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I take a deep breath and try to focus on the positives. I have Ruslan, and he loves me and our baby. We have a beautiful home, and I know we'll figure out a way to make it work.
Maybe I won't be the career woman my mother envisioned, but I can still be a good mother and a loving partner. I just have to trust myself and trust in our future together.
I place my hand on my stomach, feeling the small bump that's already starting to grow. I feel a rush of love and the instinct to protect, and I know that I'll do anything to keep our child safe and happy.
In this moment, I realize that my dreams have changed. Maybe they're not what my mother wanted for me, but they're what I want for myself. I want to be a mother, a partner, and a part of Ruslan's world. And with his love and support, I know that I can overcome anything.
EPILOGUE
Vera
Isigh deeply as I glance around the crowded fairgrounds.
It's been eight or nine years since I was last here, and yet everything looks just the same. The smell of fried food and the sound of carnival games fill the air, and I can't help but smile as I watch the love of my life lift our son, Misha, onto his shoulders.
Misha is grinning from ear to ear, his little hands gripping onto Ruslan's hair as he looks around excitedly. It's his first time at the fair, and I can't help but feel nervous.
I don't want him to get hurt or scared, and the memory of the shooting at the state fair all those years ago still lingers in the back of my mind.
The sounds of the rides, the screaming from the top of the Ferris wheel… It’s all so reminiscent of that fateful first night.
I thought I’d be well past it by now, which is why I agreed to come in the first place. Misha’s classmates have all been showing off the prizes they’ve won at the fair, detailing the harrowing experience of plunging straight down from the Giant Drop.
Heneedsto have this experience. As far as he’s concerned, it’s a rite of passage. What kind of mom would I be if I denied him of it? Especially based on my own fears, not his own?
Ruslan senses my worry and leans in close to me. “Don't worry, my love. Misha will be fine. I'll take good care of him.”
I nod, taking comfort in his words, and we make our way over to the carnival rides. Ruslan buys tickets for the Ferris wheel, the carousel, and a few others, but I can't help but feel nervous as we approach the mini roller coaster.
Ruslan grins at me, sensing my hesitation. “Come on, it'll be fun if you give it a chance!”
I look up at the towering ride, my heart pounding in my chest. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.
Before I can say anything, Misha starts jumping up and down, begging to go on the ride.
Ruslan looks at me, and I can see the excitement in his eyes. “Let's do it.”
I follow Ruslan and Misha to the ride, watching nervously as they climb into one of the cars. Ruslan looks back at me and smiles reassuringly, and I can't help but begin to let go of the tension and worry in my chest.
The ride starts moving, and my heart races as I watch my family disappear over the first hill. I can hear Misha's screams of excitement as they speed around the track, and I can't help but feel a little jealous that I'm not up there with them.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. It's been so long since the shooting at the state fair, but the memories still linger. I can't help but think about how lucky we were to make it out alive, and I will always worry that something will happen again.
But then I hear Misha's laughter, and my eyes snap open. The ride is over, and Ruslan and Misha are getting off. I rush over to them, and Ruslan scoops Misha up into his arms.
“How was it, little man?” Ruslan asks, grinning from ear to ear.
Misha can't stop laughing as he clings onto Ruslan. “It was so much fun, Papa! Can we do it again?”
Ruslan looks at me, and I nod my head. “Of course, let's do it again.”
As we make our way back to the roller coaster, I can't help but feel grateful for my little family. Ruslan may have a violent past, and we may have had a rocky start to our relationship, but he's the perfect dad – better than I ever could have expected him to be.
He loves Misha more than anything in the world, and seeing the two of them together fills me with so much joy.
I join them the second time around, and we climb back into the roller coaster car together. As we speed around the track, I can't help but laugh and scream along with Misha.
This is what it's all about. This is the dream I thought I would never have, and I’m living right in the middle of it.
