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“You don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
He wouldn’t look at me, but I could see it. The fire. I couldn’t do anything else besides say,“I see.” But I knew. Clint’s already dead, and it’s all my fault.
She’s barely gotten out of bed since being brought to the ranch. I don’t think that it’s all because she is in pain. I think there are a lot of internal issues that she isn’t verbalizing. Problems, I believe, led up to what happened with her ex. I don’t think that he randomly snapped. I think that it’s been building up, and she’s been hiding a lot more than what we’re all aware of. After the night when she let me hold her, kiss her, and show her how much I cared, she pushed me away. All I could think about after was that I shouldn’t have done what I did. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I shouldn’t have given her the attention that I did. Add everything, plus what I did, and I’m worried she’s even more confused.
She is wallowing in the guilt she feels, and fighting with herself over it. I can see it in her eyes. One moment it’s like she agrees with what happened, only to turn around and tell herself she brought it all upon herself. I hate that I can’t fix it. I know that I can’t, and it isn’t because I don’t know how to make her see that it wasn’t her fault. What Clint did was a punishable offense. I fully believe that his sentence fits the crime he committed.
But it doesn’t matter what I think, does it? It matters what Audrina thinks—what she feels. I can admit that it’s getting hard for me to accept at times only because I want her to see herself the way that I do. I want her to see how powerful she is and that no one can take away the brightness that’s locked inside.
She’ll get there when she’s ready.
It doesn’t stop me from thinking about when I was able to tell that she shut herself off. Even though she had, she let me hold her through the night. I hoped that she would be okay in the morning, but she wasn’t; she was just there. She’d given me a weak smile before telling me to go care for my kids.
“I don’t want them to see me like this, Nate. Dillon will ask too many questions, and he is too young to be exposed to any more drama. Please go,” she turned her back to me as I stood at the doorway, listening to the little feet run around.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come down for something to eat? Or I can bring it up to you.” I move to sit at the foot of the bed.
“I told you, I don’t want anyone seeing me like this. Please, just go. Go be a dad. Go to work. When you’re done with work, pick up your kids and bring them home. Not here, home. You worked hard on that home, and you need to get into a new routine. I am fine. Leave me here, and don’t worry about me.” Audrina pulls the blanket over her head.
I had sat there for a moment longer before she started using her feet to shove me away from her. I had so much that I wanted to say. I wanted to reassure her more than anything. I wanted to let her know that I would always be right here, waiting for her. That she didn’t have to worry about anything but getting better because I would be here to support her every step of the way. But I didn’t do any of that. It isn’t up to me for her to be ready. I didn’t go through what she did, and I’m not even going to pretend that I know how she feels. So, I did what she asked. I gathered the kids up after breakfast and brought them to our new home. Dillon was a bit upset and nervous about living above Butcher’s shop. He thought he was going to hear Butcher killing the animals, and I fucked up by telling him they showed up here dead. I am pretty sure I made this kid vegan or, at the very least, vegetarian.
“Rambo did some spectacular work on that Cretan if I do say so myself.” Butcher preened, patting me on the shoulder. Snapping me from my thoughts of Audrina.
“Huh? Yeah, he suffered right until the end.” I look at my hands folded on the table.
“Nothing that can lead back to us?” Cowboy asks.
“No. He left the hospital with a nurse, but they parted ways. Storm gathered up his car and the broken parts and made sure it all disappeared. I took care of his job at the hospital. I also went into the bank account and started a monthly withdrawal into different domestic violence charities and women’s shelters. I also checked all traffic cameras to make sure the SUV couldn’t be seen tracking him. Nothing will come back to us.” Knuckles explained, then went back to his computer. He and Copper have been glued to the internet more and more lately.
“Well, he should have given the money to Audrina for pain and suffering.” Cowboy mumbles as he looks out the window that overlooks the small section of the ranch he runs.“How has she been? It’s been a week. Has she said any more?”
I can feel all their eyes on me. It isn’t a secret that I’ve been with her as much as possible. I’ve been attempting to get her to talk to me, but I won’t push her either, so I’ve made no progress. I’m on her timeline. They also knew that I was with her right after we took care of Clint. I had even told them about me staying there until she pushed me away the next morning. I understand her hesitation. It hurts me knowing how much pain she’s in, and I can’t take it away. Dillon’s been asking for her, and I’m running out of reasons why he can’t see her. Thankfully, I don’t have to do that with these guys, so I shrug my shoulders and shake my head.
“I think he fucked her up more than she is letting on,” I start,“I never told her that he was dead. I said he wasn’t a problem for her anymore. Right after that, she shut down completely; she won’t see the kids and won’t leave the room. Don’t get me wrong, I understand, but I want her to know that I’m here for her. She isn’t ready, though. For now, she stays locked away in Ellie’s old room. I think there is more going on, but she is pushing me away. She doesn’t want anyone but El and Bri around. I can’t—” I’m cut off by Knuckles swearing. We all look toward him to see that he has jumped from his chair and is kicking and punching the wall.
“Cheeseless crust boy, what in the Sam hell has gotten into you? You got ants in your pants?” Turd yells out to him, ducking when Knuckles turns to take a swing at him.
“Prez, we need a core meeting!” Knuckles is breathing hard, and his eyes are wild.
What was on his computer that would get him that riled up? I’m looking at Cowboy, waiting on him to make the call. Will this be an executive meeting, or are we going to let everyone, including the mole, in on all of this? The rest of the brothers are looking and waiting on the call. Some are ready to get up and leave, while others look like I will have to escort their stubborn asses from this room.
“I think it’s time to let them all know what is going on,” Cowboy says, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Well, that answers that question. This is the moment that we’re going to let the mole know some amount of what we know. That someone within our ranks is a huge piece of shit that will meet their maker.
Knuckles nods and brings his hand up, and runs it through his hair. His hair now has blood in it from his busted knuckles. Without missing a beat, Zombie gets the first aid kit and starts cleaning Knuckles’hands while Knuckles fills the room in on what is going on.
“Copper and I have been using all the intel we got when he was on the force to track two things—the cocaine plus and the missing kids. We know Connard is the drug pusher, and we will be watching that, but we also connected some ads on the dark web that show how The Company is moving the kids. They market them as pets. We cracked cats for girls and dogs for boys. The age is determined as follows,” he takes a breath,“infants are bottle-fed and in need of a foster parent. A puppy or kitten is a child. A young pet is a prepubescent child. An adult is a pubescent child, and the elderly is an older teen, closer to the sixteen to eighteen range. The coat is hair color or nationality, and eye color is whatever the child’s eye color is. They have it down to a fucking science. We’ve connected a few ads to a few kids who have gone missing, including Mallory. Ouch!” Knuckles shoots Zombie a look.
“That’s fucking sick!” Bigfoot calls out,“How are you finding these ads? How can you even tell they are for kids and not pets? Like what if they are exotic pets, like tigers, bears, and wolves?”
“We thought the same thing before. Well, we hoped for the same thing. But when they advertised that pick-up was outside Wyman, we found a lead that led us to Mallory’s ad. That led us down a rabbit hole of old ads that looked and felt like other missing kids. Long story short, the timing, the descriptions, everything you could fucking think of added up, and it became clear that the ads were for the kids. But something was flagged on our search that is making my skin crawl.” Knuckles looks over at Copper, who stands, walks over to me, and puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Now you are freaking me the fuck out. What the hell is going on? Just say it.” I feel my blood pressure rise, and there was a wheeze to my breath as I looked from Knuckles to Copper. All eyes are on me now.
“They posted two ads. About a young golden lab puppy still with the mom and will be ready to go soon. Then another ad for a calico kitten who is still at the vet but should be released soon.” Knuckles points to the printer, and Turd grabs the printouts of the ads and hands them to me.
I go numb as I look deeper into the ad. The lineThe previous owner signed off on adoptionstands out the most. I crumple the paper in my hands and toss it. Every ounce of anger I’ve bottled up for Steffie escapes me as I let out a carnal yell. I can’t control it. I don’t think I would, even if I could.
