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I had no idea what I was looking at. I had been staring at a painting that was gray with white dots along the sides for a few minutes. I had no idea what I was supposed to see in it, what it was supposed to mean, and not for the first time, I knew I was out of my element. The painting was part of the abstract art section Brody and I had wandered into. We had been staring at it for a few minutes now. I was trying to see the point, I was trying to understand what the artist wanted us to see, but all I saw was gray. Maybe that was the point.
Brody had been waiting for me outside the museum and had already gotten us tickets. He offered to get us audio guides, but I had declined. I had wanted to talk to him while we walked and saw the art, not be lost in the words of someone else. Now I wished we had gotten them, then I would have something to talk to him about as we stared at the painting and I tried desperately to find something meaningful to say.
“Interesting,” Brody said after a few moments more of us looking at the gray painting.
“It’s very gray,” I said, and he turned and smiled at me.
We had been in the museum for about half an hour, but it felt longer. It felt strange and yet easy to be with Brody. He was a man I grew up with, who I had known most of my life. But I felt out of my league in the museum, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of him. It left me feeling off balance.
“That it is,” he said as we kept looking at the painting.
I waited for him to say something more, to give me some insight into what he was thinking about the painting, but he didn’t. After a few more minutes, he turned to me and asked, “Do you want to go check out the Monet?”
“Sure,” I said. That was at least an artist that I knew something about.
We walked into the next room, which was painted a bright white with a few paintings along the side walls. People mingled around those paintings, but the main interest was the one along the far wall, Monet’sWater Lilies. It was massive, and I could feel my mouth dropping open as I looked at it. I had seen pictures of it when I was in school, and I had never thought it was that massive. I couldn’t understand how anyone could paint something so huge or make it look so amazing.
“I feel like I’m standing at a lake,” I whispered.
“It is pretty incredible,” Brody said.
I smiled at him, and he smiled back. His eyes roamed over my body before going back to my face. It wasn’t the first time he had done it, and every time, I could feel my body reacting to his look. I closed my eyes and then turned to look back at the painting.
We had agreed to be friends. Well, he had asked if we could get reacquainted, and I had agreed. I was the one who told him we couldn’t be anything more, and he had accepted it. I hadn’t counted on my attraction for him growing the longer we were together. I had thought that we would be happy to just hang out, that I would find him fun and easy to be around, and that I would have found my first friend in the city.
He was all of that, but he was also so sexy, funny, and easy to be around. He made random comments about the paintings or the people that we would see, and it made me laugh. It wasn’t mean, just observations. I wanted to ask him if he had learned how to be so observant because of being in the Navy. I hadn’t remembered him being so funny or insightful when we were younger.
I certainly wasn’t as observant. I was just trying not to look like a fool while we moved through the museum and I looked at the paintings and sculptures. I didn’t have time to actually take in the other people or be smart or quick enough to come up with witty responses to what I was seeing.
The art was beautiful, it was amazing to see so much work all in one place, and I knew I should feel lucky that I had the chance to see them. This was what Alice had told me I should do, take in the sights, get some culture, try new things. As I looked at the incredible painting in front of me, I was doing that. I just wasn’t sure if this type of culture was for me.
Brody seemed to be enjoying himself, and for him, I would stand and nod and look like I understood what I was seeing. He said he had been in the city for a while, and he looked like he had adjusted well. Most people I talked to said how much they loved the city, how great it was, and how they couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I felt like I was missing something, and I didn’t know what it was. I had hoped being in a famous museum would give me some insight, but it had only made me feel more isolated.
I was trying to take my sister’s advice and think that if I just went out, did things, saw what the city had to offer, I would like it. It was great to say that I had been to the Museum of Modern Art, but I couldn’t say that I ever needed to go again or I liked what I was seeing besides the Water Lilies.
“Did you know that there are actually twenty-five paintings that are considered to be a part of the Water Lily collection?” Brody asked.
“I did not. Where are the other ones?”
“Honestly? I have no idea. I think one might be in Chicago, and they talked about some others being in Paris, but I’m not sure,” he said.
“Oh,” I said and nodded.
“I looked it up before we got here. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was looking at,” Brody said and smiled at me.
“Really?” I asked.
“Before I came to New York, the only other museum I went to was the Evergreen Museum, and that was only because Dad wanted to see the Spruce Goose.”
“Oh, River kept asking Dad to take him, but they never went. It must have been cool. Was it as big as you thought it would be?” I asked.
“Bigger. It was awesome to see, and it was fun to spend the day with my dad. My sister and mother didn’t want to go, so it was a good memory for us to have.”
“Is your Dad okay?” I asked. I hadn’t heard anything, but maybe they were keeping it quiet.
“Oh, yeah. It was just a trip we did before I joined the Navy. It was kind of a last hurrah.”
“Did he not want you to join?” I asked.
