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“She asked?” He sounds surprised, confused.
“Yes...” I nod.
“I had no idea she noticed these things. I mean, how does she know that married people sleep in the same room?” I laugh.
“Daddy Pig and Mommy Pig sleep in the same bed, Marcos... And that’s just one of the examples...” Now, he’s undoubtedly shocked.
“Do pigs sleep indoors?” I can’t take it, and laugh.
“Of course they do, Marcos! It’s their house!” I need to control myself so I don’t laugh when Marcos grumbles.
“Pigs inside the house... Yikes!” I kiss the tip of his nose while I’m still laughing.
“We have a deal?” I ask, but his answer comes in the form of a quick movement. Marcos turns us around, and the next thing I know, I’m under him.
“Two years go by so fast... We’d better start enjoying it.” I don’t have time to laugh at his joke before his mouth devours mine.
?
“I really meant what I said, you know…” The lights are out, Marcos’ room is completely silent, and his eyes have been closed for some time.
I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping and that’s why I decided to speak up.He doesn’t answer me, that encourages me.It’s easier to tell frightening truths when no one is listening.
“I’m sorry I took advantage of you,” I say to the silence. “Because I feel it. I feel like I did it...At the beginning, honestly, you deserved it.” I laugh alone. “I meanI need a wife!” I deepen my voice when saying these words. “How arrogant does one have to be to say such a thing and like that? So, for those days, no, I’m not sorry.But I think that’s the whole point with prejudices, isn’t it? We are absolutely sure that we know something.So sure, that when it shows itself differently, it is easier to believe that there is something wrong with it, no matter how good the different, than to believe that we are simply wrong...You were right, Marcos. You’ve never been anything less than decent to me and, surreally, most of the time, you’ve been more...Much more… And then you still had to be hot, ridiculously hot and drive me crazy to the point where I forget my own name...” Any doubt I might have had about Marcos listening to me or not is summarily wiped out when the silence holds firm after these words.Marcos’s ego would never let me get away with that statement. “I wasn’t fair to you, Marcos... But I was so scared, to be honest, I’m still really, really scared... I just don’t pretend all the time, I’m terrified all the time... And if pretending is something I can control, being afraid isn’t...There’s no button I can just turn off...And fear makes us make stupid decisions.I can’t promise that I won’t do things I shouldn’t do anymore, but I can promise to try. I swear I will...”
My mind does an excellent job of reminding me that keeping a secret is not a very efficient way to fulfill the promise I just made.I exhale hard, feeling my head hurt.
I bite my lip, fully aware that this night has complicated my life a lot.But what was I supposed to do?Keep beating myself up to stay away from Marcos because I don’t want to tell him something that has nothing to do with him? No. That wouldn’t make any sense.Minutes pass and nothing.No words are spoken in response either to my inner monologue or to the outside. I breathe relieved.
Am I proud of it? No, definitely not. Actually, my cowardice makes me think that Marcos was right all along, I’m immature, but so few times have I been given that right that, tonight, I take advantage of it.
I control my lips so they don’t turn into a smile.Finally, Antonella.It was about time.
?
“She fell asleep!” Antonella says as she passes through my bedroom door and throws herself on the bed.Sitting in front of her laptop while reviewing some documents, all I do now is look at her and laugh at how comfortable she is able to feel anywhere.
I have no idea how many times Antonella has been in my room while working here at home, but I can count on the fingers of a single hand how many times she’s been here since she moved, yet tonight, she just walked in without knocking and now she’s lying on my bed with her arms stretched out beside her head and her soft legs hanging beyond the edge of the bed. I laugh, I save the documents I analyzed and I close the laptop.
I walk to the bed and slowly bend my body over Antonella’s, she opens her eyes.
“Hey” I whisper in her mouth.
“Hi.” She lifts her head slightly, kissing my lips.
“You know... People usually knock on each other’s door and wait to be answered” I implied, and one of their eyebrows rises.
“Really? Aren’t you the one who didn’t let me go back to my room this morning?Because I swear it was you...Or did I enter the wrong room?Is there any other big, strong, hot, really, really asshole man in this house?” Her face takes on a playful expression, and I drop my weight on her just long enough to spin us around in bed, reversing our positions, leaving my back on the mattress and her body over mine.
I wrap my arms around her waist and she adjusts herself, becoming comfortable.
“You were waiting for Isabella’s door to close to come to my room, admit it!” She smiles, because she really was.After weeks of not being able to touch Antonella, nor do I intend to miss any opportunity to do so for the next month, for the next year.
One night wasn’t even close enough.But after the difficulty that was to make her admit that she wanted it as much as I did and finally surrender to her own will, I like that it was her who came to me, and not the other way around.
Maybe I should have told her I was listening to her last night.But Antonella seemed to be feeding her courage to say the words with silence and darkness.I didn’t want her to miss that moment.
I can’t say I know how she feels.I was never young and alone.I never went through the hardships she went through.I never had to doubt myself or what I thought I saw in people.
