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Charlotte came padding down the hall looking adorably rumpled, cooing to Savannah.
“She’d hungry,” Charlotte said, bouncing the baby in her arms. “Dinner time.”
“She’s not the only hungry one,” I said. “After you feed her do you want to grab dinner in town? I was thinking we could hit The Coffee Mill.”
“Sure,” Charlotte said, smiling at me over her shoulder as she stood at the microwave. “I haven’t been there in a while.” She yawned. “Sorry I fell asleep on you. Guess I’m more tired than I thought.”
“No problem. I took care of some stuff, so it’s all good. I talked to my friend, and he’s going to run the background check for us.”
“Awesome.” The microwave beeped, and she pulled the bottle out, checking the temp on her wrist before taking a seat at the table to feed the baby. “How long will it take?”
“Not sure. Probably a couple of days, I think.”
Once Savannah finished her bottle, we put her in her stroller and started walking toward the diner. It wasn’t far, and the weather was still nice, not too chilly. As we neared downtown, though, I started regretting my decision.
Inside a car, it was easier to not think about my past, my family—to keep the nostalgia at bay and compartmentalize things. But walking, bumping into folks I hadn’t seen in ages, brought back memories of the last time I’d been here with my family crowding in all around me.
There was the arcade, where Isaac and I had fought about that stupid pinball machine and who’d play first. It seemed so ridiculous now, but I remembered being super pissed at my younger brother, even though now I could see that he’d just wanted to impress me and show off his skills. He’d wanted me to think he was cool.
God, I missed him.
“Hey,” Charlotte said, nudging me with her shoulder, her expression concerned. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I said, even though I wasn’t. I was good at covering shit up after all this time.
“Liar.”
At least IthoughtI was good at covering shit up.
“Seriously,” Charlotte said, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. “I can tell when something’s bothering you. You get all quiet and twitchy.”
“I do not twitch.” My flat stare did little to dim her bright smile. Okay. Maybe I twitched a little when I was tense. Whatever. She kept watching me, and finally I caved. I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I just…” Deep breath. “It’s the ten-year anniversary of my family’s deaths. My original plan was to come home to go to the cemetery and see their graves. I’ve never been since the funeral.” My shrug felt sheepish. “I’m still trying to build up my courage and all, I guess. It’s hard.”
I hated how weak that sounded, but then Charlotte’s hand was on my arm and she was giving me one of those soft looks, and I sort of melted inside. “Gabe, I’m so sorry. Would it help if I went with you?”
A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard around it. God. What the hell was wrong with me? I was never like this. I always kept my emotions stuffed down deep. But somehow Charlotte cracked me wide open, with her big, beautiful eyes and sincere heart. I coughed to cover the inappropriate need swelling inside me to pull her into my arms and never let her go. “Uh, no. Thanks, but I need to do this on my own.”
Charlotte’s hand dropped away, and I missed her touch immediately.
The diner was relatively empty, which was good because I didn’t feel like playing catch-up with anyone else. The waitress seated us in a corner booth, and Charlotte busied herself with the menu and the baby. She wouldn’t even look at me.
Damn it, she was right. I was twitching. I couldn’t get comfortable on the padded bench, and the words on the menu seemed too small for me to read even though my vision was perfect. It felt like Charlotte was plotting something, readying herself for a battle to come by ignoring me.
“How about if we go tomorrow?”
And there it was. Her opening shot.
I started to object, but she held up a hand, cutting me off. “Hear me out. The baby and I can sit in the car while you go to their graves. That way you’re alone, but not alone.”
I wanted to say no. I wanted to stand firm behind my decision to do this by myself. But damn.
She was right. And having them in the car wouldn’t stop me from doing what I needed to do out there. If the tears came, she wouldn’t see them. Plus, I could keep an eye on them, just in case Harris tried to pull some more shit.
It wasn’t a big deal, but it kind of felt like it was.
Finally, I gave a curt nod. “Fine. Tomorrow, then.”
TWELVE
