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Ipress my thumb over his lips. “Shh, you are not.Peopleare drawn to all kinds of sexually twisted things.Aslong as no one is hurt, or taken advantage of…”
“Iwould never,” he interrupts. “Ijust…fuckRachel,Iscare myself.”
“Iknow, baby.Iknow.Whenyou leave, you’ll discover so many people with so many things that might seem frightening to you now, but you’ll learn they’re normal, average.Altais so small, so isolated from the world.Evan, you have no idea how special you are, not because you’re who your parents raised you to be, but because you are so complex and intense.Thereis so much of you that is repressed.LukeandIboth love those things, even if we may not know what they are yet.That’snever going to change.”
Helets out a weighted sigh.
“Marryme.”Hiswords float there, not quite making it into my understanding.Hishand opens, holding not one but three rings. “Sorry, it’s a set, butIdon’t know how they fit together.”
“Evan!”Thediamond is emerald cut with an antique white gold band.Twosmaller emerald-cut diamonds are set on either side.Thetwo bands are similar.Bothare set with small emerald-cut diamonds all the way around.Onediffers in that it has round diamonds between each emerald-cut diamond.Itis also rose gold while the other band is regular gold.Threedifferent colors of gold, three rings.Theytake my breath away.
“It’sa set,”Iexplain. “Traditionally, the bands would be given on the wedding day, the diamond for the engagement.”
Hepicks the diamond ring from his palm and holds it up. “Iknow we can’t be engaged now.Noone would understand.It’sprobably too soon after everything you’ve been through.Iam asking you for a promise.”Heslides the ring just over the tip of my ring finger on my right hand, not my left. “Rachel,Ilove you, andIwant this to be a promise to each other for our future engagement and marriage when the timing is right.Whenall the drama is in the past.WhenI’mable to take care of you andOlivia.Whenwe can be together without the weight of the world.Whenyou can wear this on your left hand and show the world we belong together.”
I’mspeechless.Ihave so many questions.Ihave so many things that should be said.Instead,Ilook at his bright eyes, full of hope and love. “Ipromise,Iwill love you forever,Evan.”
Helooks surprised for a moment before he pushes the ring onto my finger and takes me in his arms.Itfeels like a dream, a beautiful dream.I’mnot losingEvan, not ever.Thisseparation is only in distance, not emotions.Imelt against him, feeling relieved and happy.
Happiness.
Sucha rare emotion for me.Ithas always been a fickle emotion, with a promise of bliss, but armed with the sting of disappointment.
“Ilove you so much,” he whispers in my ear.
Alllogic fizzles away as his lips find mine.Ilet him whisk me away to the fantasy where we will be together and always have each other.Ilatch onto it with everything in me.Hislips trail down my neck as his hands scale my body.Thesparkle of the two bands catches my eye.Heis wearing them on his pinky.Thereare so many diamonds!SuddenlyI’mhit with guilt.
“Evan!Theserings are too expensive.Ican’t take them!”
Hejust smiles at me with a cocky grin and shrugs. “Ididn’t buy them.Theywere my grandmother’s rings.Muchto my mother’s displeasure, she left them to me.Shesaid they were to be passed on to her only grandson for his wife, who will carry on the family name.”
“Thatsounds so traditional.”
“I’vekept them in the top drawer of my dresser at home.”Hiseyes gaze over my face. “Iwant you,Rachel, to be my wife someday.Ibelong with you.”
“Ilove you so damn much!”Itell him.
Hesmiles big and slides his hands under my top.Ikiss his forehead as he sinks down and kisses over the flesh he slowly reveals.Ipull my shirt over my head, and he pulls my shorts and panties off my legs.Heeases down onto his stomach, wraps his arms around my thighs, and dives his tongue between my folds.Ashiver causes me to tremble, andIfall back against the pillows.Hetastes and licks me hungrily asIpull on the locks of his hair.
“Makelove to me…please!”Iplead.
Hisface rises to me, andIwishIcould keep the look he’s giving me branded in my mind forever.Heclimbs up my body, never losing eye contact.Isee all of his desire and love for me, the innocence of it…the twisted darkness that is the undercurrent, and it changes me forever.EvanLoganwill always be connected to that darkness no one else sees.Webelong there.Wethrive there.
Withease, he slides into me, slow and tender.Theeye contact is almost too much to bear, butIcrave it.Ineed him, all of him because everyone else has held back.OnlyEvangives me every part of him.Hisbreath tickles my ear.Ibury my face against his neck and cling to his body.Hemoves with agile precision.Attimes he squeezes me painfully close and grinds deeper into me.
“I’llalways be here, in the recesses with you,”Iwhisper.
Hegrunts as if my words were a punch to his gut. “I’llgive you all of my dark twisted self, if you’ll take me,” he rasps in my ear.
“Ido.Iwant to be the only one who gets this part of you becauseI’mgiving you mine.”
“Youare,Siren.”
Hisarms pulse around me as his control slips.Desperationwashes over us, pulling us down into the abyss.Ilet go of all the fear and doubt, everything that weighs both of us down.Ifeel him doing the same.Welet go and give in to our basest need for one another.
“Wantto fill you until you overflow,” he grits with strained breath.
“Iwant it all,Evan…all of it—all of you.”
