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“I don’t want to sound harsh, but aren’t you going to do that anyway when you leave?”
I didn’t say anything. I knew she was right, but I didn’t want to admit it out loud right now. The fact of the matter was that I already wasn’t sure how I would handle leaving in a few months. But then, it wasn’t the same thing.
“Kind of,” I said. “But not really. I mean, think about it. I’m the nanny right now, and she is a smart kid. She knows that I’m only going to be here long enough for her dad to get done with his book, then I’m leaving. It would be different if I was dating her father and she thought she was going to get a new mom, then I left.”
“Okay, but hear me out,” Krissy said. “What if you didn’t tell her?”
“Didn’t tell her?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “Like, you could just slip into his room, have your fun, then go back to your room when you’re done. You don’t have to do the whole thing. Just have some fun for a while, then when it’s time to go, you just go. No harm, no foul.”
I sighed. “I can’t say I haven’t considered that, either.”
“I knew it,” she laughed.
“You know I’m going to keep you posted no matter how I do things,” I told her. “So, you’re going to know if something develops. But don’t count on it.”
“Totally not counting on it,” she said. But I could hear the sarcasm in her voice. For all I. knew, she already assumed that I had slept with him. Fuck, with the dreams I’d had, I might as well have. I’ve been daydreaming about him enough, too. There was a part of me that wondered if I should just do it to get it out of my system.
But Libby was a very real thing in my life, and she did factor into the equation, even if I wasn’t looking to actually date Neils. And there was my dad. It wasn’t the sort of thing I would go out and tell him, but if I did do something like sleeping with his best friend and he found out about it, I wasn’t sure how I would ever be able to explain that. Or if I could. Or if it would ruin what he had with Neils.
“Anyway,” I said, “How are things with you?”
“Same old same old,” she said. “I’m trying to get some time off from work so I can come down there and see you.”
“I wish you would!” I exclaimed. “You would love it.”
“The pics you send are torture. I just need a break.”
“Come on down then,” I said.
“What about you?” she asked. “Outside of being around Mr. Sexy all day every day, what are you doing? Do you have weekend plans?”
“I think we’re going shopping,” I said. “He wants to buy Libby and me new clothes for the weather down here.”
“Both of you?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve got to fuck him for that.”
“Krissy!”
“What! I’m just saying,” she laughed.
“I don’t know, I just feel weird taking his credit card and going wild. I know he said to, but without a limit on it or saying what we can get? That feels like too much,” I said.
“You overthink things. Just have a good time. Go out, have fun, spend the money and get something cute. And sexy,” she said. “Don’t overthink. Just live a little.”
I sighed. “Okay, fine. But don’t blame me if I still keep things on the modest side.”
“Like modest in what you wear or what you spend?”
“Yes.”
“No!” she argued. “Get something sexy.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promised.
