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The PROS side clearly won, and yet, I still got this deep sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. Where was I going to find anyone who even wanted to help me with this? Felix was the only guy I found myself close to. There was Adrya, but I wasn’t going to lose my virginity to her, either. It needed to be with a guy, one I could trust, one who would be sweet and tender, even if it meant nothing, but also someone I could still see around and not be embarrassed by.
Maybe I was setting the bar too high. Was there even such a person like that out there? Especially at this school?
I leaned back against the chair, pinching the bridge of my nose and trying to figure out what to do. It looked like my best option was to lose my virginity, but I wasn’t sure who I could trust with this. The criteria I had had before was impossible unless it was Dade. Dade was my only requirement. But now, things had changed, and I wasn’t sure what to look for because I hadn’t considered what I wanted.
Except, was I even allowed to want? Or was time of the essence? Did I have to relax my standards in favor of doing it before I left?
“Embyrlyn?”
Felix’s voice grated on my nerves like a feather brushing against the back of my neck.
I snapped to attention, quickly pushing my notebook into my backpack.
“I thought I might find you here.”
“What do you want?” I asked with more bite than I intended.
He flinched back, glancing around. “I brought you food, remember?” He handed me a plate and guilt flooded my system. This wasn’t his fault. I shouldn’t be taking it out on him like it was. “I just wanted to check in on you and see how the whole meeting with Kazu-sensei went. Kind of weird for him to be talking to you, huh?”
I clenched my teeth together as the guilt inside of me instantly evaporated. Felix had this talent of making me feel sorry for him, only to then turn it around and make me regret not punching him instead.
“He’s just telling me I have a long way to go,” I said, grabbing the flaky chocolate croissant. “Hey, how are you and Misty?”
“Oh.” He reached behind him to scratch the back of his head. “I mean, we’re taking it slow, obviously. Our first official date is the full moon.”
My lips curved up in genuine happiness for him. Felix was constantly positive and he had this uncanny ability to make everyone else happy around him. He deserved this, and the last thing he needed from me was putting this burden on him, especially since it might not pan out. More than that, if he knew what I was getting into, he would involve himself in some way. He’d want to protect me but he’d also want to get Dade, regardless of the danger it would ensure.
I couldn’t say anything to him. Not because Master Grey told me not to, but because I couldn’t be that selfish. This mission, and everything that was involved with it, was mine and mine alone.
“I’m happy for you,” I forced myself to say. “Though the fact that any girl would want to go out with you is a miracle to me.”
He rolled his eyes, taking a seat next to me on the bench. “Hey, can I ask you something?” he asked.
“You can ask me anything,” I said before taking a bite of the croissant.
“Do you ever worry we’re doing this for nothing?” he asked.
I paused, swallowing my food. “What do you mean?”
He sighed. “I just…Dade left us,” he said, hunching forward, elbows resting on his knees. “He wasn’t taken. He left. Because he wanted to learn about ShadowSide and what he could do with his magic. What if he doesn’t want this? What if he doesn’t want to be found because his revenge is more important than anything else?”
I thought about his question for a minute, then two. The truth was, I had been thinking about this a lot lately. I didn’t know the right answer to it either. Part of me hated Dade for his selfishness, the other part wanted to hug him because I had no idea what it felt like to lose his pack so viciously that all he was consumed with was revenge.
“I don’t know, Felix,” I replied, staring off in front of me. “I think the best thing we can do as friends is not give up on him.”
“Even if he would do the same to us?” Felix asked.
“Especially then,” I said. “I mean, that’s what friends do, right?”
Freya
Igot through my second day of classes as best as any first-time student did in my situation. By the time lunch rolled around, I was exhausted. There was too much information in my head, and it didn’t help that I didn’t sleep much last night.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Mom. About her face. I could still hear her yelling at me to leave, could still hear how broken her voice was when she told me to come here.
I picked up the macaroni and cheese I had in front of me. I should’ve been scarfing it down. Instead, I could barely muster up the strength to eat. Part of me wondered if my mom had any idea what she was doing sending me here. The other part of me was grateful to have a roof over my head and a safe place I could relax and actually warn her. But I still couldn’t help the frustration building inside of me slowly, over what happened to her.
Was it a Vrykolakas?
