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It hasn’t been an easy journey, that’s for sure. There were days when I thought I would never be able to function normally again. But eventually, I realised that I needed to pick myself up and start pursuing something new, something that I was truly passionate about. And that’s when I decided to write my book.
I dove head first into it, without any expectations, and to my surprise, I enjoyed the whole experience! I decided to self-publish, mostly because I anticipated it to be complete rubbish, but thanks to the unexpected support of my social media followers, “Sophie Stewart Is Single” skyrocketed up the book charts as soon as it was released.
And the interest in my book didn’t stop there. Literary agents took notice, and I’ve signed a deal to release the second book in Sophie’s journey next summer.
It’s not a career just yet, but it’s a beginning.
And now, six months later, I can finally say that I’m starting to feel like myself again. It’s not a perfect feeling, by any means, especially with the rock-star in the news once again. But I’m living my life and writing another book, and moving on with my life… without him.
And as my best friend Ginny said to me on my first night in Istanbul, “No regrets”.
ChapterThirty-Three
Shattered Pieces
BREAKING NEWS:
Kaan is one in a billion!
We all know that Kaan’s album “Shattered Pieces” has been “shattering” every music record imaginable since its release, and now, with 20 weeks in the top spot, Kaan joins the cool kids club along with the likes of The Beatles, Elvis Presley and even his old pals, Seven of Crows. And the British crooner is still breaking records with ease, as his Shattered Pieces video hit 1 billion views on YouTube on Monday! While some topics were off limits, initially anyway, I recently had the pleasure of sitting down again with Kaan, to talk about his life.
“How do you sum up the past year of your life?”
“Tumultuous? A shit-show?”
While Kaan talked about his album, he was also ready to explain, for the first time, what really happened between him and Blair. The conversation was not an easy one, but it was one that proved, to me at least, that he weathered the storm with dignity and is ready to move on.
“I shouldered a lot of the blame for what happened to Blair. I shouldn’t have abandoned her when I did… and I shouldn’t have made my relationship with Meg a public spectacle, rubbing it in her face. Blair wasn’t ready for that, and it blindsided her. She deserved better.”
With that door now wide open I asked him about his ex-girlfriend, social media darling, and now best-selling author, Meg Martin. While there was much speculation that “Shattered Pieces” was written about Miz Roberts, Kaan revealed that the smash hit was, in fact, written about his relationship with the author.
“You know, when I wrote Shattered Pieces, it was a culmination of everything I was feeling at the time. It’s about the fragility of love, the moments when you’re holding on to something that’s slipping away. But yeah, this is my heart song for Meg. It was never supposed to be recorded; it was something that I just needed to write, words I had to say. It was for her alone.”
When I reminded him that it’s the biggest selling song of the year, he just laughed. “Everyone has responded so positively to the song, and the album. Let’s just say I’m glad I listened to my sister.”
Miz Martin has yet to speak publicly about the song, so I asked Kaan whether he has spoken to her privately. Kaan’s, manager stepped in to remind me that some subjects were off-limits, but Kaan waved her away. “You’re here for honesty, Pippa, the least I can do is give it to you.”
Kaan told me how Miz Martin and he originally met and how his ardent pursuit to win her heart was honestly the stuff of a fairy-tale rock and roll rom-com.
“I wanted her to fall in love with me… the man… but how? To her, I was, and to quote her, ‘some two-bit, bass player with a massive chip on his shoulder.’ She had no interest in any of my bullshit.”
“But you won her over eventually?”
“It was short-lived, though. Maybe she’ll forgive me one day, but I needed to forgive myself… to work on myself… first.”
Kaan admitted that he went ‘off the rails’ after Miz Roberts death. He was with Miz Martin attending a wedding in Istanbul when he received a distressing call from Blair. He jumped on the next flight back to London.
“Blair needed someone to be in her corner and in that painful moment, she felt that she had been abandoned. I rang the police immediately… but it was too late.”
We talked about his time at the New Life Farm facility and how he ended up there. The pain in his eyes was very real and I realised, perhaps for the first time, that despite his fame, he’s also just a guy trying to survive each day.
“I’m man enough to admit that alcohol has ruined my life. Everything that has gone wrong can be led back to that addiction. Addiction is in my DNA. My father was a drug addict and died from an overdose when I was a teenager. When Seven of Crows got famous, everything was being thrown our way. Drugs. Alcohol. Chicks. I didn’t do drugs but I more than made up for it with alcohol. Finally, the boys couldn’t put up with my shit anymore. They kicked my ass to the kerb, and rightly so, I was fucking useless at the time. Gabe came to see me when I was in rehab…” (he was, of course, referring to lead singer Gabe Rushley, who famously came to blows with Kaan on The Tonight Show last year.”)…we’re talking. It’s progress, you know?”
“When I met Meg, I knew I had to make some very real changes to be the man that she deserved, but instead of asking for help, I pushed her away. I treated her like shit, and I won’t blame her if she never speaks to me again. After Blair’s death I went on a three-day bender to numb my pain. Luckily my family was there to help me and I checked into the treatment centre same day.”
“Coming to terms with the wreckage of my past has been the hardest part of staying sober. It’s taken an army of people working with me but, yeah, I’ve made good headway. I was… I am… an alcoholic. I always will be. All I can do is stay sober a day at a time and try to live life in the best way I know how.”
While Kaan has been working on his sobriety, Miz Martin’s recently published debut novel, ‘Sophie Stewart Is Single’, has been on the top of the New York Bestsellers List for six weeks and doesn’t look like it’s going to lose its momentum anytime soon.
