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I black out as soon as my head touches the pillow.
I wake up to a slight knock on my open door and bolt upright, wincing and holding my head.
“Shit,” Derek curses. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you so violently. Everything’s okay. My mom is staying with Eli so I can get some rest. Maggie’s in her room.”
“What time is it?" I ask, squinting at my phone.
“It’s a little after six.”
“In themorning?” I ask, shocked.
Derek smiles. “You must have been tired. You can go back to sleep, I just wanted to let you know we’re home for today.”
He looks exhausted, bags under his eyes, and I know how tired he must be, too. My headache apparently has come to stay for a while, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Is pregnancy usually this awful?
It’s not like I have anything to compare it to, or anyone to ask. Other than Cherie, no one knows I’m pregnant. And I could ask Derek, but Eli is still at the hospital and he needs his rest so he can be there for the little guy, so I don’t want to add to his burden, right now. I’ll just rest some more and maybe this will go away soon. If not, when Eli is better, if Derek is talking to me, I can tell him then and then I can ask how normal this is.
For now, it’s a good thing I thought to put away the ultrasound pictures that were scattered on the bed.
Derek just keeps standing there, looking down at me.
“Are you okay?” I ask gently, and he nods slowly.
“I miss you in my bed,” he says, and then blushes, looking away. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean sexually,” he stutters out. “I mean, I just miss holding you.”
“You don’t have to miss me,” I say, my heart thudding hard against my chest plate.
“Not tonight?” he asks, and I know what he means. I know he doesn’t mean forever, but I’ve been so worried about Eli and Derek, too, and maybe I’ll take whatever I can get.
It might sound desperate, but I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know how to deal with it.
Derek holds out his hand and I stand up, taking it and letting him lead me to his bedroom. I’ve showered and put on a pair of yoga shorts and a tank top, and Derek’s hand slides along my stomach when I climb into bed with him.
My heart stutters in my chest as he slides his fingers around me, holding me tight. I wish I could tell him about the baby. I wish he could have his hand there because he knows, because he’s excited about the new life we’re bringing into the world.
But for now, he needs to focus on Eli and on him getting better. I can’t be selfish and have him focus on me or this baby yet. In a week, Eli will be better and Derek’s head will be in a better place and then I’ll tell him. If he’ll listen to me.
It takes me a long time to fall asleep, thinking of all the scenarios that may unfold when we talk about this baby, and when I finally drift off to sleep, I know Derek will be gone by the time I open my eyes again.
It’s nearing dusk by the time I wake, and Derek’s still wrapped around me tightly, his erection pressing up against my back. I swallow hard. This isn’t the first time, after this weekend, but it still feels new somehow because of everything that’s happened.
I pull away and Derek whines in the back of his throat, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me closer. Then he rolls his hips against my ass, making me catch my breath in my throat.
“Derek,” I say softly. ”Are you still sleeping?”
“Not anymore,” he mumbles, kissing along my shoulder.
God, I know I shouldn’t give in. He all but told me that he’s not interested in me. He repeatedly pushed me away for being too young.
But it feels so good, and I want him so bad. I want him to love me, but I also want his touch, his lovemaking. Derek yanks my shorts down, palming across my ass before he rolls his hips up against me again.
“Should we be doing this?” I ask, and Derek pauses.
“Probably not,” he admits, but he keeps rolling his hips, keeps kissing along my shoulder and my neck, and finally he pushes my shorts off, lifting one of my legs as he slides into me.
I clamp my hand over my mouth, knowing that Maggie might hear me, and my moan is muffled against my palm.
