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“He... He had a heart attack.I tried to call you, but you left the phone at home, and I had no idea where you were” I explain to a static, staring-eyes Marcos that I don’t even know if is still listening to me.
Despite my determination, tears start streaming down my cheeks without me being able to stop them.I told myself I had cried all the tears I had to cry, but it’s not that simple.Mostly because the tears that wet my face now have a completely different reason than the ones that made my eyes red hours ago.
Before I cried for myself.Now I cry for Marcos.His father has always been his hero.I don’t know what he’s feeling, but still having the fear of loss lining every inch of my skin, it’s not that hard to imagine.
“My-my father?” Despite stuttering the first word, the tone of voice is firm and he squeezes his eyes and eyebrows in an incredulous grimace as his attention continues completely on my face.
“He is at home.Your mother chose to take the hospital to him, worried about the media.I was just waiting for you to arrive.” It awakens him, and Marcos moves again.
“Alright! Let’s go!” Holds my hand and, without giving me time for anything, practically drags me to the elevator, clearly focused on one thing.It’s only when the doors are already closing that he turns to me. “Isabella?”
“Carmen’s here. She is with her.” He shakes his head, and I can’t stand the look on his face.I get closer and wrap his waist in my arms.To hell with all the shit we’re living through.I’m not going to let him alone.Marcos takes a few seconds, but his arms close around me, and he sinks his nose into my hair.
I shouldn’t like it so much, but I do.And as much as he, in silence, just lets me be supported by our embrace.
?
Giovanna throws herself into Marcos’ arms the moment we walk through the door.He hugs his mother and, just as he did to me earlier today, lets her cry in his arms.Despite his state of awareness and my certainty that he is deeply shaken, Marcos does not shed a single tear.
He accepted my comfort, but since we left home, his posture is arguably that of someone who has everything under control. Liar.
When she manages to calm down, Giovanna notices my presence and hugs me too.I comfort her and tell her it’s going to be okay, that we’re here for whatever she needs.Her pain is a giant red mark on her entire body.I would dare to say that even someone who doesn’t know her would be able to notice, just looking at her right now, that something is very wrong.
“What did Dr. Paulo say?” Marcos asks.
“Nothing yet, my son. Nothing yet. They set up an ICU in the bedroom and have been there since they arrived.”
The next few hours are agonizing.Few words are exchanged as we wait for news.The impression I have is that for Giovanna the whole experience must be much worse than if she were in a hospital.After all, she’s inside her own house and can’t just break into her room and demand news.
To me, at least, theofficialair of the hospital seems to make the boundaries clearer.I do my best to ensure that my husband and his mother always have water, coffee and silence at their disposal.Besides, I don’t let go of Marcos’ hand for a second, and the force with which he holds my palm tells me that this is a good thing. Something very good.
The three of us get up when the bedroom doors open, and the doctor walks through them.After hours of waiting for news, I’m sure I’m not the only one holding my breath as the man walks up to us.
“Marcos, Giovanna,” he calls them, leaving me out, probably because he doesn’t know my name, but my husband soon addresses that.
“Dr. Paulo, this is my wife, Antonella.” He nods, acknowledging my presence.Which makes a lot of sense.After all, what would he say?Would he repeat my name or would he say it’s nice to meet me?With a racing heart, I open and close the hand that does not hold Marcos’.
“He’s well and stable.” Three deep exhalations sound at the same time, I close my eyes and take steps back, moving far enough away so that Giovanna, again, throws herself into her son’s arms.
The scene is beautiful and reminds me immediately of Isabella.My eyes burn, and I take a deep breath, trying to control my own emotions, but I fail and tears flow.
It was not easy to come face to face with Danilo and acknowledge that I stole him years of Isabella’s development.It wasn’t easy to admit to myself how wrong and unfair this was with her.But I made a choice and I’d make it as many times as necessary.
Danilo himself admitted that it was very likely that at that time, five years ago, his father had tried to take my daughter away from me as soon as she was born.And alone, abandoned by my own parents, who could I turn to?It’s wrong, it’s unfair.But life is not fair, and I do not regret my choice for a second.
I regret many other things. Not telling Marcos the truth before. Not saying I loved him before. That I wasn’t the one looking for Danilo now that the situation is completely different.But I do not regret the decision I made when no option had been given to me.
Giovanna’s embrace brings me back to the present, and I squeeze her tight.
“Thank you, darling! Thank you so much!” she thanks me and I deny it.
“There’s no reason for that, Giovanna!” I’m quick to respond, and her gaze immediately travels to Marcos who is still talking to the doctor.
“I do!” She shakes her head and smiles at me.I had no idea I needed to see a smile on her face until it was there.Even if I don’t feel worthy of its motive, not after everything that happened today.
Marcos approaches us, basically switching places with his mother who goes to talk to the doctor.I look at him not knowing exactly how to behave now that my comfort isn’t exactly necessary.I run my tongue over my lips, he extends his arms to me, I fit into them, and my husband squeezes me into a hug.
I raise my head to meet his gaze, but I can’t help stop the unworthy look of my eyes on his lips.
