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I didn’t have to fuck her.
Didn’t have to free myself from Neri this way.
What if I can’t...?
What if it doesn’t work?
But what if I don’t try?
What if I always felt this way and never learned how to be free? Doomed to always want what I couldn’t have and never be happy?
Rhea suddenly scooted down the bed, her hair tickling my belly.
“Holy fuuuck—” I jack-knifed up and fell backward with a hiss as Rhea sucked me.
She wasn’t shy like before.
Her mouth encircled me, her tongue speared the tip, and her hand slid down my length as she deep-throated me.
A stream of my native tongue filled my head.
A barrage of curses.
A storm of lust—
Her lips crashed hotly to mine.
Her breasts crushed firmly against my wet t-shirt.
Her hands yanked at my hair, sending bolts of pain and indescribable need.
She dove her tongue deliciously into my mouth.
I convulsed.
I drowned in her.
I lost myself in her.
I wanted and wanted and—
The vision of Neri kissing me on Noah Beach shattered.
Nausea pooled in my stomach as Rhea sucked me harder.
I ought to be out of my fucking mind with delirium. The sensation of Rhea’s touch, the intoxication of her mouth...I’d never felt anything like it.
But...it paled in comparison to a forbidden kiss on a beach with a girl dripping in seawater. A girl giving me everything, all while knowing I couldn’t take it.
With a fleeting kiss to my lower belly, Rhea grabbed the condom resting by my hip. With a tear, the packet revealed a lemony scent and the slippery sight of rubber.
My father had taught me how they worked.
My friend’s mother—a nurse and keen to keep us sexually safe—gave us a bag of them when we were fourteen. We’d filled them with water, throwing them at each other, before taking a handful and not admitting that we’d sampled them on ourselves that night.
Rhea gave me a sexy smile and rolled the condom down my hard but quickly deflating length.
No matter what I did.
No matter how hard I tried.
My heart was with another, and my body refused to betray her.
Shit...
Her eyes caught mine with a worried inhale.
I gritted my teeth and cupped her cheek. “Rhea, I...”
I looked at her stunning breasts and dropped my hand from her cheek, over her chest, and down between her legs.
If I touched her, perhaps this nightmare could end.
Gritting my teeth, I lowered my fingers. I went to sink them inside her. She shifted a little, giving me access, revealing the glisten of her desire and the blatant invitation.
I touched her heat—
And I couldn’t fucking do it.
Jerking my hand away, I fell backward. “Kafami sikeyim.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and drowned beneath the sickness and regret I’d never be free from.
Rhea stopped rolling the condom on me.
With a sharp inhale, she jerked her legs up and hugged them, hiding her bareness. “If you didn’t want to sleep with me, why the hell did you agree to come back here?” Her words were harsh, but her voice echoed with embarrassment.
Absolute rage rolled through me.
I wanted to punch myself.
I wanted to jump out the window and break into pieces.
I wanted to trade my heart for another.
I wanted to never have met Nerida fucking Taylor.
Sitting up slowly, I glowered at my semi-hard cock and tossed the blankets over my lap, hiding my shame. “I’m so sorry, Rhea. It’s not you—”
“Oh, please. Save it.” Anger painted her cheeks as her hands balled. “You’re an asshole. A right prick of an asshole who doesn’t give a rat’s ass—”
“I’m in love with someone I can’t have,” I rushed. “I truly thought you could cure me...” I rubbed my hands over my face, unable to look at her. “I really, really hoped you could. Unfortunately, it seems as if I’m incurable.”
Her shoulders lost a little of their tightness as I forced myself to glance up. “You’re gorgeous and fun and nice. I’m the luckiest asshole in Australia to be here, in your bed, moments away from being with you, but...”
Silence fell thick between us before she murmured, “You can’t keep it up because I’m not her.”
I laughed coldly. “Appears that way.”
“Can I ask you something?”
I nodded, bracing myself for a condemning question.
“If you could’ve stayed hard, would you have fucked me? Would you have been with me, all while imagining I was her?”
I gave her the respect of truly thinking about her question, coming face-to-face with stark truth. “No. Even if my body wasn’t punishing me, I wouldn’t have been able to do that to you. It wouldn’t be fair to be with you when my heart is with another.”
“Who is she?”
I jerked.
That was exactly what Neri had asked in her last text.
Urgency to grab my shorts and fish my phone from them gripped me. I wanted to text her, talk to her, tell her in every fucking language that I was hers even though she could never be mine.
