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I tucked a strand of pink hair behind my ear demurely as I took a seat on one of the cracked leather chairs placed in front of his desk.
“Please,” I said, crossing my ankles and tucking them underneath the chair.
“Excellent.” He stood up and made his way to the cart, a delighted smile on his face.
I tried not to watch him too intently; I didn’t want to come across as rude. At the same time, I wasn’t sure where else to look. I decided my safest bet was to look through the window behind his desk, which overlooked the Night Forest. It was somewhat eerie this morning, thanks to the fog that touched the trees and lingered even as the sun made its ascent in the sky.
“Sugar or cream?” Grey’s soft voice interrupted my thoughts.
I blinked and shifted my gaze in his direction. “Both, please,” I said.
He nodded once and scooped three spoonfuls of sugar into my cup before dousing the liquid with cream. From there, he stirred up the concoction carefully, almost like he was some kind of Light Bringer, crafting a potion that had to be put together with careful precisions. When he felt satisfied, he picked up the saucer the teacup sat upon and handed it over to me.
“There you are,” he said.
I looped my finger through the handle but didn’t pick it up yet. I couldn’t bring myself to drink it until I heard more about why I was here in the first place.
Not because I was paranoid or believed he thought he did something to the tea. Master Grey was intimidating but he wasn’t vindictive or cruel, at least from what I knew. Then again, I knew he called this meeting for a reason, more than just checking up on me.
It took him another moment or two before he made himself a cup. Like me, he added sweetness to it and carefully moved to his seat with the saucer in his hand. He set it down first before sliding in what I imagined was a much more comfortable chair, staring at me with a soft smile on his face.
“Well?” he asked, wrinkling his brows.
I frowned. “Uh, you called me here, sir,” I said, trying not to sound confused.
He chuckled. “Yes, of course,” he said. “I meant the tea.” He nodded towards the cup.
“Oh.” My cheeks pinched, though whether that was because I brought the cup to my face and the steam had flushed my skin or if it was because I had completely gotten it wrong, I didn’t know. “Um, delicious.”
I hoped he bought it.
“Good,” he said. “The few times I interacted with you when you were younger, you always made the funniest face every time I offered you some of the drink. Your emotions were clearly on your face, Embyrlyn.”
He said it in this warm voice, but I didn’t like it. Kazu’s voice played like a song stuck in my head, nearly the same words he uttered earlier this morning.
I forced a smile but it didn’t quite reach my eyes. My back stiffened, shoulders near my ears, as I shoved my palms between my thighs, careful not to spill the tea I had balanced on the arm of the chair. I wasn’t sure how to respond without coming out and asking. But if I did that, it would be rude, and I didn’t want that either.
“Thank you for coming in, my dear,” he said. “I hope Captain Kent and I didn’t keep you waiting too long. With the full moon coming, I need to make sure I meet with everyone so preparations are in place.” He smiled. “I’ll try to make this as seamless as possible. I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”
“Oh, it’s okay,” I said. But the truth was, I needed the training. I wanted to be outside, improving my fighting, my power. I might be damn good at strategy, but I still had work to do in other areas of my training, and if I didn’t focus on that, it meant Kazu was right.
And I couldn’t let him be right about that.
You’re inadequate.
I tried to get Kazu out of my head, but it was so damn hard to do. I hated that I cared what he thought about me. It was sick, craving his approval when there was a good chance I would never get it. But I needed to do something. And this meeting was cutting into that.
“Oh, I see how you look over my shoulder outside,” he said, amusement touching his voice. “It’s quite all right, my dear. I know how important it is to improve one’s self, especially if you believe it will earn you something you truly desire.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly, then tried to school my features into something neutral. One of the things I needed to work on was keeping my face in check, so I didn’t reveal what I was thinking or the true nature of my thoughts. It was still a work in progress, but I felt like I was improving, little by little.
“Tell me,” he said, leaning forward slightly. “Have you heard of any leads on Dade?”
My heart thumped hard against my chest. It was like he had reached into my body and pulled out the organ keeping me alive so he could study it. What he intended to do with that information, I had no idea. I just knew I didn’t want to talk about Dade. It might have been three years, but the way he left, it hurt too much even now. And I was sure Felix would say the same thing.
“Uh, no.” The word was lead on my tongue. It tasted like failure, even though I had no idea how I could possibly know where Dade was. He had been gone for three years, and the few leads we had found over that time had all fizzled out into nothing.
“Ah. I’m sorry to hear that.” He took a sip of his tea before setting down the cup, lacing his fingers together, and giving me a long look, like he was trying to figure out whether he should tell me something or not.
