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Declan leans down and kisses the top of my head, wetting the top of my head. I look up in worry, only to see a relieved smile on his face.
“We won,” he solemnly mumbles. “It’s over.”
“It’s over,” I repeat, a sense of solace flooding through me for the first time in over a year.
Chapter thirty-three
Declan
Watchingyourfatherbleedout should fuck you up for life. It should make you feel incomplete or angry at the world. However, all I can think about is the immense calmness that creeps into my bones. It should hurt a hell of a lot more than it does, I should be an uncontrollable mess without my father.Should be. I’m not. As his blood poured from his body, I couldn’t help but think about the earth being a better place without a man like him in it. Am I a bad person for that? Unlikely. My father was an absolute piece of shit, and the man had zero fatherly instincts. The only thing that bound us together was the fact that he was responsible for fifty percent of my genes.Fifty percent, my ass. You just got his fucked up mentality.
It’s been a week since my father finally got what he deserved. I’ve been handling everything fairly well for the most part. Coping with his death is the easy part. The constant reminder of all the torture I went through at the hands of my own father runs through my mind constantly. Some nights I can’t sleep. I’ll lie awake in bed, staring at the ceiling while my brain works a mile a minute and trying to relax by listening to my wife sleeping soundly beside me. The worst part? My mind conjures up terrors of its own that never even occurred, all based around the man who was set on killing me because I refused to leave my wife.
The knife tears through my skin while his face lights up in glee, my screams of agony resound off the brick walls around us.
“Tsk, tsk, Declan. I’ve told you that bitches have no place in our world, son. Must you disappoint your father all the time?” He smiles, his teeth a rotten black color with termites attempting to vacate his mouth…
Natalia steps in front of me, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Hey, are you okay?” Furrowing my brows, I realize that she asked me a question. Shaking my head, she frowns softly, handing me a glass with two fingers of whiskey. “I know that’s a stupid question…” she trails off, looking over her shoulder at our friends with a gentle sigh.
We decided that everyone would come to Finn’s place once we were all on the mend to celebrate. Since he has limited abilities due to his leg and hand, it was an easy decision on where to throw our small get together. Currently, it’s well past dark, and we are all sitting on the back patio around the fire. The scent of smolder cedar wafting around us brings a wave of solace to the group. Many of us are sitting on benches and logs, just chatting with one another before the next big thing hits us.
I give her a reassuring smile and pull her down onto my lap gently. She gives into my efforts without protest, situating herself comfortably. “I’ve never been better,” I mumble as I slip my hand around her waist, hold her hip, and place a soft kiss on her shoulder. She loops her arm around my shoulders, turning sideways on my lap to be able to look at me while we talk.
“Declan, you know you can feel sad about it. Don’t hold it in because it’s what you think you need to do. He was your father, it’s okay to feel something,” she urges, obviously concerned about my current mental state. Smiling, I tilt my head up as she leans down to place her lips on mine. Pulling away, I rest my forehead on hers for a moment before pulling away.
“I have no need to feel something. He was never a father, Natalia. Not really.” I rub circles on her hip, gazing into the fire. I watch the flames lick the air, dancing a ballot that only they can hear. Their movements are languid without a care, unaware that they have an impact on things around them. “Dmitri was more of a father figure to me than Rian was. Shit, he was dead for five years, yet he still had more of an influence. The only thing I got from my deadbeat was the drug business and my last name.”
“That’s one way to think of it,” she mutters quietly, turning her head to admire the flames as well. I reposition us gently, scooting her further into my body with the need to feel her close to me. She’s keeping me grounded, literally and metaphorically.
“I’m glad that my mother died before she saw what a true monster looked like.” I lift the tumbler of amber liquid to my lips, closing my eyes briefly before downing the contents in one swig. She doesn’t respond with words, just a small hum of acknowledgment. I watch the hustle and bustle from our men, laughing with carefree smiles on their faces. They all look relaxed, finally able to untangle from pieces of the torment.
“Do me a favor.” I set my glass on the table beside me. She turns to face me again, giving me her undivided attention. “If I ever come close to being my father, I want you to divorce me. Take the kids, if we are lucky enough to have any, and leave my ass in the dust.”
“Honey,” Natalia says softly, lightly stroking the back of my head. Her eyes sparkle as if I’m teasing her, but I’m more than serious. I give her a pleading look, and she doesn’t say anything else, a silent understanding stretching between us. The soft hands continue to caress my hair, scratching ever-so-softly against my scalp.
Looking into the eyes of the woman I’ve adored since childhood, I see unwavering loyalty and love. Her eyes dilate as I devour her with my own, her oceans threatening to overtake mine. I open my mouth to tell her, but I’m interrupted before I can begin.
“Hey love birds,” Finn calls out from his seat on the lounge chair. “If you two are done playing sucky face, would care to join the rest of us?”
“Leave them alone, Finn,” Skylar warns, smacking his good leg. He bellows out an amused laugh, pulling her down to him and giving her a small kiss.
Looking around at our friends, I smile in understanding. We were in our own little world over here.If only I could take this beauty to our own bedroom, instead.
My free hand absentmindedly traces shapes along the outside of her thigh as I clear my throat.
“I just want to thank you guys,” I say loudly, watching the men around us freeze, placing their attention on myself and Nat. “I couldn’t have made it through these last nine months if it weren’t for you. We’ve done what we could as a team, and I want to make sure you know that I saw your efforts. You all picked up my slack, and I wouldn’t have done it without each and every one of you. Finn, I hope you know how grateful I am for you, and just know that a long vacation will be coming your way after your lazy ass decides to stop faking injuries. You’ve had the worst job of them all, putting up with my hateful ass day in and day out.”
“Tell me about it,” Finn grumbles playfully, and Natalia stifles a laugh. Sky smacks his good leg again, leaning down into his ear to whisper something. His eyes pop open, his mouth immediately opening to defend himself but she shushes him. He meets my gaze, only to see me glaring playfully. I squeeze Natalia’s thigh, and she stiffens slightly. Looking from Finn to her, she’s already glaring at me, arms crossed over her chest.
“I’m just glad Nat and I can finally come out of hiding,” Dmitri comments from beside me, taking a swig of his own drink.
“I can’t wait to meet your girls,” Natalia says looking at her brother. The glimmer in her eyes gives away how excited she truly is. At the mention of his wife and kids, Dmitri’s smile widens.
“When I spoke to Ansleigh earlier, she said that she and the girls would be here at the end of the week. Speaking of…” he trails off, glancing at his phone, no doubt checking the time. He takes the final drink before slapping his knees and rising to his feet. “It’s story time, so if you’ll excuse me.” He walks over and kisses the top of Natalia’s head, ruffling her hair. “See you tomorrow.”
Just as he steps out of the gate, Ava comes out the back door crying for Finn. Natalia and I exchange glances before she slides off my lap.
“I think we are going to head home. It’s been a long week,” I sigh as I stand from the chair, wincing a little as my wounds are still sore. A brief look of concern crosses her face, but it passes once I meet her gaze.
