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“Dada!” She says, gripping my hair and holding me to her. I felt my world explode with what can only be described as pure joy.
“Who am I?” I ask, feeling the tears in my eyes.
“Dada,” she says again, matching my soft voice. Her little hands on my cheeks like she is telling me she loves me.
I pick her up and hold her close. She curls into me, her head on my shoulder. I don’t even want to put her back down to get her dressed. I want to live and relish in this moment for the rest of the night. Sniffling from behind me catches my attention. Elvira is watching this moment with tears streaming down her face.
“Mama El, weren’t you the one who told us it’s rude to eavesdrop?” I ask, holding my other arm out to pull her into me.
“That was just to stop you boys from trying to hear me and Judge bump uglies.” She gives me a watery laugh. She takes the happy little girl from my arms and proceeds to get her dressed, ignoring my arm and attempt for a hug.
“That wasn’t what we were trying to hear,” I tell her with a shudder.“Do you think we could get Steffie out of the picture and do something about changing her name? I can see the hurt in everyone’s eyes when Dillon says her name.”
“As much as that woman needs to be taken out, we can’t do that. It isn’t fair to our sweet little queen here.” Elvira hands her back to me with a bottle she pulled out of her back pocket.“I wish Steffie was smart enough to give her a middle name.”
“She was more worried about figuring out how to trap your son. I mean, she does have his last name.” I shake my head. I don’t understand her fixation on Cowboy. He’s a man who can’t be more devoted to his wife and daughters than anyone I know. This can’t be strictly for a patch, can it?
“We will figure out what we can do when you get your name on the piece of paper. Have you looked into places to move to yet? You should have more than enough saved up.” she gives me a wink. El knows everyone’s business when it comes to money. The woman is a wizard with numbers.
“I have, but anywhere outside club grounds scares me. It puts me at risk for Steffie and the shit she will try to pull when I get Baby Girl in my life on a more permanent basis.” I look at my daughter as her eyes start to roll. She’s trying hard to fight sleep. I can’t risk losing her when I just got her in my life.
“Well, I have an idea. Who scares Steffie more than anyone?” Elvira takes a seat on the rocker across from me.
“Aside from you, I would say Bri.”
Elvira laughs, and I can’t help but join in.“Well, yes, she should be scared of me. Honestly, Bri too. But I was thinking Butcher.”
“I love the man, and I’m terrified of him. Come on, El. Everyone, except Abilene, is terrified of him.” She cocks her eyebrow up at me, and I cough.“And you. Abilene and you. But why does that matter?”
“The apartment above his shop is open. It’s a two-bedroom, and when you get the kids, there will be enough room to live there for a bit. You have the protection of the club, and Butcher is always there. You can be independent but still be close enough to us that we will still help with child care during the day.”
I contemplate what El says as I sway with my daughter in my arms. She and her brother mean the world to me. I want nothing but the best for both of them. I lay my little girl in her crib, and when she makes a peaceful sigh, I make my decision.
I’m man enough to admit that I’m terrified, but as El so lovingly pointed out; I won’t be alone. Straightening myself out, I turn and walk toward Elvira.“Let’s do it.”
Grabbing my car keys, I rush into the garage. Nate called and was freaking out a little. I knew it wasn’t as big of a deal as he was making it, but this was a face-to-face conversation that was needed. I knew it was coming. Scott mentioned that Sonya was going to be handling the face-to-face meeting as it has become a conflict of interest for both Ellie and myself in his case. I understand why Ellie and I can’t be the ones to complete this home visit, but I would never compromise the safety of a child just because their father is…. I shake my head. I would never compromise. Never. But it is what it is, and Sonya needs to be the one to do the visit.
I haven’t really seen Sonya much since she mainly works out of the hospital, but I am sure she will be fair about the whole thing. There isn’t a reason for her not to be. She’s a great agent that has helped a lot of families, especially single mothers, out of the hospital.
I was running through everything he’ll need to have in place for the visit. He has most of it settled. He got a secondhand crib from Elvira and Judge, as well as a few toys to get them started. He moved into the small apartment above Butcher’s shop, but I know he’s worried it will be too much like a bachelor pad. Never mind that we’ve all told him that parents all have to start somewhere.
I understand his worry and why he is losing his mind. He’s made his fears known—he doesn’t know how to be a full-time father. When he told me, I couldn’t help but give him a soft smile and grab his hand. I looked into his eyes and reminded him that he had forgotten that he had a support system. Which happens to be a big thing we look for.
“Audrina! What am I going to do? I barely know how to cook! What about Dillon? I have no claim to him. None. If I just up and leave with Baby Girl, is he going to think I don’t love him? He calls me Dad! I am his dad! I need him in my life! But I don’t think I can handle it full-time!”
I know that he can. Nate knows that he can. This freak-out is justified. He went from being a single guy, living the life of an MC Enforcer, to having two kids that depend on him. He loves them both so much, though. He has everything that he needs to make this work. He has a family. He has me. He isn’t alone in this.
“Okay. First, take a deep breath. They are checking your home to see if you can handle her part-time, or full-time should you get full custody. As much as you don’t want to hear it, the goal is to have her mother in her life. Until Steffie shows she shouldn’t be in her life, that’s what the outcome is moving toward.”
“She left them alone for hours!”
“I know. If it were up to me, she wouldn’t get them, but that’s beside the point. I am trying to get you ready for the most likely outcome. Okay? Now, once you have that dealt with, I don’t see why you cannot talk to Steffie about taking Dillon for the same time as Ma—Baby Girl. But for now, you need to worry about the things you can deal with. Let me see the letter. I will help you get the rest of this handled, and we will make a list.” I put my hands on his shoulders, trying to ground him in some way.
“You and your lists.” There is a small smile on his beautiful face.
“You know they make your life easier.” I wink. We then go over what he has accomplished and what is still on the to-do list.
A few hours later, I had a command center set up for him, showed him how to meal plan, and taught him the ways of the slow cooker. I even showed him where to find simple recipes; he is more prepared than he thinks. Plus, if he thinks Elvira and Abilene won’t have that fridge and freezer full of easy-to-cook meals, he really doesn’t know how much support he has.
