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Through a small slit in the blinds, I watched as Jensen and my mother talked. Spending time with him was not a good idea. The past couple of hours had been a whirlwind of emotions. I honestly didn’t know if I could handle it all.
My hands trembled the second I heard his voice when he came up on the back deck, and excitement coursed through my veins. I’d waited so long to see him but feared it at the same time. A part of me was afraid to turn around and look at him, but I had no choice. I’d hoped it was my imagination running wild on me, but I knew I was in trouble when I saw him. There he was, all tall, rugged, and handsome in a pair of jeans and a plaid flannel shirt that hugged his muscular arms. His dark brown hair was a little longer on top in that messy hair sort of way, and his grayish-blue eyes made my heart flutter like it did that Christmas night so long ago. My heart raced in my chest, yet guilt filled me for even feeling that way; Jensen was married, and he was not mine. He never would be. It was so easy to forget when I was with him.
I got caught up in the moment, at least until the mention of children came up. He was about to be a father. At that moment, everything came crashing down and reality set in. Jensen would never be mine and I had to live with that. It obviously wasn’t meant to be.
Jensen hopped in his Bronco, and I watched him disappear down the street. I used to love riding around town with him with the top down. He had just turned sixteen when his father took him to Wilmington to surprise him with it. At that point, it was a piece of junk, but they spent countless hours fixing it up; it still looked pristine.
My mother made her way up the steps and around to the back door. There was still a sadness in her eyes, and I knew it’d be like that for a long time. We just had to get through each day at a time. However, there was more color to her cheeks, and she looked exquisite in her light blue maxi dress with her blonde hair in curls down her back. In her hand was a small, golden clutch that matched her sandals. When she walked in the door, I was standing there waiting for her.
“Hey,” she called out, a smile lighting up her face. “I see you had some company.”
“And I see you’re looking hot tonight,” I countered, not really wanting to talk about Jensen.
My mother pursed her lips. “You’re deflecting. Did things not go well with you and Jensen?”
I waved her off. “It’s fine. We talked and caught up, that’s it.” My grin widened at the sight of her outfit. “What about you? Is there something special going on tonight?”
She twirled around in her dress. “Your father is taking me out on a date. He thought it might cheer me up to get out of the house for a while.” Her smile faded slightly. “I know he’s trying to help get my mind off things.” She dropped her clutch onto the coffee table and walked over to me. “I wanted to see if you’d like to join us.”
I snorted. “It’s your date night, so no.” Then I waved a hand down at my clothes and sandy legs from mine and Jensen’s walk on the beach. Also, I knew my hair was a tangled mess. “I’m not dressed to go out to eat.”
My mother laughed. “You look amazing.” Her eyes twinkled. “And speaking of amazing, Jensen told me he offered to buy the house. That takes a lot of stress off you.” She flourished a hand around the room. “Plus, we know he’ll take care of it.”
That was true, he would. However, a small part of me didn’t want him to buy the house, not when he was going to live happily ever after in it with someone who wasn’t me.
With a groan, I ran a hand over my face, hating myself for even thinking that way. My mother cocked her head to the side, regarding me curiously.
“What was that about?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. Just thinking.”
A sly smile spread across her face. “About Jensen? I bet it was nice seeing him again.”
“It was,” I admitted truthfully. “I had forgotten how easy it was to talk to him.”
Her smile turned sad. “You two were always so in tune with each other; it used to scare your father. He feared you’d end up together and you would give up your dreams of being a doctor to stay here with Jensen.”
I snorted. “Well, that definitely didn’t happen.”
She walked up to me and looked into my eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if you’d be happier if you did.” My heart caught in my chest. I wasn’t expecting those words to come out of her mouth.
“It’s too late for that, Mom.”
“Nothing is ever too late. Aren’t you going to see him again?”
My mouth dropped and I stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. How could she even suggest I see Jensen again and insinuate a future with him? He was a married man with a baby on the way. There was no way in hell I would ever try to break him and Michelle up. Yet, my mother’s hopeful look made me question her sanity.
“Really, Mom?” I fired back. “What exactly do you think is going to happen if I see him again?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you two will finally realize you’re meant to be together.” How could she be saying this to me? Before I could respond, she held up a hand, cutting me off. “Look, I know something happened between you and Jensen that one Christmas night. After you left, he was never the same. And frankly, neither were you. I just want to see you happy.”
I scoffed. “Well, it won’t happen with a married man, Mom! For Christ’s sake, Jensen and Michelle are about to have a baby!”
She guffawed unexpectedly, but then confusion quickly replaced the amusement on her face. “Wait, what? What are you—” She stopped abruptly, and her eyes widened with what appeared to be understanding. It was like I’d entered a twilight zone; nothing made sense.
“We are talking about the same Jensen, right?” I asked, wondering what was going on.
She opened her mouth, closed it, and then bit her lip sheepishly like she’d said too much. There was something she wasn’t telling me.
