way before when looking at me.“If I took you now, I would be no better than the man that put you in this position. Kissing you has me feeling guilty because I didn’t want to hurt you. Causing you any type of pain would kill me. I can’t let this continue until you’re back to being a hundred percent here,” he touches my head,“and here.” he places his hand over my heart.
I don’t deserve him. I really don’t.
No. Clint didn’t deserve you.
“You’re right,” I say as I rub my hair out of my face, attempting to ignore the voices in my head that can’t agree on anything.“I feel so different with you, Nate. If I’m being honest, I don’t feel hurt lying here with you. I feel safe and cared for. When you kiss me, it feels like you love me,” His body stiffen slightly, but I can’t allow myself to dwell on it. I know that all I would do is drive myself crazy with worry.“But, I understand and agree with what you’re saying. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For putting what’s best for me above your desires.”
“I always will.”
“I’m starting to believe that.”
We talk for what feels like hours after that. We talk about everything and nothing all while ignoring the elephant in the room. I know he wants to say something or ask me something, but he’s holding back. I want to ask him what he’s going to do, but when I look into his eyes every time Clint is mentioned, there is something there. It’s this slight, nagging feeling that something’s already happened.The worst part is, I know it will most likely make me spiral with guilt, no matter how much I try and tell myself it isn’t my fault.
It was time to bite the bullet and determine my next steps.
“What’s your plan?”
“What do you mean?”
“With Clint?”
He takes in a large breath before letting it out slowly. I watch as his chest rises and falls with the motion. At some point during everything, he helped me sit up and propped me against pillows to ensure I was comfortable.
