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I bite my lower lip in excitement.
Our eyes meet once again before they fall to each other’s lips. Memories of our first kiss invade my mind. I close my eyes to wish it away, but it’s too late. His mouth presses against mine with intensity. Those pillow lips are once again comforting mine. I turn my head and my tongue finds its way into his mouth. My hands make their way to his soaking wet hair. I run my fingers through it before they make their way down to explore his bare chest. His tongue takes a break, and he softly nibbles on my bottom lip. A moan escapes me.Am I ready for this? I know it’s on the list, but am I ready?
My desire for him deepens when he looks at me. I have so much to say, but I choose to not to say a word. Instead, I fling my head back as his lips meet my neck. With each kiss, I melt a little more. My legs squirm beneath the surface as I feel him rub against me.
His mouth inches lower down my chest until it reaches my nipple. His lips encompass it and my own part to release a moan. My breath quickens.
I begin to move my hips up and down against him in the water. He stands up completely and lifts us out of the water. The moonlight glistens on our wet bodies. I arch back in the air, and he kisses my stomach. I’m ready to let go and let him in.
Zayn lowers our bodies back into the water. He pulls away again and stares into my eyes. This time he mutters, “I’m sorry.”
“What?” His words startle me. “Why the hell are you apologizing?” I ask, wishing he’d stop talking. I’m finally letting go of my anxiety and he’s ruining it with an apology.
“Are you sure you want this? I really don’t want you to do anything you don’t actually want to do.” He releases me into the water and grabs my hand. We slowly wade through the water together until we reach the shore.
“Ugh, you know what? No. Stop being sorry,” I tell him. “I do want it.”
He breathes heavily. “Autumn, let’s be real. You don’t. We’re both caught up in the moment right now. Hell, in a few months once the list is complete, you’ll more than likely go back to hating my guts.”
“That’s not true. I do want you,” I admit. My hands guard my chest from the chill that overcomes me. “More than that, I’ve wanted you for a long time. So much, that I spent my entire adult life, married life included, hoping, praying, and waiting for you, Zayn. Waiting for you to explain why the hell you left me.”
He inches closer to me again. “I know. That will forever be the biggest regret of my life.”
I cry at his words, feeling like this has been the biggest reason I haven’t wanted to give myself to him again. “So is your dad really the only reason you stayed behind?”
He lets out a sigh and rubs his palm against his forehead. “Yes, originally. He made threats to me. He wasn’t the guy you see and know today. I thought he was going to try to hurt himself, or worse, someone else.”
I watch as his eyes gloss over with tears. “I know it’s the stereotypical response, but at the time it really wasn’t about you; it was about me. I was only trying to do the right thing by staying to help my dad. Then, I took out all my anger by sleeping with anyone who gave me the time of day.” His hands hug the back of his neck. “I was planning to move to NYU the following semester, but then . . . well you know, Riley came into the picture. I tried to make it work with Sam so I could be the father mine never was. I needed to know I tried everything to be a better dad, so I did what I thought I had to do. Clearly, it didn’t work out. Which now, I’m glad it didn’t. But my regret all along was leaving you.”
I wipe my tears. “You were going to come to NYU after that?”
He nods. “I actually took a flight to come surprise you one day. But I saw how happy you were . . . with Liam. So, I knew I had to let you go so you could be happy.”
My hands shake and my voice trembles. “You should’ve told me that. Instead, you ghosted me. I never heard from you again. That was the worst night of my life when you ended things. I had to move on. I needed a new plan.”
Zayn wraps his arms around me. He holds my head in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. He looks down at me with his bold, brown eyes. “You have always been my plan, Autumn.”
I part my lips in a gasp and he lowers his head to meet them once again. I surrender to him in this moment, allowing my hands to explore his body from his neck to his chest and down to where I feel him harden in my hand. My eyes look back up at him.
His eyebrows raise to double check I’m still okay with this. I nod and grab his face again to kiss him. His tongue makes its way back into my mouth and we start to move backwards towards the spot I set our towels down. He pauses for a moment and then grabs one of the towels to lay it down on the sand.
As soon as he does, he comes right back to kissing me again. His hands slip behind me, taking hold of me and lifting me in the air. My legs straddle him while he stands, then lowers himself to the ground, and places me on my back on the towel. My thighs continue to stay wrapped around his waist. He kisses my neck and heads down to my nipples again, carefully caressing each breast before making his way down and tasting every inch of me. My thighs begin to shake from pleasure and then release, and he returns to my eye line with a smile.
“Autumn, you’re so sexy. I’ve never wanted you more.”
I whimper in response as he continues kissing me from head to toe. Zayn pauses for a moment. “I uh—shit, I’m so sorry. I don’t have a condom on me.”
“It’s okay. I’m on the pill still actually.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, now shut up and get over here.” His eyes fill with lust. I pull him back down towards me. He wraps my legs around his neck and lowers himself down, entering me slowly. My eyes roll back, and he groans with pleasure with every inch.
The moment he’s fully inside of me, my back arches and a loud moan escapes me. My anxiety disappears into the darkness. The sounds of the ocean breeze and waves have my back tonight.
“It’s so breathtakingly beautiful,” I say.
I feel Zayn’s eyes on me. “I couldn’t agree more,” he says.
