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Bacterial meningitis is one of the first things I learned about in the classes I took about common childhood illnesses. It’s very commonly fatal.
“They don’t know that yet,” I assure him, putting a hand on his shoulder. I expect him to pull away with how cold and harsh he’s been with me since the kids got home, but instead, he leans into me. No matter what I have going on, even with the baby growing in my belly, I need to be here for Derek, Maggie, and Eli. And no matter how much he needs to know, now is not the time. This time is about Eli and getting him better. My baby is fine for now, so there is no harm in waiting a little bit longer.
“I've got Maggie, if you need to go back in,” I tell him, and Derek looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
“He’s calling for Mama,” he says hoarsely, and I swallow hard. ”Give me Maggie,” he says, taking her from me. “He needs you.”
My heart skips several beats but I walk to the back, asking the nurse station which room Eli is in. He’s still in a room in the emergency room, and he seems in and out of consciousness.
I sit next to him, talking to him softly and holding his hand, until he falls asleep. I doze off too, in the uncomfortable chair.
When I wake, I go back out to the waiting room to see Derek asleep with Maggie in his arms. I tap his shoulder.
“Want to switch?” I ask, and Derek groans.
“My arms are asleep,” he admits, handing her over and shaking them out.
I smile weakly. It’s been a long night and I’m still terrified for Eli.
“The last temperature check was going down,” I tell Derek. “They’re still waiting on the test results.”
Derek nods slowly, rubbing at his arms.
“Thank you for being here, Kenna,” he says softly.
I frown at him. “Where else would I be?”
He shakes his head. “You didn’t have to be here,” he says, and I feel a little offended. Does he really think I wouldn’t come when one of the kids is sick?
“I know that you don’t think very highly of me,” I say softly. “But I love these kids, Derek. Just like they’re my own.”
I subconsciously rub my stomach and then catch myself, putting my hand back around Maggie. Derek doesn’t seem to notice.
“I know you do,” he says finally, and I look over at him. “I fucked this up, didn’t I?” he asks with a half-smile.
“Royally,” I say dryly, but then he chuckles and my heart breaks a little bit more. “But none of that matters. All that matters right now is that Eli’s okay.”
Derek nods. “I’ll go back to stay with him if you’ll take a shift with Maggie. I’ll call my Mom so that you can get a break.”
“I'm not leaving,” I say firmly, and Derek smiles.
“I didn’t think you would, but I wanted to give you the option.”
I watch him walk back through the double doors, and I’m just dozing off again when Maggie wakes up, rubbing her eyes.
“Kenna? Where are we?”
I take in a deep breath. It’s going to be a long night.
27
DEREK
The only thing keeping me going by morning is hospital coffee and Kenna Lodge. She’s been a godsend during this awful time, and she’s occupying Maggie so that I can spend as much time with Eli as I can.
Eli still calls for Kenna, still calling her “mama,” and I can’t bring myself to correct him. My kids love Kenna, and I’m starting to understand that I do, too, no matter how much I’ve tried to lie to myself.
Do I know what to do about it?
