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“It must be difficult to have so many people to worry about.” She tossed her wrapper in a trash can stylized to resemble an octopus and placed her hand on his arm. She squeezed lightly, stealing his breath.
He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
He liked that she said the words rather than some quip like sure, or no worries. Those responses always struck him as insincere.
“And what about Zander? What does he need?” Like she had in the kitchen yesterday, she managed to turn his thoughts back on himself.
A simple question without a simple answer. He pondered it as they walked toward Johnson’s Point, a cliff that overlooked the ocean. The high bluff was fenced in to keep people from tumbling off the one-hundred-foot drop. It was his favorite daytime thinking spot. He loved the extra tang of salt in the air and the pounding of waves against the rocks. On windy days, you’d get salt spray in your face. “I have no idea what I need,” he lied.
He sat on a picnic table with his feet on the bench. Heather sat beside him. Not touching, but close enough he could feel her heat. He was tempted to lean closer, but after kissing her in the kitchen he wasn’t going to press his luck so soon.
“It’s beautiful here. You can see for miles.”
Far out in the ocean, enormous container ships inched past. Some headed north, some south. At this distance they looked like toys. A ship’s horn blared. “Look, there,” he pointed. “That’s a Brandt's cormorant. Watch it dive.” As if on cue, the bird dove soundlessly into the water and flew up again seconds later with a fish in its mouth. He almost envied its simple life. No complex relationships. Well except the part where cormorants mated for life. He wasn’t ready to go there. Yet.
“They’re incredible. Look!” She gestured wildly as a second cormorant dove and came up with nothing in its beak. “Oh, he didn’t get anything.” They watched the birds in silence.
“If you could do anything you wanted, what would it be?” Her question startled him. His mind was on birds, not his personal life.
He swirled the dregs of his coffee and stared out at the ocean. “That’s the thing. I’m not sure I know. I love being a veterinarian. I love my family.”
“I hear a but.” She nudged him with her elbow. Awareness of her proximity, and her attraction sparked up his arm. He peeked at her. She wasn’t looking at him, she was peering out to sea, yet somehow, he knew he had her entire attention. Attention without pressure to answer.
“Honestly, I never thought about it. It’s tough feeling like the family patriarch. I don’t know how my dad did it. I don’t know how Mom handles the stress of worrying about so many kids.”
“Are you the oldest child?”
“No. Jacob is oldest, then Derrick, then me. Tyson is the baby by several years.”
“Oh, you said you feel like the family patriarch. I thought maybe that meant you were the oldest. I can see the oldest child feeling responsible. How did you end up carrying that load?” She took a sip of her latte and set the cup on the table beside her.
“Dad died five years ago. Derrick was serving overseas, and Jacob was a business tycoon in the city. Tyson was in his prime as an athlete and had just left the CFL for the NFL. I was working at a clinic in Dallas. I hadn’t bought into the business; I was saving to open my own practice. That meant I was free to come home and watch over mom. She didn’t need to be alone at a time like that. Lucky for me, the clinic here was up for sale.”
“Do you regret coming home?” She had a way of getting right to the heart of the matter and asking questions he hadn’t considered, at least not consciously. “Living in Half Moon Bay wasn’t my plan. I hadn’t really decided where I wanted to live.”
“But you came home anyway. Because your family needed you.”
“Initially, I took a leave of absence and came for the funeral. I intended to stay a couple months. But Mom was a wreck. She’d been with Dad since she was a kid. They’d known each other since grade school. She was devastated. I worried she’d slip into depression. Buying the clinic and moving home seemed the right thing to do.”
“Caring for a parent is a big burden.”
Again, with the accurate aim.
“I thought it would be, but it wasn’t. Mom struggled for a while, which is understandable, but she moved on with her life. There are still glimmers of sadness in her eyes at times, but I think overall she’s become accustomed to the loss. At least as much as one can adapt to the loss of their other half.” At that moment he recognized that Heather’s shadows matched his mother’s. They were mourning something they’d never get back. Was there anything besides time that could erase those shadows? Maybe a new love?
He didn’t want to think about his mother with anyone but his father, but maybe it was time for her, and Zander to move on. Maybe with the sweet woman sitting beside him, easily making him bare his soul.
“Your mom is a very upbeat person. Perhaps she’ll find a new man.”
He nodded. It was startling how Heather’s thoughts mirrored his own. This conversation was taking him places he didn’t want to go but there was something freeing in talking to Heather, in sharing his problems.
“You know your family are all adults, right? Capable of making their own decisions and floundering after their mistakes? Why do you feel responsible? That’s a big burden.”
“It isn’t a burden,” he snapped. “They’re my family. I love them.” She didn’t respond beyond a simple nod. There was no judgment or accusation in the silence. It was comfortable, almost as if she understood what he meant, but it grated on him anyway. “It’s sometimes difficult to remember that they’re responsible for themselves. I worry.”
“That’s what good brothers do. They worry, but they also let their siblings make mistakes and suffer the consequences of those mistakes.” She patted his shoulder, her hand lingering for a few seconds.
