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I trace my tongue on the inside of my lower lip and nod, pulling her against me once again.
“Ryder deserves better than what he has,” she says as she pulls back again. “But Travis is still his father, and I know how crazy that sounds because what he did was unforgivable. He drove drunk twice with him in the car. I hope for his sake he can get sober.”
“Me too,” I tell her because if anything, it will alleviate the guilt both she and Ryder feel where Travis is concerned.
“I can’t get hurt like I did before,” she whispers, fighting against me a little when I move some so I can look her in the eye.
I know she’s timid about what she said, what her confession means, but she has to know where I stand.
I cup her face when she threatens to drop her eyes from mine.
“I fucking cherish you, Sunshine. That means I provide and take care of you and Ryder. I will always put the two of you first. I can’t even imagine a future where I’m not spending every single day loving you and your son.”
Her chin quivers, another tear rolling down her cheek.
I see the love she has for me in her eyes without her even speaking the words. It’s also shadowed by another man’s lies, the promises he made to her and broke.
I press my lips to her forehead. I have all the time in the world to prove to her that I’m as solid as a fucking rock. Every time I come through when she may be expecting failure or disappointment, I know those shadows in her eyes will fade. I know a day will come when every smile is a real smile, and her expectations meet exactly what she deserves, and that’s the universe.
Chapter 39
Sunshine
“You seem like you have something to say.”
If he were any other man, I might question the tone of his voice. If I didn’t know him better, I might think he was upset or irritated, but those days are few and far between. Even when he could possibly be in a better mood, he never takes it out on me or Ryder.
If he’s feeling out of sorts, he’ll head outside and do some strength training, smiling when Ryder insists on joining him. He never asks for time alone or insists that we’re driving him crazy. He never falters. He never slips up, and yet he still apologizes, even on days where I haven’t questioned whether he had something else going on or something annoyed him.
I confronted him once after an apology that came from out of nowhere because he’s always been quick to call me out on a fake smile or gritting my teeth rather than voicing my own irritation with a situation. I knew that pointing out the inconsistency where he’s concerned wouldn’t start an argument. Sometimes it’s frustrating that he’s so calm. Sometimes I want the fight, even knowing it’s not healthy.
So when we’re in a good place, he changes how he speaks to me based on my needs. The man has become an expert at it the last two months.
If he thinks I need to be the brat that brings out that slightly aggressive side of him, his tone takes on the edge it just did.
I bite my lip before speaking, my eyes trailing over the muscles in his arms as he shrugs into that sexy-as-hell leather cut.
“I hate how loudly you chew.”
He huffs a laugh, falling out of character. “That’s the best you got?”
I try to stifle my own smile, but I fail miserably.
“Do I really chew too loudly?”
I shrug. “When I’m watching your mouth, all I hear is my pulse pounding.”
He slides closer to me, his arms circling my waist, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. I’ve grown used to it, expectant of it, but I constantly remind myself how lucky I am so I don’t grow complacent. I never want the day to come where I wake up not feeling grateful for the direction my life has taken.
Ryder is doing great in school, and despite the accidents he had at daycare and the precautions we’ve made to ensure he has a change of clothes at school, he’s yet to have to change into them.
After Travis showed up at my work and was subsequently arrested, I just couldn’t walk back inside there. I thought leaving early that day was temporary, that I’d calm down and the next day would be different, but it wasn’t. The stress of everything hit me hard, and Brent was right there to help me through all of it. After I hadn’t changed my mind about returning after using up all my vacation days, I quit.
Now I’m a private sitter for a family whose daughter has cerebral palsy. They appreciate me and value the care I provide. The pay is great, and I no longer have to clench my teeth and force myself to go to work. I’ve even recently started going back to visit some of the residents at the care facility. As much as a lot of them miss me, they also comment on how well I look.
