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She was absently setting up Zac’s bass effects pedalboard while thinking about the night before and everything that had happened over the last few weeks, when Bryan stepped in front of her.
Cassie blinked up at him, surprised. She hadn’t spoken to him in weeks. He’d kept his distance since the day she’d told him they were over, although every now and then she caught his eyes on her. Stella still directed nasty looks at her when they passed each other, which Cassie ignored. Whatever the woman’s problem with her was, Cassie didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she was affected. And considering Stella’s apparent lack of remorse about what she’d done, Cassie figured she probably had some deep-seated issues of her own she’d eventually have to face up to.
But now, looking up at Bryan, Cassie felt nothing but a dull pulse of sadness at the sight of him. Sadness that they’d obviously let things go on between them far longer than they should have. It took him hurting her in a big way for her to recognize there was something wrong in their relationship.
Bryan’s brows were lowered, his lips pressed together in a thin line. “I heard something.”
Cassie straightened, a zing of nerves racing down her spine. “What did you hear?”
“I heard that this thing between you and Zac isn’t real.”
Cassie’s stomach dropped. How could that possibly have gotten out? She couldn’t imagine any of Zac’s bandmates or the other women talking. Drew? But he seemed trustworthy; she couldn’t imagine it was him. Not to mention it had been his idea to start with. It was probably just an idle rumor started by one of the road crew with too much time on their hands. With the amount of gossip that usually went on during a months-long tour, it wasn’t impossible to believe someone might have thrown the idea out there. Or who knew, maybe it had even come from Stella. Disparaging someone else’s relationship seemed like something she might do.
It didn’t matter, anyway. She kept her voice relaxed as she answered. “What Zac and I feel for each other is real.” That was nothing but the truth. Whatever emotions Zac had about her were real, even if they weren’t the same as she felt for him.
Bryan stared hard at her, as if trying to find the lie in her words. Then his shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand through his curls. His laugh was sad. “I got my hopes up for nothing, then. I got it in my head you were doing it to punish me for Stella.”
Proof he didn’t know her as well as she’d thought. “I would never do that, Bryan. What you did hurt me badly, but I would never turn around and do something to you in revenge. Particularly not if it involved someone else.”
“It was just so damn quick.” There was a bite to his voice she didn’t appreciate.
“As quick as you sleeping with Stella while we were still engaged?”
He looked away. “It was a mistake. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” His words were almost monotone. As if he was as tired of saying it as she was of hearing it.
“Thereisnothing else you can say. And sometimes sorry doesn’t fix things, Bryan. You did something that you knew would devastate me, something that would damage our relationship beyond repair. You did it while I was on tour with you, at a time and place where you could easily be found out. I think you did it because deep down, you must have known we weren’t meant to be together. I don’t believe you really want me, Bryan. I don’t believe you could do that to me if you loved me the way you keep saying.”
“I do, Cassie. And if there’s a chance—”
“There isn’t.”
His face flushed, mouth twisting up. She braced herself for him to say something hurtful, but he didn’t. His lips softened, and he let out a breath. “The tour’s over in a couple of weeks. What are you thinking about doing when we get home?”
She’d been trying not to think about it. But she was running out of time to make plans. She needed to book a plane ticket home, find somewhere to stay temporarily until she could get a rental of her own, and start looking for a job. Maybe she would even begin looking at different options in the music industry. She’d become a guitar tech to be part of Bryan’s world. Now she had the chance to figure out what madeherheart sing.
A small seed of something like excitement blossomed inside her. For the first time in a long time, her life was her own, to do with what she wanted. If only that didn’t mean she would never see Zac again. An ache grew in her chest. She let out a silent sigh. “I’ll move my stuff out once I’ve found a place to live.”
His expression was pained. “Cassie, I—”
She cut him off. “Bryan, please let this go. I can’t keep talking about this with you. You need to live with the consequences of your decisions.” Her heart lurched in her chest as a memory of Zac’s body moving over hers flared to life. “And so do I,” she said so softly, she doubted he heard her.
Bryan rubbed the back of his neck, studied the resolution in her face, then gave a sharp nod and moved away.
Cassie looked down at the pedalboard in her hands, and she swallowed hard. Then she took a deep breath and got back to work.
* * *
Cassie stood and stretched, arching her back to loosen the tightness from sitting curled up on the couch. With only a week to go on the tour, she was already struggling to imagine not having this time with Zac anymore. Things were still good between them, although there were times when she felt him pull away from her. She’d particularly noticed it the few times she’d tried to talk to him about his father’s death. His face would shutter, and he would brush her off, assuring her he was fine, insisting there was no reason to mourn the loss of a man who’d never wanted him in the first place.
Maybe he actually believed that, but she wasn’t sure she did. She knew from her own experience that emotions when it came to family were never simple. Even though her relationship with her mother was practically non-existent at this point, Cassie was sure if she found out her mom had died, she’d have some incredibly conflicted feelings about it. And Zac’s reaction after he’d first heard the news of his dad’s death told her he definitely had some unresolved emotions where his relationship with his father was concerned. And even if he didn’t want to grieve the man his dad had been, he could still grieve the loss of the loving father—the lovingfamily—he deserved, but other than Tori, had never had.
Her gaze was drawn to him on the other side of the room. He was in the middle of his call, but his eyes were on her, the intensity in them making her shift in her seat. As much as she might like to take advantage of the way he was looking at her, she was exhausted. She didn’t think she could stay up much longer, and he’d be working on the album for a while yet.
Cassie picked up her notebook and walked toward him, prepared to let him know she was calling it a night. She consoled herself with the knowledge that at least he’d be joining her in her bunk when he finally finished up.
“Going to bed,” she mouthed as she approached him.
“Wait.” He reached out and grasped her wrist, then turned back to his phone. “I think I’m going to call it a night, guys.”
