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“He couldn’t even eat his burger without holding your hand,” Aunt Hilary says.
I might’ve forced the issue last night, asking him to pretend in front of my aunts, but the way he kissed me back this morning…that wasn’t fake.
Is it crazy to hope that we can really be a part of each other’s lives again after all this time?
Yes.
It is.
But I’m already too far gone.
I can’tnothope for it at this point.
I’ve spent so many years shoving my feelings down into a bottomless pit of nothingness, and I barely survived.
I haven’t fully lived.
That stops now.
“I need to get a shower and check on the horses, but I was going to ask—is there anything in the house, or the stables for that matter, that you’d like to have? If so, take it. It’s yours.” I clear my throat and hurry through the rest of the sentence. “I’d like to start working on clearing out the house and wanted to make sure you had anything you might want first.”
Aunt Hilary smiles. “Oh, honey, it’syours. But we’re happy to help you go through things.”
“I don’t want it…maybe a couple of small things of my mom’s, but…” I shake my head.
Aunt Hilary’s smile falters and she tilts her head. “Okay. Yeah, we can donate it. Are you wanting to sell anything?”
“No. And you don’t have to help. I don’t need to do this while you’re visiting…”
“We wanted to talk to you about that,” she says, looking at Abby. They both turn to me, smiling. “We’ve been talking about looking for a place in Landmark.”
My mouth drops.“Really?”
“Yeah, we’d love to be closer to you, and everyone’s been so kind to us…turns out we’ve gotten attached to Landmark,” Abby says.
“I’d love that.” I smile at them both, feeling lighter by the minute. “I’dreallylove that.”
“You would?” Aunt Hilary sniffs, her eyes filling with tears. “I wish I’d done it long before now…that I could’ve been part of your life more when you were little…it was just complicated.”
I look at her, waiting for her to say more, but the silence just hangs there for a minute.
She sighs. “Honestly, your dad didn’t like me much, and I stayed away more than I should have. I’m ashamed of that now. I missed out on so much of my sister’s life, so much of your life. I was so surprised when the lawyer contactedmewhen your dad died—we’ve never really talked about that, but—well, I was shocked they even had me on the list of extended family members since I’m only related to your father by marriage…and your mom has been gone for so long.”
“I think my dad’s lawyer knew you were the only family member I’d take a call from,” I say.
Her head tilts in surprise. “Really?”
I rub my arms, feeling a chill from the air conditioning or maybe from talking about this, I’m not sure which. I sit down at the kitchen table and Abby and Aunt Hilary sit across from me. The air is expectant and weighty, and I know I may regret it later, but I don’t think I can keep all the secrets anymore.
“I’m sorry for the way my dad treated you,” I say softly, remembering now the way he talked about my mom’s sister. “He was all about image and I’m sure you didn’t fit what wasacceptableto him.” I lean in. “But very few did. My mom and I never did…and my mom just tried to keep the peace. I’m sure she regretted the way things went with the two of you. She always talked about how close you were when you were younger.”
A tear falls down her cheek and she brushes it away. “She was my favorite person. I was devastated when she left home and married your dad not too long after that.” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “Ignore me. I’m being sentimental and foolish. She obviously had a full, happy life here and anything I held onto was just me selfishly wishing I had my sister back.”
I exhale, not sure of what to say. When is it helpful to lift the lid on the past? I’m not sure there’s a good enough reason to expose the truth or if it’s best to leave it all buried. That’s what I’ve tried to do all this time and it hasn’t served me well. I need to take that to heart and tell Theo everything…but I just need a little more time with him first.
“You can have this house,” I finally say. “I…don’t want it. I love the land, and the stables have been more peaceful to me than I thought they would be, but the house…it holds more nightmares for me than anything else.”
They both stare at me in surprise, Aunt Hilary’s expression morphing from shock to concern.
