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He took me in and treated me like I was family. At the same time, I taught him everything he needed to know about mixing with legitimate businessmen and politicians, the who’s who of Nevada society.
In exchange for etiquette and fashion lessons, Cillian taught me how to fight. He taught me how to get on in the real world, not the rarefied world of expensive fundraisers, designer suits and private schools. He taught me what I needed to get by in the underworld without much money or influence to back me up.
“A boy with manners like yours needs to know how to protect himself,” he said to me with a laugh.
From the age of fifteen, I spent my time at Cillian’s side. The world looked at me and saw his valet, and that’s precisely how Cillian wanted it.
Years of training in boxing, martial arts, Greco-Roman wrestling and every other combat sport had turned me into a lethal weapon, ready to be unleashed at Cillian’s word. I was that loyal to him.
And now to her.
Sadie.
Colm was jealous of my relationship with his father, even after Sadie came into the picture. It got worse once he had Sadie by his side as if he thought I stood a chance in hell of taking her from him. I didn’t. It didn’t take any real observational skills to see just how much she loved the drunken fool.
It was also equally clear that she didn’t know the real Colm Ashby. If she had, she would have burned pavement to get the hell away from him.
But she stayed and what started as a naïve crush grew as I watched her and watched over her. She was beautiful with thick blonde hair and big green eyes that were a mix of forest green and jade. She was as pale as an Irish rose with pink cheeks, flawless skin, and almond-shaped eyes that gave her a slightly exotic appearance.
I watched her so closely over the years that I memorized every feature, every expression. I knew when Sadie was happy or sad, when she was afraid, worried or excited.
She was the first and the only woman I’d ever loved. That would never change, no matter how much she changed.
When she first stepped into Ashby Manor, she was a shy little thing, scared of her own shadow and as fragile as a porcelain doll. Even though she didn’t know it at the time, Sadie was tough. It was a privilege to watch her discover her strength over the years, especially when Colm had done his damnedest to strip it from her.
Over time, she grew cold and hard, or more accurately to say life had made her cold and hard. I knew everything about her, Sadie Rose, and she barely knew I existed.
Typical of my life, but I didn’t mind. Being near her, being around her and watching how she smiled and laughed with Cillian was enough. It was more than I thought I deserved, so I accepted it, took any crumb of acknowledgment from her and let it sustain me for days, for weeks.
For fucking decades.
Sadie wasn’t just the only woman I ever loved, she was the only reason Cillian and I had ever fought. The old man knew what was happening to her; the evidence of the beatings was impossible to hide completely, and she didn’t know enough about makeup to effectively hide the bruises and black eyes. The broken ribs and sprained wrists were harder to hide. Cillian knew that. He knew, yet he didn’t do shit about it.
I hated him for that.
He knew everything from the beatings she took to the men she had to service when he refused to pay off Colm’s debts. He knew what was happening to his own grandsons, again because Colm couldn’t control his gambling. He knew it and did nothing, claiming that Sadie was where she needed to be.
Cillian laughed when I finally screwed up the courage to confront him.
“Fuck that,” he sneered, “I don’t believe it.”
He stuck his finger in my face and insisted, “I could call Sadie in here right now, give her the choice to leave with a ton of cash and her children, and she would stay. She would take the beatings and everything else.”
I shook my head in confusion. “Is her love for him truly that strong?”
“Not at all, probably hates his fucking guts at this point. But like you, Sadie Rose is a survivor, and she knows that this,” he motioned to his dark, smoky office, the same room that would, decades later, serve as Sadie’s parlor, “is her son’s birthright. After everything she’s put up with, she wouldn’t dare leave and deprive them of this future.”
At that moment, I truly understood the depths of Sadie’s strength, the grit within her to grin and bear her pain silently. She was a master at playing the long game, which only made me love her more. “Wow.”
Cillian nodded and flashed a knowing grin my way. “Tough as nails, that girl is. She has to find her strength and none of us can do it for her, Thomas. She’ll get there. Trust me.”
And she had. It had taken a long damn time, but Cillian had called it right. Right before my eyes, Sadie had become a force to be reckoned with.
I sat at Cillian’s side for months as cancer ate away at his body, turning him into a fragile shadow of the man who’d found me and took me in, turned me into a man.
I stayed with him day and night, listening to his stories, reliving his glory days with him, while Colm did his best to gamble away the entire Ashby fortune.
Sadie had been in and out of his room, inconsolable half the time and as stoic as a statue the rest of the time. Losing Cillian was killing her, but the stubborn woman refused to show it, refused to share her burden with anyone.
