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I cleared my throat loudly and then called out into the room, “Attention, ladies and gentlemen.” I paused as everyone turned to look at me. There were a few surprised glances and some expectant ones. Finn had a huge smile on his face as he headed over to me, Dr. Port following behind.
“I would just like to announce that dinner is being served. We have fish and chips tonight. As many of you know, I went to the Culinary Institute in—”
“Where, Garbage City?” someone said, and people started laughing. I could feel my face growing red, but I ignored the comment.
“I went to culinary school and one of my specialties…” I could feel that I wanted to cry. I bit down on my lower lips to stop myself from tearing up.
“Get on with it, girl,” someone said, and my jaw dropped. This crowd was being rowdy now. I looked at Finn, but he wasn’t making eye contact anymore.
“Anyway, one of my specialties was fish and chips because I have some English heritage, so I have slaved over the stove today making my famous fish chips. Unfortunately, though—”
“Here come more excuses,” an older lady said, and I pressed my lips together.
“Unfortunately, I’m not that familiar with Finn’s state-of-the-art gas range, and I, well, it heated up a lot more than my basic electric range did in my college apartment.”
Groans were sounding from all around the room.
“Anyway, as some of you will see,” I said, trying not to fall to the ground and sink into a hole that hadn’t yet been made, “I have some pretty amazing carp, and I think many of you will be impressed.”
Dr. Port walked over to Chelsea and grabbed a piece of the fish. He bit down into it and then started spitting.
“Oh, this tastes like charcoal,” he said. “Finn, what is this?”
Finn walked over to the platter and looked at the fried fish. I knew exactly what he was seeing: about fifteen pieces of burned fish and three pieces that, while they weren’t burned, were very, very brown and oily. I bit down on my lower lip. I didn’t even know what else to say.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say that in the small town in Bournemouth that my grandparents hailed from, it was a specialty to have fish and chips where the fish was slightly burned because it reminded them of the days of yore.”
“The days of what?” Dr. Port walked toward me. “Look here, Harriet. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but…”
Finn cleared his throat. “Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to apologize. Harriet is not happy with what she has put forth tonight. Are you, Harriet?”
I shook my head. “Not really, no,” I said, not sure where Finn was going with this.
“But we have other news that I would like to share, and I think that is the reason why Harriet has not been able to cook to the best of her abilities.”
I could see Polly and Chelsea looking back at me. I shook my head imperceptibly. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“And what news would that be?” the lady with the purple hair sniffing at the piece of fish in her hands asked. I wanted to tell her to eat it or shut up, but I knew I couldn’t do that.
“Well, Harriet and I have decided to elope,” Finn said, and my jaw dropped and then Chelsea being Chelsea, dropped the platter and the remaining pieces of fish fell to the ground.
“What?” Chelsea squeaked. “Harriet, you never said—”
“I what? I don’t know.” I knew my words were coming out sounding like I was being strangled, but I was in shock.
“Finn?”
“Yes, darling?” he asked, his eyes sparkling as he headed toward me.
“We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do,” he said, nodding. “Ladies, gentlemen, we’ll be back. Chelsea, Polly, please tidy up this mess.” He let out a deep sigh. “And will one of you answer the door in about five minutes? I have a catering company delivering some food.”
“You what?” I said to him. “But—”
“But what? You wanted my guests to feast upon burned fish, soggy chips, and spicy deviled eggs with burned bacon?” He pressed his lips together. “I don’t even want to know what the cheesecake looks or tastes like.”
“Okay, that’s kind of rude.”
