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‘What was that part?’ she cried, above the music. She felt slightly taken aback by the sudden move, but she could feel that Paul knew what he was doing with the dance. Clearly, he’d taken more than a few classes. She felt sad that they hadn’t done more things like dance classes when they were together. It would have been fun.
It was nice, now, having fun with Paul.
‘That was a lift. I got a bit ahead of myself,’ Paul shouted back.
‘It was fun, but maybe I need to practise the basics a bit more?’ Liz raised her voice just as the song came to a sudden end, and the people dancing near to them laughed good-naturedly as they overheard.
‘Ah, well. If you can’t swing a beautiful woman now and again, what’s the point of life?’ Paul shot her that same, disarmingly slow smile. Liz felt slightly awkward – wanting that smile, but knowing what she and Paul wanted was basically at odds. A slow song came on, and she stepped away from him, not wanting to smooch with Paul on the dance floor.
‘Thanks for the dance,’ she said, intending to go back to find a drink and chat to the rest of the people and their families who had come along. She wanted to keep this light, with Paul.
‘Where’re you off to?’
‘Oh, well, it’s a slow song, so…’ Liz trailed off, feeling a little uncomfortable. ‘I don’t think we’re quite there yet!’ she said quietly.
‘What? We were having a nice time.’ Suddenly, Paul’s expression changed.
‘I just don’t want to do a slow dance. That’s all.’ Liz took a step backwards. ‘I told you I needed to take this slowly.’
‘Christ, Liz.’ He looked annoyed. ‘I thought we were having a good time.’
‘We were. Like I said to you before, if anything’s going to happen between us again, I just need to take it slowly. I’m not going to move back to Glasgow with you. This is my life now. So, we can maybe see each other casually and see where it goes, but…’ She trailed off. ‘I can’t say I love you. Not now,’ she added in a low voice. ‘It’s too much. Too soon.’
‘A dance is too much? Come on, Liz. We’ve done so much more than this together.’ He gave her his warm smile and held out his hand. ‘It’s like a hug, but with a slight shuffle. That’s all.’
‘That’s sweet, but I don’t want to.’ She smiled patiently. ‘I’ve got a lot of people to talk to: this is a work event, after all. Why don’t you mingle a bit and get to know people? You were quite keen on the idea of hanging out in the local, after all. Now’s your chance.’
‘Same old Liz.’ The affable expression disappeared from his face. ‘Work, work, work.’
‘I told you that this was a work event, Paul.’ Liz started to get annoyed. ‘And I’ve told you I need to take this slow. I don’t want to slow dance with you right now, in front of…’ She happened to glance up and catch Ben Douglas’ eye. She knew that he was wondering who Paul was – probably, everyone was. She hadn’t introduced him to anyone yet, because she didn’t know what to say.This is my ex-partner, who I thought I was going to have everything with and then it all disappeared, one rainy afternoon when he told me he didn’t want me anymore.
Not exactly what you told people at a fundraiser-slash-launch event.
‘In front of who?’ Paul followed Liz’s gaze. ‘That guy? Why? Who is he?’
‘No one. My boss,’ Liz corrected herself.
‘I see.’ Paul’s eyes narrowed and he stared at Ben.
‘What do you see?’ Liz asked as quietly as she could and still be heard over the slow song that couples around them were swaying to, slowly.
‘Nothing.’ Paul nodded. ‘That’s fine. I’ll go and make nice with the locals. Leave you to lover boy.’
‘Lover boy?’ Liz followed him off the dance floor and caught his arm, smiling at Bess who caught her eye across the room with an inquisitive look. ‘He is not my lover. He’s my boss. I just told you that,’ she said in a low voice. ‘There’s nothing going on between us. And even if there was, it wouldn’t be any of your business. You left me, remember,’ she added.
‘Oh, it’s like that, is it?’ Paul replied sulkily. ‘Are you ever going to let me forget? Is that going to come up every time we have a falling out?’
‘Oh my…’ Liz swore under her breath. ‘I can’t believe you’d say that.’
‘I’m saying it because that’s how I feel. You’re not going to forgive me. That you’re going to trot that out, every time we have an argument…’ Paul rammed his hands in his pockets. Liz led him to the side of the room so that they weren’t in the middle of everything.
‘I’m not going totrot it out, as you so charmingly put it, but, sure, if you want to talk about it now, I am going to take a while to forgive you. Because you broke my heart!’ Liz kept her voice level, but she felt the anger wash over her. ‘Howdareyou complain that I’ve mentioned it! Damn right I’m going to mention it! I’ll mention it every time I please, thank you. I didn’t walk out onyouwhenyoucould have been pregnant!’
‘Liz. I love you.’ Paul reached out for her, but she pulled away.
‘No. This isn’t right.’ She felt the tears that wanted to come, and she heard the crack in her voice. ‘I loved you, Paul. But I can’t do this.’
Finally, she had the closure Ben had wished for her, in the field, watching the starlings. She knew it was over with Paul.
