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She let me borrow some workout shorts and a sports bra and gave me an old pair of running shoes that fit well enough — my sister and I were pretty much the same size even if our faces were pretty different. Her baby pictures are virtually indistinguishable from mine, but we began to diverge as we got older. I ended up looking more like my dad whereas she had my mom's cheeks. I was always jealous of that about her.
She drove me down the freeway, blasting some pop music from the radio. I didn’t recognize the song, but maybe that was part of growing up. It hadn’t been that long since I’d graduated high school, but already it was harder and harder to keep up with what was cool. Is this what getting older felt like?
I squashed the thought in my head like a bug. No, of course this wasn’t what getting older felt like because I wasn’t old. I was as young as I ever was, it’s just that life had been busy lately. As soon as things calmed down, I'd be able to listen to Top 40 hits like I used to and know who all the cool bands were and all that. I’d even go to loud, standing room only concerts.
That thought was the first sign that maybe things were getting better. I was looking forward to a future. A future that was indefinitely far away, but I could at least see a light at the end of the tunnel, tiny as it may have been.
Of course, at the time, the thought flew right past me. It was just a fleeting moment, but in that instant, I’d forgotten that I was completely miserable. For a split second, Grace wasn’t in the front of my mind, keeping me from focusing on anything else. I’d been afraid of that happening, as if not explicitly thinking about her every minute of the day was akin to forgetting about her, but it wasn’t the case. I hadn’t forgotten about her. I just allowed space in my life for things other than just her memory.
“Where is this trail?” I asked.
“Not far,” she said. “Calabasas. Thirty minutes or so.”
“Great,” I said. “Thirty minute drive each way for a mile of running.”
“You have somewhere else to be?”
She had a point.
* * *
Mila parked at the trailhead and got out of the car, then stretched her leg across the front of the car.
“Come on, you’re going to want to do this, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve run.”
“Mila, the last time I ran was freshman year gym.” I let out the smallest laugh.
I could see it in her eyes. She noticed. And that sly grin, too. Her plan was working.
But I wasn’t going to let it. With considerable effort, I forced a menacing frown onto my face.
“Stop it,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry, did I almost trick you into laughing? We can’t have that.” She mimicked my expression, and I was angry at her, but also, I loved her for doing it.
“Knock it off,” I said, slapping her shoulder. It was half-friendly, but I didn’t hold back, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it left a bruise. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Whatever you say.”
She took off down the trail.
“Wait!” I shouted and followed after her.
Mila wasn’t quite sprinting, but she was going faster than I would have done on my own. Which wasn’t saying much because I would have been walking if I’d been on my own. And also, I wouldn’t have been there to begin with.
It was hard to argue with the beauty of the California trails. Once we took our first turn, we were surrounded by mountains and looked like we were on the other side of the world from any city. The plant life was the color of sand, a result of recent fires as well as the perpetual state of drought, but it was a whole lot better than staring at Mila’s TV in a darkened apartment.
“You keeping up?” she asked.
I gave her the finger. “Right behind you,” I said.
She took a sharp left into a narrow trail that I wouldn’t have noticed. The brush was overgrown there, and she’d push branches aside only to have them swing back into my face.
“Knock it off!” I said.
And she laughed. She was doing it on purpose. Probably to get a rise out of me. But I wasn’t going to let her slow me down, so I kept up with her, even as my lungs began to burn, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could continue.
It didn’t matter, because she made another sharp turn and stopped dead.
