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Struggling not to cry, I pour myself another glass of champagne, downing it in one gulp before standing. “Not that it matters, but I’m going there.”
Roxe side-eyes me. “Galata Tower? At sunset?”
“Don’t say another word.”
“Do you want us to come?” Ginny’s current girth makes it difficult for her to get around and she moans as she tries to stand. “Please say no, because I don’t think I could make it with my swollen ankles.”
“There’s always the funicular, you know?” Despite everything, I can laugh at one of my Istanbul memories now. “No Mama, you stay put and look after my god-daughter. This is something I have to do by myself. I won’t be long, I promise.”
It’s time to let go of the last piece of baggage that I’ve been holding onto for too long.
Waving goodbye to my friends, I make my way to Galata Tower.
The square is busy, so I expect to find a queue as I walk towards the entrance of the tower. I’m surprised when the guard ushers me straight through and onto the elevator. I smile and thank him as the doors close leaving me to collect my thoughts as I slowly ascend.
All the denial in the world to my friends can’t erase Kaan from my mind.
It's crazy, but I still love him, and I have a feeling that it might just stick with me forever. It's like his memory has taken up permanent residence in my thoughts. And honestly, I don't see that changing anytime soon. It's like he left an indelible mark on my heart, and I can't just scrub it away.
But life goes on, doesn't it? I'll keep moving forward, taking each day as it comes. Yet, deep down, I can't help but wonder what our life together could have been if circumstances were different. Maybe if Blair hadn’t died, or if Kaan and I had never come to Istanbul? It's these bittersweet thoughts that linger in my mind, teasing me with possibilities that will never come to fruition. My heart knows, without a doubt, that Kaan is irreplaceable.
Time may pass, but there are countless things about Kaan that I still adore. That adorable dimple of his that never failed to surface whenever he found something amusing, especially when it involved teasing me, which was quite often. And he stubborn refusal to call me by my real name. Or our passionate arguments, going back and forth until we were practically out of breath, especially when it came to work-related matters. It's those fiery debates that I strangely miss.
But what I cherish the most, though, are the emotions he stirred within me when we were together. The way his gaze would fixate on me, as if I were the centre of his universe. In those moments, I felt seen, cherished, and truly alive. It's those memories, even with the lingering ache they bring, that I hold onto tightly. They are the anchor that gets me through each day. Reminding me of the profound impact he had on my life.
The lift comes to a halt and, as I start my climb up those final two flights of stairs, I can’t help but notice the eerie silence that engulfs me. It’s a stark contrast to the bustling city square just outside the tower. The last time I was here it was packed with tourists. But now, it’s completely deserted, almost as if the world has stopped spinning to allow me this time to grieve one final time.
I take a deep breath and step out onto the balcony that wraps around the tower. The cool breeze hits me and a sense of calm washes over me. This is exactly where I need to be.
Leaning against the railing, I watch as the sun begins its descent on the horizon. The way it struggles to hold onto its last rays of light is almost poetic in its beauty. The many minarets dotted around the city rising above the buildings are almost mystical to look at as the golds burn away and melds into a series of spectacular colours of orange, then crimson, and finally black.
Tears stream down my cheeks, and my body shakes with every sob that escapes from my chest. Kaan is gone. My emotions consume me until there are no more tears left to fall and eventually, I force myself to smile into the darkness.
With or without Kaan I’m ready to live my life, baggage free, again. For me.
A guitar softly begins playing behind me, and I hear the familiar melody of “Shattered Pieces”.
Are you fecking kidding me?
But then, I hear the one word that fills my heart with something I haven’t felt in a long time. Hope.
“Nutmeg.”
ChapterThirty-Five
Grand Gesture Rock Star Style
THIS JUST IN:
Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats and clutch your pearls, because the latest gossip from Istanbul is juicier than a ripe peach! Our sources have confirmed that the one and only Kaan has been spotted today in the city. If rumours are to be believed, Kaan may be hoping to reunite with his former flame, Meg Martin.
I can’t help but salivate at the mere thought of the drama that could unfold if Miz Martin and Kaan cross paths again. Will there be tears, declarations of love or maybe even a public spat? The possibilities are endless, and I can hardly contain my excitement at the prospect of my next update.
So stay tuned, dear readers, because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that when Kaan and Miz Martin are in the same city, things are bound to get interesting.
I’m Pippa Ellis, and this is Fame and No-sense.
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