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“I want a divorce, Carmella. Your father is no longer an issue, so I’m going to set us both free from this farce of a marriage.”
It felt like the ground was tilting under my feet and I felt my body sway a moment before my knees buckled. I fell to the ground at Casper’s feet, tears blurring my vision. I’d waited so long for him to come back, and he finally had… only to say he was getting rid of me? I didn’t understand what I’d ever done wrong, what could have possibly made him hate me so much. Or maybe hate was too strong of a word. He’d have to feel something for me to hate me.
It was hard to breathe and I fought not to cry, not in front of him anyway. It was bad enough my legs hadn’t held me up. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of shedding tears, and I wouldn’t beg him to stay. I hoped he didn’t know he’d broken me with his unfeeling attitude and lack of interest. He didn’t kneel to help me up, didn’t reach for me at all. I managed to stagger to my feet and pushed past him. My heart ached with the rejection of the man I’d hoped would come to love me one day. He’d said not to expect love from him, but I’d thought… I shook my head. It was a foolish girl’s dream and I should have let them go long ago.
I froze at the foot of the stairs, not knowing where to go or what to do. This wasn’t my home, not really. It had been my prison for a long time but nothing more. The clothes I had now were all paid for with Casper’s money. My purses, the money in my account, everything was his and never mine. My heart hammered in my chest as I turned and walked out the front door, not stopping to look back. I didn’t even bother to get my ID, but the first responders and hospital staff all knew me well. If I ended up dead in a ditch, one of them would know to call Bowen.
I made it down the winding driveway and out the front gates without anyone trying to stop me. For the next several hours, I meandered around town, not really having a destination in mind nor feeling the cold. If my father wasn’t an issue, as Casper had put it, then he was likely dead. It didn’t mean going to Mexico would be safe though. The park across the street looked like a good enough place to sit and figure things out. I found a bench under a tree and eased down onto it, stretching my legs out in front of me.
The air turned even cooler and the sun slowly sank beyond the horizon. As the moon rose high overhead, I realized I was completely alone. No more Bowen. No more Mrs. Weathers. No more maids or butler. I had no one.
The bench creaked and I looked over at my soon to be ex-husband. At least, if he had his way. I didn’t understand why he’d bothered to come find me. It wasn’t like he actually cared. In all the years we’d been married, it seemed as if he’d never given me a second thought. I didn’t believe for one minute that he’d been celibate all this time. He’d never bothered to call me. Oh, he’d talked to Bowen and I guess kept tabs on me, but it wasn’t the same as him calling and actually speaking to me, asking me how my day was, or if I needed anything. I’d have gladly told him what I’d needed. Him.
“I wasn’t throwing you out of the house,” he said.
“It’s not my house. I don’t belong there. Never did. You’ve made it clear from the beginning what you thought of me. I’d thought when I grew up a little maybe you’d return, but you never did. Until now.”
“It’s not personal, Carmella. I married you to save my daughter and to save you as well. I never intended for us to have a real marriage. I’ve only ever loved one woman, and that’s how it will remain until the day I die.”
My heart broke a little more at his words. I’d never have that. Never experience a man’s love.
“What was it like?” I asked softly.
“What was what like?” he asked.
“Being in love. Loving your wife and having her love you back. What did it feel like?”
He focused on me. “Are you trying to tell me that you’ve never been in love? Because I have a hard time imagining that, Carmella. Even as an eighteen-year-old, you were beautiful. I’m sure men noticed you everywhere you went.”
“No one has ever loved me,” I admitted softly. “Not even my parents. If they couldn’t love me, why would anyone else?”
I looked up at the moon before standing. Casper didn’t stop me as I walked off. I’d never meant to say those things to him, to sound so pathetic. I’d learned to live without love. If the mass in my brain wasn’t treated soon, then I wouldn’t have to worry about anything for much longer. If it grew much more, the pressure on my brain would end my life. The saddest thing was that no one would even notice I was gone. If Casper was divorcing me, then he’d stop paying Bowen and Mrs. Weathers. The house wasn’t mine and neither were they. I had no one.
For the rest of the night, I wandered the small town where Casper had hidden me since our sham of a marriage. Before the sun rose, another spike of pain took me to my knees. The world around me spun, my entire right side going numb. Another burst of pain and everything went dark.
Chapter Two
Casper
I’d followed Carmella for a while, staying in the shadows so she wouldn’t see me. I’d thought maybe she would go to a lover’s house, or maybe a friend’s home. Instead, she’d just walked around town, not really seeming to have any particular direction in mind. When I’d decided she just needed some time to work things out, I’d headed back to the house, thinking she’d return before long. I’d been wrong.
I heard Bowen’s steps as he pounded down the stairs about an hour after I’d returned, and I met him in the front entry. His hair was standing upright, and his clothes looked like he’d slept in them. If he’d gone to bed at all, he must have grabbed his dirty clothes and thrown them back on. I’d never seen the man looking anything less than impeccable so I knew something was horribly wrong. His eyes were wide and wild as he looked around the house, as if trying to find something. His gaze landed on the keys near the front door and he snatched them up before rushing outside.
“Bowen, stop,” I said, my tone demanding immediate obedience.
He halted but hardly spared me a glance.
“I can’t stay, Mr. VanHorne. Carmella needs me.”
Carmella? He was on a first name basis with my wife? And was rushing to her side? Maybe she hadn’t gone to a lover’s home last night because he’d been living under my roof. Anger pushed at me for a moment before I got control of myself. It was ridiculous to feel anything toward a woman I’d never really known. Even if she hadn’t been my wife in truth, she’d still carried my name and was mine. I didn’t like the thought of someone I’d employed being intimate with her when I’d never had the pleasure.
Bowen didn’t move, but I could tell he wanted to leave. I just didn’t understand what the hurry was all about. Was Carmella in trouble, or was she just too far from home and needed a ride? No, the look in his eyes said it was something more. Something serious.
“What’s going on, Bowen? I paid you to guard her, but I think the two of you grew closer than that. It wasn’t very professional of you to fuck the woman under your protection,” I said, anger filling me again at the thought of my wife’s perfect fucking thighs wrapped around the bodyguard’s waist.
Yes, I was dead set against ever falling in love again, but I wasn’t fucking blind. The girl I’d married had turned into a stunning woman.
Bowen’s eyes went wide a moment and he swallowed hard. “I never touched her, not intimately. I think of Carmella like a sister, Mr. VanHorne, and even if I didn’t, I never would have disrespected either of you by making a move on a married woman.”
